


The Dancer

by DopeScotlandWarrior



Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 48,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DopeScotlandWarrior/pseuds/DopeScotlandWarrior
Summary: When a new Barnes and Noble opens in Edinburgh, Claire Beauchamp is forced to sell her little book shop due to the loss of business. One man is responsible for the assault on her livelihood and she despises him, vowing to hold his fate in her hands one day as he did hers. Be careful what you wish for.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 401
Kudos: 322





	1. Chapter 1

Claire spun on the balls of her bare feet, over and over, feeling the veils slide across her sweaty face. Breathing rhythmically to avoid panting so her stomach remained quiet and smooth. She powered through the remaining spins to the gasps of the students watching. Coming out of her spins her body slowed to a half-beat. Pulling the veil up to her face, she looked at the students with an invitation for sultry romance making every female uncomfortable. Claire’s hips twitched independently to the music as she entered the last part of the dance. Body undulating, chest pressing against the skimpy fabric covering her nipples. Ten spins with the veils trailing around her and she dropped to the ground and stopped. 

The class of women cheered for her and Claire stood to bow. She ran to the backroom to wipe the stinging sweat out of her eyes before dropping eyewash in each. The instructor gave a hug from behind and congratulated her on her performance.

“That was absolutely wonderful Claire! It is so impressive what you have learned! I am very confident in recommending you to one of my clients if you are ready.”

Claire stared at the woman with wide eyes. This is unexpected, she thought, it must be too soon for an actual job belly dancing. She looked dubiously at the instructor. 

“You are ready darling. Think about it and let me know. One of the clients has an opening three nights a week. It’s a good place to start if you want it.” She hugged Claire again and left her to dress. 

Piling the veils and costume into her bag, Claire emerged from the studio with a clean washed face, beige pantsuit, and sensible shoes. She was late returning from lunch due to her final performance and her head was getting crowded with emotions. Exhilaration that she finally finished the last level offered by the studio and sadness she was leaving after six years.

Claire unlocked the door to her book store and ran inside. It was a character flaw to be late to work and she would chastise herself for the rest of the afternoon. She smiled at incoming customers taking a double-take at the man behind them. 

He had been to the shop twice before. He was handsome and tall, hard not to notice. He had asked her for a novel, newly added to the New York Times bestseller list. She apologized and offered to order it for him. There just wasn’t room to stock every bestseller in her little shop and she wasn’t likely to displace her lovely antique collections for the latest steamy, here today, gone tomorrow, fiction. He approached the front register.

“I ordered a book last week,” he said smiling. Has it come in yet? My name is Jamie Fraser.”

She let her gaze fall on the most incredible blue eyes that held his smile with a tinge of mischief. His order was already there but Claire turned too quickly knocking over a display of cards next to the register. A very unladylike sound came out of her as she bent to pick them all up. Piling them on the counter she ran to the back for the man’s order. 

Claire could feel her humiliation spread across her cheeks as she took a deep breath. 

“Jesus H Roosevelt Christ,” was uttered under her breath. Why did she always lose it when a good-looking man talked to her. She felt hopelessly unnerved by him and tried to steady her mind. 

“Sorry about the mess I just caused.”

The man had put the cards back into the display and smiled at his accomplishment. Claire felt the shaking that started in her calves, slowly work its way up and lunged for the register before she was quaking with anxiety. Handing the bag to the man she tried to smile and thanked him for the help. She turned and walked quickly to the back room before he could ask her for anything else. 

Hearing the bell on the shop door, she exhaled a long-held breath and felt her tension ease immediately. Maybe her doctor was right about therapy. She hated the idea but life was getting intolerable for her, except when she danced. Claire checked the tiny mirror on the wall and went back to cleaning shelves. 

The following week she met with the owner of a Greek restaurant who was looking for a belly dancer to entertain customers while they dined. He looked at her beige clothing and pinned up hair and she could see the doubt in his eyes. 

“You come highly recommended by the studio and I don’t want to hurt feelings, but I can’t see a good fit here.”

Claire stood up straight and looked him in the eye before responding.

“I look different when I dance.” 

She nervously pushed her hair behind her ears and tried to smile. 

“Okay. Let’s give the pretty girl a chance,” he said. “You dance at noon tomorrow and I will watch. Then we talk some more, okay?”

Claire shook his hand gratefully and smiled her thanks before running out of the restaurant. She was thrilled to have the chance to dance in front of people and started thinking about which costume to wear as she reached for her phone.

“Geillis! I have an audition tomorrow at the new Greek restaurant, to dance!”

Geillis was her bestie and had Claire’s best interest at heart. She hadn’t seen her dance because the studio didn’t allow the public to watch the classes. She was doubtful her friend could muster the sex appeal to arouse anyone under eighty years old, but she pushed herself to be excited and encouraging. 

“Well, look at you, a professional dancer now! Need any help getting ready? I can bring dinner in a bucket tonight.”

“Yes! Please do. I have a new costume I want to wear, and the skirt is too long. You can help me cut it. It won’t take any time at all. You are a lifesaver Geillis.”

In Geillis’s mind, she saw a floor-length prairie skirt the pilgrims sported and wondered if this was a good idea. She saw Claire’s belly dancing as a misguided attempt to break out of her frumpiness. An avenue to a more exciting life as seen in a movie perhaps. Geillis rolled her eyes at the doomed evening ahead. 

Claire pushed away from the table. “Oh my God, I am probably too stuffed with chicken to fit into my costume Geillis, but it sure was tasty.” Claire stood to remove the paper plates and bucket.

“Get yer costume on and let’s get this over with, aye?”

Claire was too excited to catch the tone of her friend's sentence and ran to the bedroom pulling on a bright blue skirt and attached pantie with three layers of transparent silk. She pulled the hip scarf around her with three lines of metal charms making the most beautiful sound when bumping into each other. Next was the bra top that fit tightly, hugging her skin right below her breasts. It too was adorned with metal baubles. Claire held the skirt up as she walked into the living room and to her gaping friend. 

“What’s wrong with you Geillis.”

Geillis stared at Claire’s stomach and the panties that were dangerously low and v-shaped showing her long torso, taught, sinewy, and devoid of fat. When she walked, her thighs would peek out from the veils in the skirt, muscular, thin, and shapely. 

“Jesus Christ, Claire. I’m lookin at a different person right now. I canna get over ye look so different. It’s remarkable.”

Claire gave her a shimmy with her shoulders followed by hips twitching making the baubles bounce.

“I wear a wig and lots of makeup when I dance so I don’t look like this at all. When we finish the skirt, I have to practice and make sure the length is right. I’ll show you some moves if you like.”

The two women talked about the skirt length and Geillis pinned the front panel allowing Claire to take it off. Geillis was shocked at the change in her friend when she put on that costume. Like doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde she thought and giggled to herself. Geillis decided she would risk the wrath of her employer to see Claire dance tomorrow and had no idea what to expect.

When the two women first met, Claire was already a student of belly dancing and it was mentioned in passing on several occasions, like a hobby. Geillis was instantly taken with Claire, her nerdy personality was endearing, not to mention ego boosting because Geillis had no social awkwardness. Taking Claire under her wing, they became best friends. No amount of encouragement and exposure to the Edinburgh social scene seemed to make any difference in Claire. Geillis was defeated at trying to change her friend and gave up, to just enjoy Claire as she was. Tonight showed Claire in stark contrast to the mousy bookseller.

“There, that’s the last panel. Go put in on, with… all the rest of the costume. I think ye promised me a sample dance.” 

Claire dashed back to her bedroom. This time she wore the wig and her black curls tumbled to her waist. She called to Geillis to turn out all but one side table lamp and push play on her recorder. 

Claire pressed her back into the door jam and raised her arms above her head crossing her wrists like she was tied up. Her fabulous abs undulated and she pushed away from the door twirling in circles with the layers of her skirt flying around her. She shimmied into body rolls followed by numerous spins, her hips bounced to the music and Geiliis was transfixed. Claire could move her body like she had never seen.

Later, Claire said goodbye to Geillis, who was clearly impressed and dropped into bed. It was ten-thirty, a half-hour past her bedtime, and she fell asleep totally pissed off with herself. 

The next morning, she shoved her costume into a gym bag and turned the front door key of the bookshop at exactly eight o’clock sharp. The day was looking promising and Claire could not wait until noon when she would dance for her new job. 

Across town, Jamie Fraser sat at the head of a long conference table where the board was meeting for a final review of their shared endeavor. Each person had a report in front of them and asked Jamie questions about the owner of the local bookstore.

“Dinna fash, she is mostly antique books and collections. Not likely to clash with our inventory. I have visited three times and she doesna even stock the best sellers. No threat to us gentlemen. 

Claire entered the restaurant from a back door that led right into the dressing room. She hung her costume and started getting ready. The eyelashes were a challenge with her shaking hands, but they eventually found purchase just above her own lashes. 

The doubtful owner knocked and entered, looking for her. He regretted offering this audition. His restaurant was too new to bear up to ridicule and he wanted to back out any way possible. When his eyes landed on Claire, he was relieved. Apparently, the studio sent another student for him, and this one definitely looked the part. 

“Hello pretty lady, I am Omar, this is my restaurant.”

Claire looked at him thinking he must be daft since they met yesterday. She smiled and approached him.

“We met yesterday sir and you offered me a test dance, I think you called it.”

“We did? Oh! Is that you in there? Pardon me for being an old man with a terrible memory. You look very different.”

“Are we still on for a dance then?”

“Yes, yes. Are you ready my dear?”

The diners did not notice that a woman stood in the dark doorway of a room adjoining the dining room until a spotlight lit her up, bouncing off the metal charms at her breast and hips. The music started and Claire treated the diners to her amazing hips that bounced independently of each other and hard lifts that made the baubles dance. Her performance was ten minutes long and many forks were suspended in the air as the diners watched her, paralyzed. 

As Claire twirled around the room, she caught sight of Geillis at a corner table. She danced to her and smiled as her veils floated behind her. Returning to the center of the room she popped her chest and twitched her hips until everyone was dizzy from watching. She dropped into a bow and ran to the dressing room hearing applause and whistles. Grabbing a towel out of her gym bag she sat down to breathe before she passed out. 

The owner came bursting into the room with a happy smile. He could not stop singing her praise and offered her three nights a week, two dances thirty minutes apart for one hundred dollars a night. He stuck out his hand to shake on the deal and she took it. 

“You are a chameleon, like, like, a phone booth to change your clothes and then you can fly!”

It took Claire a minute or two to understand the reference to superman and she laughed and shook her head. Once alone, Claire pulled the lashes off her eyelids and wiped off the red lipstick. She looked into the mirror and saw Geillis behind her. 

“Well, what did you think?”

“Claire, you know I adore ye, but yer the luckiest little shit on the planet. Did ye see how many gorgeous men were watchin ye? Shakin yer moneymaker like that I can see ye married and livin in grand style before long.” She smiled at Claire like this was a good thing. 

“I didn’t spend six years of my life learning to dance so I could find someone to marry. Get back to work before you get fired, and Geillis, thank you for coming.”

Claire was stacking orders under the front register and popped up when she heard the doorbell tinkling. The shaking started immediately as the handsome man approached her smiling. He stuck out his hand. 

“It is time we met formally, my name is James Fraser.”

Claire mumbled her name as she shook his hand, wishing she could look into his eyes for the rest of the afternoon. 

Jamie looked around the shop, “I have been here a few times. Not spying, just gathering information about our competition.” He was clearly nervous and licked his lips several times looking at the floor. “Listen, Miss Beauchamp, I have to tell ye I am opening a new concept bookstore right down the street. My hope is we will both prosper by referring customers to each other while holding the other in the highest regard.”

The blood drained from Claire’s face and she pulled her hand away abruptly. She watched Fraser look around like he expected the roof to cave in on him and felt her anger boil up inside her.

“What customers are you hoping I refer to your new store, mister Fraser?”

“Well, ye dinna stock the best sellers so ye can send those customers our way. Any interest in antique collections we will send to you,” he smiled like he saw the value in his statement.

“I don’t stock bestsellers because they are here today and gone tomorrow but the orders for those books are thirty-seven percent of my revenue. If they can walk down the street and buy the book from you how many orders do you think I will get?” 

Claire was getting heated and tried to calm her heart rate. She wanted the decibels of her argument to pierce this wicked man so he would know he was her enemy. 

“Edinburgh doesn’t need another bookstore mister Fraser and I cannot see this store surviving the competition you are suggesting.”

Fraser looked at her with compassion and then lowered his eyes. He hated this part of the business, delivering the news a death blow was coming. He had done this to countless mom and pop bookstores as his company ate up market share all over Scotland, Ireland, and England. It wasn’t pleasant, but he would emerge from this visit relieved this dreadful task was over while the shop owner was just coming to terms with the bomb he just dropped. 

Jamie oversaw the opening of new stores, so he was accustomed to breaking hearts, both young and old. In the days leading up to this type of meeting he would lose his appetite, pace the floor at night trying to sleep and work up a head of anxiety that could choke out a horse. But he always did it, and when the shop door closed behind him, he was free of guilt and responsibility for ruining a business, breaking a heart, and stealing a livelihood. When that door closed behind him, most people were never thought of again.

Sometimes he would like the owner so much it was near impossible to deliver the news. Claire Beauchamp was such a person because she was young and pretty with a telling face. Although she didn’t mean to do it, she opened her soul to Jamie on the few occasions he visited her. The right person in your life will set you free, he thought, and you will replace that anxiety with happiness.

Jamie walked away from Claire’s shop feeling like the biggest asshole in the world and wondered why each step away from her wasn’t helping. C’mon Claire, he thought, dinna wallow in yer grief, get busy findin a new job, somethin that will make ye happy, please lass. 

Claire stood rigid behind the register all afternoon. She made feeble attempts to clean shelves and re-arrange displays, only to return to this catatonic state of staring out the window. Her store was empty most of the time and today that was a blessing. She locked the front door at exactly six o’clock that evening and walked home wondering how long it would take to lose her shop.

Geillis came that evening with a bottle of whisky and tried to cheer up her friend. As the whisky worked its way through her bloodstream and brain, Mister James Fraser became public enemy number one.She cursed him over and over and prayed for the day she would hold his fate in her hands.

As the days became weeks, Claire wrote countless letters to Fraser, begging him to reconsider. They were all answered the same, a bouquet of flowers with a note that said: “I’m sorry.”

As Claire’s business plummeted, she found relief and escape in her dancing. She gave in to the joyful release and the patrons who watched her loved it. Omar was so thrilled with her performance he quickly moved her into the top spot, six to seven o’clock, the dinner rush, five nights per week. She was often called to do special performances during lunch and her growing bank account could not be overlooked. 

Jamie kept an eye on Claire’s bookstore with growing concern. She should have started her going-out-of-business sale by now. He wondered where the money was coming from to keep the lights on. When her shop stayed open for the third month, Jamie took matters into his own hands and contacted her landlord. The man sang Claire’s praises and could not say enough about her dedication to the community through reading programs for kids and book clubs for the classics. Jamie felt like shit hearing this and cleared his throat to stop the extolment before it crippled him. 

When the man learned he was speaking to the bastard that stole her business he slammed the phone down almost breaking Jamie’s eardrum. The landlord heard enough to know Claire was in financial trouble. She was using what money she had saved over the years to keep the shop open. It was a doomed cause and the landlord was heartsick for her. Being a compassionate man, he refused to renew Claire’s lease citing structural issues with the buildings that were forcing him to sell. 

When the Store-Wide sale sign went up, Jamie Fraser exhaled in relief. Maybe now he could move on with his life and start feeling like a winner again. It was time to break the spell on the Edinburgh store and throw a party for the executives and top earners. If it were possible for a building to be depressed it would explain the overall lack of joy he felt every minute he was at work. It would explain their first-quarter earnings, it would explain the lack of motivation in his staff. Something better change and he felt like it started with him. 

Claire was despondent when the store closed. She lingered inside the last night saying goodbye to the authors and classic collections she had cared for and sold for many years. Geillis pulled her home and helped her get ready for her show that night. They didn’t talk much, Claire didn’t have it in her.

“Are ye wearin the new black outfit with the silver veils tonight?”

“Yes, the restaurant is hosting a big party tonight. Tips should be pretty good from what I hear.”

She tried to smile and reassure Geillis she was fine, but her hollow eyes told a different story. Geillis remained upbeat and stayed to help her dress for the big performance. 

“Jesus, Claire! You dinna have to move yer hips or anything else with that costume on. How do ye keep the panties on when they ride so low? Looks like they are gonna fall off any minute!”

“Glue, and they are not called panties Geillis, they’re called pants. The bra top was adorned with crystals that reflected light when she moved and the silver adornments on her hip scarf bounced in a crazy way. Claire was warming up while two other dancers went before her. She peeked out to gauge the crowd and when she got to the end of a long table, she uttered a strangled sound and ran from the door. 

“Holy shit, Geillis, I can’t go out there, I can’t!”

“Why not, ye look great?”

Claire was clearly in a panic, pacing the room and holding her head. What the hell was he doing here? How could she stay hidden from him?”

“Geillis! That asshole Jamie Fraser is out there, and I can’t let him see me. Run to my house and bring back the silver headpiece that wraps around my face. Go! Hurry and I owe you my life!”

Right on cue, Claire emerged from the dark dressing room door and joined the other dancers in a sultry threesome that ended with Claire alone in the middle of the room. She lifted her covered face and moved her arms like she was beckoning the guests at the table. she danced close to the diners stopping along the way to do mesmerizing hip lifts, drops, and shimmies. When she got to Jamie, she moved her sinewy body with undulations, rapid hip lifts and turns.

Jamie could not look away from the dancer in front of him, one foot in front of him. Her body movements stole his sanity as she dropped her upper body backward until her head was inches from his shoulder. She gave him the full measure of her talent, before popping up to complete her dance. When she stopped with the music, she took a bow and waited an agonizing thirty seconds of silence before the table erupted with applause and whistles. Several people were on their feet, including James Fraser. Some of the men begged to see her face as she ran to the darkness of the dressing room door. 

Bursting through the door into the dressing room she grabbed a towel and covered her face with it. Geillis looked at her in horror wondering what she could say to help. Claire’s body convulsed into the towel held firm against her face. She sank to her knees and Geillis ran to help her up. Claire’s arms gently pushed her away and the towel was lowered as she continued to laugh, out of control, like a woman possessed, she laughed. 

Claire could hardly breathe, and she clawed at the headdress that was blocking the quantities of air she needed. She finally ripped it, and the wig off throwing them on the couch while she wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to stem the laughing. 

“Oh! Oh my God, Geillis. I’ve never had so much fun. That dizzy bastard had a log in his pants and didn’t breathe the whole time I was in front of him. Too bad he didn’t just die right then and there!” 

Geillis was quite unsettled with Claire’s level of hatred toward this man and thought Claire needed a new perspective before she lost her mind. 

“Claire, it’s not healthy to hate someone that much, ye will never be able to quench yer need for revenge. I think ye need some help with this, truly. C’mon, let’s get you ready for the next show, then home to bed.”

When the spotlight hit Claire for her next dance, she was in bright pink harem pants and a bra top that was covered in baubles. She lifted her arms above her head and spun in circles while she shimmied her hips. When she saw Jamie Fraser sitting at a corner table she moved her arms, pulling him to her, enticing him to take her, as her athletic body promised a once in a lifetime experience of pleasure and carnal love. He watched every move, he heard what the dance promised him. He thought she was beautiful, exotic, and embodied the sexual experience. Claire wore the headdress again that wrapped around her face showing only her eyes. She used them against Jamie like weapons. When the music stopped, she turned her back on him and bowed to the other patrons, shunning him like he wasn’t there. 

Jamie raised his arm to the owner and handed over his business card and a one-hundred-dollar bill on which he had written his number. He was finding it hard to breathe suddenly and left quickly. 

Claire was giggling at the tips and cards that came in from the owner. She estimated two- hundred dollars in tips tonight plus her pay. Three hundred dollars for thirty minutes of dancing. A month ago it was all she had for the month and that included groceries. 

Geillis walked out of the building with a scrubbed Claire in a baseball cap, looking like a bookworm again. The women talked and joked, poking each other with elbows and laughing hysterically. They both carried garment bags and gym bags with all of Claire’s costumes and props. They embraced and separated, neither aware of the eyes that watched the door. Engines were started and the women drove away, leaving Jamie well hidden in the shadows of the parking lot.

He watched closely as patrons emptied out of the restaurant. Where was she, he wondered? He recognized the owner come out as a car pulled right up to the door. Jamie saw two women rush into the back seat, the owner in front, and then they were gone. The restaurant was closed for the night. Jamie concluded the dancer was the owner’s daughter, so he had a bit more information about the woman who stole his soul tonight. The fact he was now stalking her was completely lost on him.

Ordinarily, Jamie Fraser was a gentleman with a strict moral code and impeccable manners. The upbringing from his parents and his Hollywood handsome looks made women trust him and forget their own name when he charmed them. The dancer would fall, straight into his lap, no matter who her father was. Of that he was sure.


	2. Chapter 2

In the absence of maintaining her little book shop, Claire’s swelling bank account allowed her to move into a townhouse with a large main room that she kept unfurnished. Floor to ceiling mirrors lined two walls and custom lighting allowed her to turn up the ambiance to practice new dance routines. A lifetime of frugal living still governed her lifestyle and there was ample money left to hire a private instructor to continue coaching her. 

Madu was an Egyptian, born into a family of dancers who followed the traditional dance of the gypsies. He was the real deal and cousin to the studio owner who first took Claire under her wing. His first lesson was very harsh, she was sore for a week and his continued assault of her musculoskeletal system took her to the brink of quitting him. When she was clearly trying to find the words to tell him nicely, he ordered her into several poses with rapid changes, then turned the music on. He asked for the most difficult movements and pushed her to do them perfectly. Claire was shocked she could perform many of the movements used by competition belly dancers, and the bigger picture was revealed to her.

Madu turned up the volume of her sex appeal with instruction in using her eyes to add mystery and allure. Claire struggled through this, but not because it was hard. When Madu demonstrated the classic looks, Claire lost it and laughed until she begged him to stop acting like a woman in love. He was completely ridiculous acting like a seductive woman, but Claire finally nailed the eye movements he was after. Claire’s favorite new moves were athletic and fun, easily incorporated into any routine to heighten the energy of the crowd or break the sexual tension when needed. 

“You are not a stripper Claire. You do the exotic dance of gypsies for entertainment not for…” Madu was stumbling to find an appropriate word for erection while staring at his crotch. It was yet another moment when Claire lost her mind dissolving in giggles.

Arms were Madu’s focus for several weeks until she could move them as if she had no elbows. He was a great teacher and his perfectionism fit Claire’s personality like a custom glove. In addition to her dance instruction, Madu added running five miles, four days per week to help her breathing. 

If Claire became winded, he would stop the lesson and point to her heaving chest and quivering stomach. Disgusted with her weakness, the lesson would be cut short with the teacher leaving abruptly. Claire would hit the streets and push herself to run faster and farther, day after day, just to see the approval on his face. It was a love, hate relationship and Claire blossomed under his instruction. 

Jamie watched the paper for book club advertisements or any other activity that was literature centric. Where are ye, Claire? I know ye canna stay away from books so ye got to surface eventually. He wondered if she left Edinburgh but continued to search for signs of her, week after week, hoping to find she had landed on her feet.

Jamie continued to visit the restaurant, at least once a week, to watch the dancer. He noticed the changes in her movements and felt her beckon him like a siren to a sailor. The first night she showed her face he almost had a heart attack. It was unexpected and felt intensely personal.

The headpieces and scarves that hid Claire’s face were difficult to wear and she was losing patience with using them. Still, if Jamie Fraser was in the audience, she covered her lower face. During one performance, Claire’s face scarf was accidentally pulled off while she danced in front of Jamie. She was horrified and watched his face with mounting fear of being discovered. There was no recognition in his eyes, so she stopped covering her face with great relief.

Somehow, enticing Jamie with her erotic dance and ignoring his requests to speak with her mollified her need to stab him in the heart. When she felt extra hateful toward him, she would dance very close and slip her finger into her bra, pinching her nipple so he would see her reaction. Only he would see it and Claire could torture him with this movement whenever she needed to. 

Claire was the vengeful and punishing dancer, Jamie was hopelessly obsessed with her. Neither of them realized how twisted and abnormal this dynamic was.

Jamie sat at his desk pondering his six months of searching for the little bookseller. Maybe she married her high school boyfriend and moved to the country to raise a houseful of bairns. Or maybe she moved to London where she would find like-minded readers to share her love of the classics. He told himself to give up trying to find her. In a last-ditch effort, he placed an ad for a Charles Dickens book club, the location of which was yet to be decided. 

Over the following week, Jamie received a handful of inquiries to his anonymous posting. He looked through the names of the interested and brushed them into his desk drawer feeling his quest to find Claire was finally quelled. He might always wonder what happened to her, but he was ready to change her status to someone he once knew. He headed out to catch the early show at Omar’s and get lost in his fantasies. 

It was two weeks later when an inquiry for the book club passed over his desk. He read the short response of interest and his eyes landed on the signature, Claire Beauchamp. 

“There ye are Sassenach,” he said quietly.

This would require the aid of his sister and maybe a friend of hers to break the ice with Claire, so she didn’t run away at the sight of him. He picked up the phone to recruit Jenny’s help while drafting a notice for the first meeting of the Dickens book club.

“You want me to what?”

“Tell this girl I’ve been lookin for, that I want to speak with her, so she doesna run away at the sight of me.”

“Ye may have lost yer touch with the lassie's brother but ye willna get any help from me,” she scoffed. 

“She lost her bookstore when the Edinburgh store opened. She is very young and sweet, and I’ve become obsessed with finding her.”

“The clubs in the city suddenly empty out of lasses?”

“I dinna want to date her or spend time with her Jenny. I just want to know she’s alright. If I can help her I will. Please Jenny, try to understand that I canna let this go, canna let her go, knowing what I took from her. If she can just tell me she’s fine and landed on her feet, I’ll have no need to speak to her again.

Claire arrived at the designated coffee shop with a Tale of Two Cities tucked under her arm. She was excited to see three women sitting together, open books in front of them, talking animatedly. She felt her soul curl up with a well-worn blanket to enjoy this classic novel with new friends. 

“Hello, my name is Claire, I am here for the book club meeting.”

Jenny’s smiling eyes lifted to a face of innocence, bright golden-brown eyes, and ivory skin that hosted not a drop of makeup. Her smile was trusting and sincere and it was clear to Jenny why she had haunted her brother.

After the introductions, the two other women left the table leaving Claire alone with Jenny. Jenny watched her nervous eyes dart around the coffee shop and did her best to corral Claire with a quick explanation. 

“Dinna fear lass, this meetin is for yer benefit and I’ll tell ye why. Seven months ago, my brother was ordered to open a store in Edinburgh which caused yer bookstore to close from the competition. He has looked for ye ever since to make sure yer alright. Please Claire, hear him out before he loses his mind. It might help heal a part of ye also.”

Claire’s heart was pounding. This woman could only be referring to Jamie Fraser, and what was this nonsense about his concern for her? She clutched her book intending to leave but when she stood there was a brick wall behind her. 

“Please Claire”. Will ye talk with me for just a few minutes?”

He was blocking her exit so there was only one way to move, back into her chair.

Jenny smiled sweetly at Claire as she vacated the seat. Jamie claimed it and was now facing Claire across the table. 

“I swear on my sweet mother’s grave I only want to talk to you. Make sure yer alright, that you found yer way. I promise I willna bother ye again.”

Claire looked up at Jamie’s eyes and felt like crying because they were so desperate. 

“You have five minutes Mister Fraser.”

Jamie’s voice was soft and gentle as he inquired about her life, her new job, and her hobbies. He just wanted to keep her talking until she could relax and see him with new eyes. Not of an enemy but someone who sincerely wanted to help her, if she needed it.

Slowly, Claire opened her mind to this unexpected inquiry and assured him she was fine and working a new job she loved. Jamie seemed okay that she didn’t share the details of where she worked because he could see in her face how much she loved it. They shared a second coffee and Jamie finally let go of his guilt about forcing her to lose her business. 

Claire had danced inches from this man on so many nights as she worked through her hatred and need to hurt him back. She found it difficult to connect that man with the one across the table as their conversation continued. She watched his eyes and his smile, feeling sad that this was a one-time meeting. Her enemy had a sincere desire to see her healthy and healed from his assault on her life. She forced herself to relax for just a few minutes and bask in the attention of Jamie Fraser. 

“Well, I should go, Mister Fraser. I don’t hate you anymore and I appreciate your concern for me, but I am just fine.”

“Your people are lost without ye Claire.”

“What?”

“The customers that joined yer book clubs and school reading program are comin to me to facilitate such things and I dinna have a clue. There is a need for ye and I want to offer ye a job and all the space and support ye need to bring those programs back to Edinburgh. I pay pretty well too.”

Claire could feel the blush burn her cheeks while her heart swelled with the sentiment of her old customers.

“I…I couldn’t Mister Fraser. I’m no longer in the book business.” 

Claire pushed her chair out to leave and offered her hand to Jamie. He shook it, slipping his card into her hand he asked her to think about it. The offer was open.

Jamie watched Claire walk to her car and wondered why she wouldn’t divulge the job she was doing now. Something was different about her. Her clothing and hair were the same, but she had a more confident air about her. It was a positive improvement he decided and hurried back to work.

The seatbelt clicked and Claire exhaled a long breath. Maybe she would consider the job and stay close to her beloved books. Maybe her heart would finally thaw out and she could feel normal again. She had lived like a training Olympian for the past six months, dedicated to dancing and training because it felt safe. She looked at his card, I’ll just add this to the stack on my counter, she thought miserably.

Driving home she tried to decide if she was happy during the last six months. She had made great gains with her dancing, moved into a better neighborhood, made very good money, and had her best friend, Geillis. She realized she moved through her days going from one obligation to the next and even if those obligations made her money or improved her skill, they were still obligations. What is the opposite of an obligation? What is the true form or feeling of happiness? She considered these questions for the next several days and finally decided she didn’t know. Maybe it was time she found out.

Claire made a list of all the activities that sounded fun and threw a small notebook in her glove box in case she thought of something while driving. She compiled her list over the weekend and there was a total of three activities. Fishing, camping, hiking and she was only guessing at the fun part because she really didn’t know. 

“Christ, if I die tomorrow, I will have lived twenty-two years and never had fun,” she mumbled. 

Claire ran to answer her ringing doorbell and a box was thrust into her hand, Madu was on the other side of it. 

“It’s a gift from my cousin.”

Claire pulled the top off and gasped at the beautiful hair inside. It was a waist-length human hair wig that she slipped on and felt instantly transformed into a beautiful, exotic, woman. She pulled a comb through the luxurious hair and giggled with delight.

Geillis played with the hair while Claire got ready for work that evening. The sight of Geillis twitching her hips and moving her arms like a hula dancer with the wig puckering at the crown of her head made Claire lose it. She couldn’t stop laughing until she was kneeling on the ground holding her stomach. Geillis scoffed and pulled a panting Claire to the door. 

Well, she thought, that was fun. 

Geillis helped twist the long hair into a complex top knot that would fall out when she rolled her head, letting the curls tumble down her back as she spun. It was time. 

Claire pressed her back against the dressing room door, wrists crossed above her head and waited for the spotlight. The music started with just a wood flute, soft and slow, like the music that pulled the cobra out of his basket. Her eyes were downcast as her body undulated softly. As the music rose in tempo and complexity, her eyes flew open with fear and darted around the room in mock terror. Attempting to push away she looked up at what held her to the door and suddenly threw her body away from the invisible bonds as she twirled, arms out, showing the joy of freedom on her face. Arms wide at her sides she spun across the floor lined with tables until she came to rest in the middle of the room.

Madu’s voice was in her head, “You are alone, and free to dance as your joyous heart demands. What would that dance look like?”

Claire’s eyes were downcast watching her hip lift suddenly. A slight smile and she looked at the other hip lift. Back and forth she looked at each hip lift higher and faster. She spread her arms with a huge smile as her body launched into a head-spinning routine of all the classic moves of the belly dancer holding the diners spellbound. She twirled back to the stage door and was once again bound at her raised wrists. She looked up in mock horror and the spotlight went out. 

Jamie watched the dancer against the door. He could hardly breathe when she tried to escape but could not. He filled his lungs when she twirled over and over again once free. The hair came tumbling down and bounced with her movements. She had never looked so beautiful and he felt he would explode if she didn’t speak to him. 

He handed Omar his card and a hundred-dollar bill and before he could stop himself, he asked for an introduction to the dancer.

“Omar, would ye consider introducing me to your daughter? I have tried, each time I come to see her dance, but she willna reply to my request.”

Omar looked up at Jamie, one of his best customers, and cleared his throat. He was never blessed with a daughter but had come to feel like a father with Claire. If she led this man to believe she was his daughter there was a good reason for it. 

Jamie licked his lips in nervous desperation, “is she promised to someone? Is she not allowed to speak to the patrons? Will she ever speak with me?”

Omar was searching his mind for the right response. One that would protect Claire and keep Jamie coming around to watch her. “It is not our custom,” a long pause, “but you never know.” He vaporized into his office leaving Jamie more confused than ever.

As autumn turned to the bitter cold of winter, Claire was running in snow and slush and the humid cold dipped into the single digits. She rounded the corner of her last mile and felt her legs lock up and turn to concrete. She slowed to a difficult walk gasping for breath. She had to get warm or feared she would die, as every step got harder. The nearest building was the new bookstore and she lunged for it as it spun in front of her. Once inside she bent over, hands on knees, hoping the spinning would stop as the floor came up to smack her cheek.

Claire felt her body was being jostled as she returned to consciousness. She was leaning against a large muscular chest so someone must be carrying her. A door closed and she felt a soft couch under her. She kept her eyes closed, more for nausea than a desire to stay hidden behind her lids. Her gloves were pulled off and someone blew warm air against her fingers. 

Claire opened her eyes to Jamie, crouched on the floor trying to warm up her hands. 

“Jamie Fraser.”

“Oh, good yer awake, ye scared me half to death lass. Dinna move yet. How do ye feel, should I call an ambulance?”

“Certainly not! I am fine, just a little dizzy. I am sorry for the drama, but your store was the closest warm building and I knew I was in trouble. I..I’m really very sorry.”

“Dinna move yet Sassenach! Please stay there for a few minutes. What happened to ye?”

“What did you just call me?” Claire’s voice was soft and questioning and she could see Jamie blush.

“Sassenach. It means …outsider…because of yer accent. Yer not a Scot is what I mean.”

“Maybe if I was, I wouldn’t pass out after running three miles in the cold.”

Claire inched her way into a sitting position and took a deep breath, feeling better but not well enough to run herself home. Jamie kept telling her to stay put so she did, enjoying a lovely chat with this interesting man. He fed her cookies and coffee until the color came back to her face. When Claire glanced at her watch and almost shot off the couch reaching for her phone. 

“Madu! I am so sorry! I passed out halfway through my run today and I’m at the new bookstore in town. Can you come and get me? Yes, I’m alright, my friend here saved me with cookies and coffee. What? No! I did not say cookies. Why, did you hear cookies? She laughed weakly and dropped her phone into her coat pocket. She smiled at Jamie.

“Thank you for the rescue Jamie but I am out of your hair. She shook his hand and feasted on the bluest eyes she had ever seen, “goodbye.”

Jamie watched Claire from his upstairs office until a car pulled up to take her away. No cookies, he thought, what kind of life is that? 

Jamie wanted desperately to watch the dancer tonight, but he was just there last night. He worried about his obsession with her and pushed back with a limit of once per week. The night before she had dropped backward like she was made of rubber and he felt her head on his shoulder. It took him several minutes to breathe normally again. 

“Who are ye lass, and why won’t ye speak to me?”

A month later Claire was bobbing through crowds of shoppers as she ran through the retail district of Edinburgh. She couldn’t wait for the holidays to end so she could have her solitary run back. She launched into a sprint and heard her name called in the distance. She turned to see Jenny Fraser and friends, arm waving over her head with a big smile.

“Claire! Come say hello!”

Claire smiled and jogged back to the group and Jenny. Four women about her age were all smiles and warmth, talking about Christmas and Hogmanay. Claire was swept away by the welcoming women and allowed herself to sit and chat over hot cocoa. She could hear Madu in her mind listing the evils of sugar and became increasingly agitated until she broke away from the group and started running again. It felt like she was transported to a town in a Rockwell painting where she would have friends like Jenny and weight gain from Christmas treats was her biggest concern. Maybe someday she thought. 

Getting back to her townhouse she added something to her list of fun activities on the refrigerator. “Having Cocoa with friends.” Her list was growing. There were now six activities. 

Jamie struggled through Christmas day at Lallybroch. His anxiety felt like an army of ants had invaded his legs, biting him without mercy. When supper was over and cleaned up, he took off for the Bookstore to catch up on some work. Try as he might, the oppressive walls were closing in on him before a single report was read. It was useless to continue his fake reading, so he grabbed his coat and walked the streets, looking in store windows and letting his thoughts wander. Someone ran past him, billowing steam from panting and running quickly away. 

“Claire!”

She stopped and turned around but all he could see was a white smile deep inside her hood. He caught up to her and putting his arm around her they walked together. Claire was really happy to have a diversion on this lonely day and night. She needed company and for a time Jamie was a dream come true. They pointed and joked about what was displayed in shop windows and Jamie asked a lot of questions that she couldn’t answer. He finally gave up to enjoy the respite offered by little Claire tagging along.

“I will respect yer privacy Sassenach, no more questions about yer job or where ye live. Can I ask why ye run all the time, and without cookies! So, tell me the truth of it, squirt.”

Claire looked up at Jamie and felt a friendship that she knew was real, still, all she could do is laugh and shrug her shoulders just before she took off to run home. 

“Wait! Have ye thought any more about the job?”

Claire was jogging backward so she could see him, “I’ll do it!” Said laughing, before she turned around to run home.

Jamie watched her until her form was little more than a dark mark on the horizon. It was getting quite cold, so he turned toward the bookstore to head home. 

Now that the distraction of Claire was gone, the shrouded mystery dancer spun in his head and Jamie felt his anger rage. Get out of my head, he thought, I’m tired of livin like this and I’m tired of you. Jamie forced her out of his thoughts and instead took a hard look at what was becoming a real problem. His constant presence at the restaurant, stalking her in the parking lot, shelling out at least four-hundred-dollars a month and losing interest in any other part of his life. Jamie pulled his truck to the side of the dirt road he lived on and looked straight ahead at Lallybroch. 

He stayed in that position like he had been turned to stone. All the supporting evidence of his ill-placed obsession ran through his mind over and over until his head pounded. The obvious answer was to stop seeing her, cold turkey. She refused to speak to him for months and his continued pursuit was pure folly, if not illegal. He exhaled a long, sad, breath and promised himself he would see a therapist if he could not stop on his own. 

“Christ, I need a twelve-step program for belly dancer watchin. A new low for ye Jamie boy,” he said to the air, and finished his miserable ride home. 

Jenny was in the living room bundled into a blanket on the couch with her phone in hand, laughing and texting one of her gang. Jamie sat down and sighed rubbing his hands on his jeans. His sister saw his miserable face and put her phone down.

“I know ye’ve been possessed by some problem lately. Is this a sign yer ready to talk about it?”

Jamie looked at sweet Jenny’s face for a full minute before speaking. “I have a problem Jen and it’s gonna ruin my life if I don’t find a way out. Let me tell ye what I’ve done.”

Jamie talked for thirty minutes, pouring his heart out and leaving no secrets. Jenny had never heard more than a handful of sentences out of her brother in one sitting so she made not a peep during this momentous confession. She wiped at tears in her eyes twice, feeling her brother had been duped out of his money and time by swindling gypsies. 

Jenny was furious. The boy who walked her home from school each day, taught her how to drive, took her shopping for her prom dress and held her up during their father's funeral was hurting. He was the king of men to Jenny and she was rocked to the core with hatred for this belly dancer.


	3. Chapter 3

The day after Hogmanay, the world looked completely new and different to Jamie. It always did because of his mother telling him about the new year, fresh beginnings and a casting off of mistakes and baggage from the year before. Gather yer blessins to take into the new year and forget the rest, she would say.

Jamie spent time hiking the hills where ever the snow would allow. He needed to be alone in the uncomplicated outdoors so his twisted mind could unravel, set goals for the new year, and dream about a lovely future. His mother’s voice was heard again telling him to have a picture in his mind of where he wanted to be in a year. “Make a braw picture in your in mind so yer feet will know which way to go, Jamie boy.”

By this time next year… Hmm   
Reunite with his childhood friends and celebrate Hogmanay together.  
He would see the finished barn he promised Jenny he would build for her, three years ago.  
Hiking and climbing once a week to build his strength and overall health.  
He would pay it forward in Edinburgh, he and Claire, with reading programs, book clubs and free classes for computers and creative writing. 

He would have to open another store this year but this time he would find a way to pull any local bookseller into his project rather than leave them to mourn. 

He would keep his workweek to forty hours, well fifty at most, when the new project was underway.

Jamie was smiling as he saw Lallybroch in the distance. He felt better and he had a plan. Throughout his hike and planning the coming year, the veiled girl beckoned him. Get outa my head temptress, ye mean nothin to me, he thought.

Claire had danced at many celebrations during the holidays and it was time to treat herself with some new clothes. She would not feel buyer’s remorse because the bank account would hardly notice the loss of Benjamins. Still, she called in reinforcement to prevent her from bolting at the first price tag. 

“Geillis, I am walking into Epitome right now and if you don’t hurry, I promise to buy every beige garment I see.”

“Impossible Claire because I’m already here with a full dressin room waiitin for ye. Look up for Christ’s sake before ye crash into the makeup counter.”

When Claire looked up, there was Geillis pointing to a dressing room. Claire was surprised by all the color in the garments and she balked saying she wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing any of it.

Geillis held a beautiful royal blue sweater out for her. “Ye wear leggings underneath and boots that fit yer calf or ankle boots with a heel for date night. Jesus Claire, dinna roll eyes at me, ye need to consider going out with a man when one of them asks ye.”

“They only ask when I dance, and the shock of seeing the real me will have them running for the hills I’m afraid.”

“So we lessen the chasm between ye and the other ye and it starts with color and beautiful clothes. Dinna forget I’m with ye enough to know ye made a small fortune over the holiday. I think Omar is jealous, God knows I am. What about this one?”

For the rest of the afternoon, the girls ran from one shop to another as Claire’s back seat filled with her brave purchases. Sweaters, leggings, scarfs, boots, tops, jeans, a tailored coat and soft comfortable dresses for curling up on a couch or chair for a book club meeting. Claire was feeling braver and laughing more, until Geillis put the fear of God into her heart by stopping at a salon. It was the best in Edinburgh, so she marched inside to make Claire an appointment. 

The man behind the counter was model gorgeous with jet black hair and crystal blue eyes. His wide mouth was adorned with a trimmed mustache that made his white teeth sparkle. Geillis started at the top of his perfect head and devoured bite-size pieces hoping he was tall and hung like a horse. 

Claire raced in after Geillis to stop her and witnessed her friend morph into a purring, circling, huntress. His name was Joseph and he had a cancellation and could take Claire right now. Claire rapidly shook her head no, but Geillis forgot how to hear as she pulled her reluctant friend to follow Joseph. He led the ladies into his own private room and barely heard a word from Claire before he started cutting. Claire looked from Geillis to the stylist and figured neither one would be communicating with her now, so she closed her mouth and her eyes. She could hear some lady in the main salon complaining bitterly that she had been on Joseph’s waiting list for a year and this was just not fair!

Claire hated her hair since she was old enough to have an opinion. It was frizzy-curly that she tamed with loads of hairpins and detangler. It was like a curse on her feminity because she never could style it, wear it down or in a pony tail. On her rare trips to the bedroom for sex she would emerge looking quite like Einstein with a red face. He could shave it off for all she cared. It was why she loved wearing wigs so much.

Joseph was wrapping Claire’s hair in large plastic rods, allowing Geillis to flirt and toss her hair like some crazy person. Claire peaked up at the two of them and noticed Joseph was caught in her web, like a hooked fish that Claire hoped knew how to cut hair. The eyes closed and her mind practiced her new routines until she felt Joseph take her hand. 

The amount of hair on the floor was staggering and Claire’s hand instantly reached for her head but only touched the plastic rods. She was seated and then laid back with her neck locked into a U shaped cut out in the ceramic sink. It was like a torture device sculpted for maximum pain that was quickly getting worse. She looked up and saw both faces above her, but they were talking to each other and didn’t seem to notice her. It can’t get any worse she thought until freezing water gushed out of a hand-held sprayer that soaked her face dripping into her sweater.

The big rods were removed, one more soaking, and a towel dropped on her face as Geillis pulled Joseph into a corner to play with his hair. Claire held the towel to her dripping hair and sat down in the stylist’s chair that was unfortunately turned away from the mirror. Claire twisted her head trying to see what had become of her hair, until she was jolted back by Joseph man-handling the towel and squeezing the water out of her hair. Claire glared at Geillis.

Next, a loud blow dryer was following chunks of her hair wound around a brush as Joseph’s expert hands pulled and twisted sections of hair while staring at Geillis. It wasn’t intolerable. The warm air was chasing away the cold from her wet sweater. A rather large razor edge was pulled down taught sections of hair around her face and her large eyes watched it twist and turn an inch from her skin. The blow dryer once again and then the cape was pulled off her with flourish. Claire felt the chair drop slowly as Joseph turned her toward the mirror.

Claire stared at her reflection with wide eyes that looked bigger and her lips looked more prominent. She pulled herself out of the chair and leaned toward the mirror where she looked at her features an inch from the glass. Her eyes gorged on her amazing hair for five minutes. Where did all this bouncy, straight hair come from, she wondered. Her bangs were cut very long and angled to sweep across her face covering one eye. Holy fucking Christmas, she thought, this was a mad miracle and she was desperate to find out how to style it like this.

“Joseph! I lov…” They were kissing and Joseph held her coat out to her. Guess that’s my cue to leave, she thought. Good thing Geillis had her own car. Claire tossed a folded hundred-dollar bill on the front desk and told the person it was for Joseph. Paid in full or just the first installment, Claire didn’t give a rip. For now, anyway, the cursed hair looked as good as the bouncing bobs that shined on the magazine covers. She raced home to stare at herself and try everything on, twice.

Toppled boxes and bags were strewn across Claire’s studio floor. She had pulled her make up organizer out and was sitting on the floor in full light an inch from the mirror. Every ten minutes or so she ran to the bathroom to wash her face and start over. The laptop glowed next to her and she typed Eva Mendes into Google and looked closely at her favorite eyes in Hollywood. She was determined to learn, and scrubbed her face three more times, blinking back stinging tears to answer her ringing cell phone. 

“Claire, my dahling, a pipe ruptured in the kitchen and the restaurant is closed until next week. Three days they tell me so go visit relatives and rest, aibnatu.” Claire smiled at the Arabic daughter reference and jumped back in front of the mirror. She carefully plucked at her eyebrows using Eva Mendes as a reference again. She went painstakingly slow to avoid a catastrophic patch pulled out by accident. An hour later she moved her eyeballs from one brow to the other, happy with the arc.

Claire was nervous about wearing her new clothes and hair in public. She still felt like she was playing dress-up and did not want to embarrass herself. Geillis was still not answering her cell and Claire was getting bored. She pulled her new coat on and looked at all sides in the mirror. What’s the worse that can happen? Somebody points at my ridiculous clothes behind my back? No biggie. She reached for her purse and left.

Jamie would be long gone at this hour, so she decided to check out the bookstore in his absence and take a look at the side rooms used for kid stories and adult book club meetings. It was a perfect place to find her confidence. Brightly lit, she would know if people were laughing at her. She parked and exhaled a billowing cloud of steam in the twenty-degree interior of her car.

There were two large carousel doors in the front of the store and stepping into one she looked up at a man on the other side of the glass pushing his way outside and staring at her. Claire looked at the floor convinced the man had dropped something. Looking up she realized she missed her opportunity to exit into the store and had to go around again. I am sure no one saw that she decided.

The store was gigantic, and Claire felt her heart race as she read the section names placed high on the shelves to lead people to what they sought. Claire knew where Jamie’s office was from the one time she was here and made sure it was dark before venturing in. She was free to explore the store unnoticed and felt a rush of excitement to see as much as possible.

Jamie pretended to eat as he pushed the peas and carrots around his plate making small talk with Jenny and his best friend Ian. He was lost in his daydreams of spinning veils and exotic eyes, hoping Jenny would not ask him about it. Strangely, Jenny and Ian were getting on like two peas in a pod and hardly noticed him. Once supper was cleaned up, he slipped away and headed for the restaurant and the dancer who would not leave his head.

The closer he got the faster he drove until he looked up at a dark building and empty parking lot. He circled around and read the note about the closure due to plumbing. Christ, he would surely implode waiting until next week to see her. He rolled out of the parking lot heading for the bookstore. Dropping in on the night manager and his staff could pay dividends in future months. Maybe the night wasn’t a total bomb after all. 

Once inside the store Jamie kept close to the shelves where he could observe the staff, happy and helpful, going from music to video games and back to books, assisting customers. It made him content to see such productive employees looking for people to help. He continued to stroll through the store, watching for problems, or lazy staff running out the clock. He watched his newest hire helping a petite brunette in the classics section. She moved away and Jamie continued his lazy spying as he walked through the store. He smiled thinking he should get back to Ian before Jenny chewed his ears off with her continuous conversation. He walked along the row of rooms and offices noticing the brunette sitting inside a room with comfortable couches and chairs. The walls were glass so he could watch her as he walked. He felt something vaguely familiar about her but realized her glorious ass and legs would have been cataloged in his head, like every other pretty girl in Edinburgh. 

Jamie leaned against the door to open it enough to speak to her. 

“Excuse me, lass. This room is dedicated to the book clubs. There are couches scattered throughout the store if ye like to read a bit.”

“Book clubs, that sounds interesting. Who leads the club if I might ask?”

“Claire Beauchamp is in charge of our community programs.”

“Is she any good?”

“Oh yea, quite good.”

Jamie was trying to back out of a conversation he never wanted in the first place. When long legs were uncurled from under the woman, he was momentarily halted so he could watch skin tight jeans and boots. He could be running down the street with his hair on fire, but he would stop to watch gorgeous legs swing out of a car. Being temporarily diverted by the anatomy of the opposite sex was part of being a man he always thought.

“I am very close to Claire Beauchamp actually.” 

The woman passed through the door under Jamie’s arm and then turned to look at him in the light of the store. Jamie stared at her momentarily confused.

“It’s me, Mister Fraser, Claire Beauchamp,” she said smiling. “I didn’t have to work tonight and got bored, so I came by to see the rest of the store. I hope you don’t mind.”

“What have ye done to yerself?”

“Oh, I…I…” Claire’s hand reached up and touched her shoulder-length hair and looked nervously for an escape.”

Oh my God lass, he thought, I meant that in a good way. Ye have eyes, he thought, surely ye can see what’s right in front of your face.

He slowed himself down and looked at her like he was appraising a beautiful work of art for sale. 

“Ye know Sassenach, I’ve seen my share of makeovers, but none like this. He circled around her showing his appreciation. Claire’s cheeks blushed at his scrutiny, her confidence soared and she giggled at his exaggerated gawking.”

“It was nice to see you, Mister Fraser, I have to get home, goodnight.”

“Ah, two things Sassenach, how do I contact ye? For the community programs, I mean.”

Claire pulled the phone from his hand and punched in her number hearing the muffled ring in her purse. She looked up at him, “and the other thing?” 

Jamie was still staring at her trying to see all the changes. “Wednesday.”

“Wednesday?”

“Aye, C’mon, I’ll walk ye to yer car.”

They walked together to the other side of the store. Jamie waved at a few people but otherwise looked at Claire. There was something unsettling about the changes in her. It was making him feel weird, happy, confused and sad all at the same time. Aside from her momentary anxiety when he said something stupid, she was like a new woman and reminded him of someone, but who? 

Jamie failed to rally his senses before she dropped into her car. He turned to walk back to the store and looked when she called his name.

“What is happening on Wednesday?”

“Ye, here, and a bunch of wee ones, aye?”

“I will see you then Mister Fraser.”

A fortuitous meeting he thought, looking at her number on his phone. I’ll get the reading programs up and running before I leave for Glasgow. 

Jamie did not spend much time at a new store. Once it was opened and running smoothly, he was off to build another one.

A new store was a complex project that easily lost money from delays, inept contractors, expensive labor, and a million other factors. Jamie had commercial construction experience and hired on, nine years ago, as an assistant project manager. The job took him to cities all over Europe and America. He was home for holidays and vacations, otherwise, he was gone.

Halfway through his first year as assistant project manager, he received a formal invitation to a meeting of the full board the following month. The next day he received a phone call from the secretary of one of the members and later a large envelope was hand-delivered to him with plane tickets and a cashier’s check for one thousand dollars.

Jamie walked off the plane after landing in Germany and felt a small hand attached to an arm that linked through his. A pretty woman in business attire pulled him into a limo and handed him an apple martini while giving instructions to the driver in German. The woman sat close beside him and peeled off her jacket as Jamie gorged himself on her jutting chest and fat red lips. She dragged him through men’s clothing stores where a lucky few could afford to shop until his interview suit was complete. 

The woman watched him get in and out of his clothes at least a dozen times during the afternoon and when it was clear they were done she looked at her watch and then pushed him into a seat in the dressing room while pulling her blouse off. She was completely naked bouncing on Jamie’s lap and all he could do is hang on. His twenty years on earth had not prepared him for this thrilling experience, nor had the many dropped panties delivered him to the promised land quite like she did.

One month later, haircut and manicured hands, wearing a tailored suit and shiny shoes, Jamie met the members of the board for the first time. They had vetted Jamie so thoroughly they knew his test results in Chemistry from his sophomore year in high school. Millions of dollars would be gambled on his ability in the next ten years and the board gave him no quarter as they questioned his course of action in one impossible scenario after another. 

After three hours they all broke for lunch and vaporized except for one man. Clearly the youngest of the board members, he poured the world’s best whisky into a cut crystal glass and handed it to Jamie. 

“You are doing remarkably well Mister Fraser. You can relax because you’re already hired. Now comes the negotiation for salary and benefits. I cannot be seen coaching you so listen carefully, “tell them you want ten years as project manager followed by first right of refusal for every position that opens in the next grade up, forever. It will guarantee a life of promotions until you get dizzy from a fear of heights.” He poured Jamie another shot of the whisky he would remember for the rest of his life. 

“Good luck friend.” In seconds, Jamie was alone feeling his bravery assert itself. What the hell, he thought, friend or foe, he had a good feeling about the man. Jamie drained his glass and when the board reconvened, he gambled his career on the advice of a total stranger.

Steal gray eyes regarded Jamie under thick white eyebrows. Thin lips pressed together in a straight line across his deeply lined face. You could hear a pin drop in that room and Jamie wondered if the members could hear his ramming heart. He remembered his boss working seventy or more hours per week, missing the birth and growth of his kids, saying he had to make money while the opportunity lasted. Complaining his six-figure income would end after ten years and he would settle into managing whatever store they gave him, at a lower salary, for the rest of his career. 

When they offered the same package to Jamie, he stood at the end of the conference table with all eyes waiting for him to pledge his extraordinary life to corporate slave labor. He dropped his head for a minute of quiet before he threw the dice.

“My mother taught me to always know where I want to be, so my feet know which way to go.” He looked up at the man on the other end of the table. “I have a braw picture of my life before my dyin day,” he gave them a half-smile, “and I willna get there with yer offer. I’m sorry gentlemen, I respectfully decline.”

Jamie sat down, shaking from his feet to the crown of his head, silently invoking the love of his parents and the power of Lallybroch to carry him through the rest of the meeting. 

The white eyebrows asked Jamie to step out just as the door opened and the sexy secretary found his eyes, smiling her intent. She led him to a hallway and pushed him into a couch, then turned her attention to a flask and a shot glass pulled out of her briefcase. Jamie was so tired. He stared at the shot glass anticipating the lovely feeling it would bring. The woman handed it to him and told him to toss it back. He did.

The phone in the woman’s purse vibrated and she stood, bending over to press her tongue into Jamie’s mouth as she kissed him. 

“Good luck” she whispered into his ear and disappeared around the corner seconds before the conference room door opened.

Eight board members filed past Jamie, smiling and shaking his hand. White eyebrows was the last in line and told Jamie to expect an offer in the next two days. It would be hand-delivered and it would rock his world. 

He was feeling better, almost like superman as he walked to the exit of the building. Hearing his name, he turned around as the young board member caught up to him.

“Last bit of advice Jamie. In eleven years you will wonder what gift to send me as thanks for how I helped you today.” He pressed the bottle of whiskey into his hand. “I want a case of this.” He smiled with his perfect teeth, “It’s my favorite.”

Jamie watched Claire drive out of the parking lot and returned to the store. Jumping stairs two at a time to his office he left the lights off and drifted to sleep on his couch. Sometime in the dead of night, when unanswered questions are brought to the light, Jamie dreamed.

The dancer was twirling across the room straight toward him. He watched her like a statue, made of concrete and powerless to move. She stopped spinning six inches from him. She spoke rapid Arabic and he could only watch her mouth until she said “Jamie.”

His eyes snapped to her eyes. She spoke to him! Finally! She was pointing to something and his eyes followed the line she pointed to. He saw, in the distance, the room in his store where he found Claire. She sat on the floor with wee ones sitting all around her as she read to them. 

The dancer was pointing furiously at Claire, ”love her,” said in her broken English.

Jamie looked back to the dancer. There was love in his eyes, he could feel it. “I love you, I must be with you.”

The dancer took Jamie’s hand and led him across the floor approaching the dressing room. Before she entered the room, she turned around and Jamie saw she was sobbing and then she looked at Claire.

“Please.” Said through her tears. Jamie felt his mind snap having her so close to him. He looked around at the empty restaurant. They were alone and he would have his way with her.

“Jesus!” Jamie yelled in his sleep and his eyes flew open. “Ah diah!” His office was pitch black and the store was empty. He felt the huge erection that pulsed between his legs, his balls were pulled up tight to his body and stung like they were being poked by a live wire. He was literally seconds from ejaculation. All he had to do is close his eyes and see her kneel in front of him and his pain would turn to pleasure. Jamie was panting and conflicted, crazy angry at letting himself go back to her, even in his head.

“Leave me alone ye cunt!” He was seething mad just wanting a way out of this nightmare. “I dinna bide with rape but if it would rid yer presence in my head, I would break yer bones with my brutality.”

Jamie grabbed his coat and ran for his car feeling completely out of control. The speedometer pushed into the criminal zone as he sped through Edinburgh. Where is a cop when ye need one, he wondered? He had to be punished for thinking he could harm another person, especially a woman. A night in jail would be helpful, jar him back to reality before his well-constructed life crumbled around him. He raked a hand through his hair then gripped the steering wheel, hating the shaking that vibrated his fingers like he was as weak as a bairn. 

Jenny couldn’t see him this way, just in case she was awake, so he drove the back roads until his tank was almost empty. 

Being unsuccessful at getting arrested and nearly running his gas tank dry, Jamie turned into the Lallybroch driveway and sat in the quiet of his truck. Dawn was breaking across the fields and he saw himself running through the corn stalks as a lad with a single concern to get home before he was late for supper. He desperately wished he could go back in time, before his mistakes, and try again to be the man his parents raised. 

He took a deep breath and walked to the front door noticing Ian’s car was still where he left it. Jamie wondered if he was sacked out on the couch and felt the sting of guilt for leaving like he did.  
Setting the alarm for two hours he dropped into bed. Sleep came quickly as she wrapped her cadaverous long fingers around his defenseless brain.


	4. Chapter 4

Claire sat on a high-pile, soft rug with children circled around her. Jamie noticed they all leaned forward from their Indian-style positions, eyes wide and staring at Claire. They were all on their trusted ponies flying across the Arizona desert, running after the bad guys who robbed the train. Claire did her best to narrate the story with inflections of fear and desperation while the story became real to those around her. 

Jamie made a trip to his office and was waiting for Claire when the wee ones ran to their mothers, laden with purchases from the store. The room emptied out in ten minutes and Jamie flopped down on an overstuffed chair. He handed a baggie full of orange slices to Claire.

He noticed that her hair was still down and today she wore a soft dress with a bright colored flower pattern. The skirt was almost to her ankles so sitting on the floor, being eye to eye with the kids was easy. He looked at her approvingly, happy she had embraced her new look. 

Claire noticed Jamie hanging around during her Storytime and book club meetings and he always kept her after for conversation and shared food. She wasn’t sure she understood what he needed but if she could answer his questions and understand his conversation she just went with the flow. 

“I’m leavin Claire. It’s time for a new manager to take over this store so I can get to Glasgow.”

“I’m sure you will be missed, Jamie.”

“I’ve been doin this for the past nine years. This is the last store I will build. Once it’s up and running I start a new job, new level, and maybe dinna move around so much. Even if I’m offered a corporate position it willna be here in Scotland. More likely Germany or London.”

Claire did not understand where the conversation was going so she just kept up for his sake. Jamie was always so confident about the book business, but she thought it sounded like a lonely existence and wondered if he felt the same. She had never known a man more beautiful than Jamie Fraser and thought it unlikely that he spent time alone if he didn’t want to. So why did he come to see her dance? Week after week leaving hundreds of pounds for her.

“Claire, I want ye to consider taking over for me, as manager of the store. Ye’ve owned a bookstore, this is just bigger. I trust ye lass and that is more important than any experience or degree. Please think about it and we can talk again in a few days.”

“How about tonight? There is so much I don’t know.” She watched him intently.

“Sorry lass. I have plans tonight and canna break em.”

Claire sped across town and found a grumpy Madu in her studio, pacing like an irritated bull. He could look quite intimidating Claire thought. He was over six foot with a muscular frame and a mop of black curls fell against his cheeks and forehead. A beautiful man, she thought, watching him in the seconds before he noticed her. 

She could feel his interest in her, barely contained, ready to sweep her off her feet. They would make a good match she assumed. His family would embrace the orphan in her and Madu would show her the heights of passion she had only dreamed of. The union made perfect sense, but she had not fallen in love with him the way she always dreamed it would be. 

Claire had only one reference for passion and love, the face of Jamie Fraser when she danced for him. She noticed the change in his look, his posture, his gaze that touched her in a place she had not known before. What started out as punishment for someone she hated had become a quest that she was ashamed of, but she continued, desperate to know what smoldered behind his eyes.

Claire jerked out of her reverie when Madu called to her. Her head flew up and she rattled off excuses for being late, running to dress for her dance. Madu gave her a knowing look and waited for the student to stand before him.

Claire considered Jamie’s offer to manage the bookstore. Her popularity for exhibition dancing and private parties had grown, as did her fees for such things. While the good people of Edinburgh were going to bed each night, she was draped in veils doing what she loved. She would help the new manager as much as she could but decided to decline Jamie’s offer.

As Jamie’s final days in Edinburgh grew near, he spent more time at the restaurant watching her dance. Claire tried to imagine his absence in her life, in the audience, and at the bookstore, as he went on with his life without her. The promise and desire behind his eyes would remain unknown to her and the blame was hers alone. If she had told him from the beginning that she was the dancer things would have gone differently. But she was hell-bent on revenge at that time and then it was too late. She tried to think of a dozen ways to tell him the truth but nothing would hide her betrayal, so she accepted her fate. 

Jamie accepted Claire’s decision not to manage the bookstore like a gentleman and told her he was a phone call away if she needed anything. He promised to visit often as the new store was just a town away. 

When he brought the new manager around for everyone to meet, Claire decided she was looking into the eyes of a human Bambi. John Grey was handsome on Jamie’s level but in a softer, more refined way. His smile was something to behold and she almost lost herself in it until she looked at Jamie and felt his power burn her on the inside. 

Jamie was shaking hands and laughing with the staff, but he caught Claire in a moment of weakness and the look on her face made the hair on his neck stand up. She pulled away from the group and disappeared. He looked for her later wanting to spend some time with her before he left but she was nowhere to be found.

Claire drove home to get ready for her dance tonight. It felt like she was full of adrenalin with that awful feeling of impending doom. She knew this was about Jamie and his last night in Edinburgh. Whatever did she want from the poor man who never received as much as a nod from her? 

“Geillis! I have a problem. There is a man I have danced for numerous times. The way he looks at me makes my knees weak and I can barely keep it together. He is leaving town tomorrow and I may not see him again.”

“Okay Claire, you have my attention and I’m waiting for the problem. He’s married, he’s gay, he’s homeless, what?”

“No. None of those things. He’s perfect, and single, and moving to another town after tonight. I want to know him, that way, before I lose the opportunity.”

“That way?” Geillis was quiet for a minute. “Do ye mean ye want to fuck him, Claire?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then do it.”

Geillis caught on quickly that Claire needed help so she pledged to be there right after work, and they would make a plan.

Claire spent a quiet afternoon thinking about what she was doing and realized she could not stop herself if she wanted to. She spent an hour in a hot tub removing all her body hair, even her most intimate places. She was painstaking about her makeup, eyelashes, and bright red lipstick. The oil she smoothed over her skin was from Cairo, a gift from Madu. It heightened her senses when she dabbed it between her legs until she almost fell completely apart. 

Pulling her most prized costume from her closet she zipped it into a garment bag for her second show, when she would touch Jamie and he would touch her.

Geillis whistled at the costume Claire chose and said she was getting hot just looking at it. 

“Claire, relax. If ye want to fuck this guy and ye look like that, and he’s interested, then just let it happen.”

Geillis was winding the string of chains around Claire’s hips and looked at her friend.

“Ye know sex doesna bring love, right Claire?”

Claire nodded her head and raised her arms for the chain bra top Geillis was pulling onto her chest. It was time for her second dance and the invitation for Jamie to come to her dressing room. Claire felt the throbbing between her legs and could not wait for whatever was on the other side of that desire in his eyes.

When the spotlight hit the rows of chains, Claire sparkled like a thousand diamonds. Her body undulated up out of the fog layer Omar cranked out. Her performance was raw, and sexual, the best of her career because she would never have a greater prize than Jamie Fraser to dance for.

Jamie sat transfixed, unable to move as he watched the undulating hips and popping breasts promise forbidden love, the kind he would trade his soul for. As she spun in his direction the chains flew out at waist level looking punishing for any man who ventured to close to her. He watched her spin away from him and in a magical moment, he saw a card left on the table. 

I await you, is all it said, and Jamie shook his head wondering if he imagined it was an invitation. He walked to the stage door and knocked softly. Diners were still eating but didn’t seem to notice him waiting for the door to open.

A warm hand pulled him into the dressing room which glowed with dozens of candles that smelled amazing and exotic. He bent to Claire and kissed her softly, noticing her chest rise and fall with her deep breathing. Whether from arousal or nerves he would take his time and see her relaxed and needy before he feasted on her body. 

“What is your name lass?”

In that instant, Claire’s plan popped like a bubble. Holy crap, she thought, I have to talk to him? Why the hell didn’t I think this through? Her panic was rising, gripping her throat to choke her for being so selfish and concupiscent. In her panic, she could not think of a way to control the situation. She was bested and she knew it, so she just stopped moving and hung her head. She had heard enough Arabic to string some words together and show Jamie the door. 

He looked confused but he left, and she locked the door behind him. Claire was too exhausted to cry or do anything else. She laid on the sofa waiting to hear Jamie’s truck drive away, praying he would not come back with more talking. She closed her eyes and imagined his touch, above her, beside her, behind her. Her body craved him and the sublime physical joining that would free her from the mundane world she lived in. Why had she convinced herself this was even possible? Because at the moment it felt like her life depended on it. 

Claire heard Omar knock softly on the dressing room door, probably waiting to walk her out. When the door swung open Jamie lifted her up and kissed her quiet as he pulled the breath out of her lungs and every thought from her mind.

“No talking lass, just let me kiss you and touch you a bit then I go, without a word. There’s a reason you invited me here and a reason I came, that’s enough for me.” His kiss seared her lips with his heat and his hands ran over her body like he was touching the holy grail. 

Claire twisted the buttons open and pushed his shirt off. She gazed at his muscled chest and arms feeling herself blush when he chuckled at her reaction. The kissing continued until Claire’s mind and body belonged to James Fraser. When she pulled her bra top off he held her away to look at her, then he embraced her, skin on skin, tilting her head up to kiss him again. 

Claire knew the chains and veils would not easily come off without instruction and she did not want him to stop kissing so she pulled them off and stepped out of the tiny pants. 

Jamie feasted on her perfect skin and lithe form watching the candlelight bounce off the flat planes of her body. He was speed stripping to catch up with her nakedness, wanting to feel her inside and out for as long as she let him. 

Claire laid on the sofa, arms raised to him, mouth open, chest heaving. Jamie burned the sight of her into his brain to keep forever. His large warm hands caressed every inch of her from neck to feet as he laid soft kisses in their path. She felt his hot breath on her nipples before he filled his mouth and sucked to make her remember. When she was powerless to move, he pushed her arms over her head and wrapped several chains around her wrists before he stole the remaining part of her brain. His kiss started softly as his knuckles ran down her body, over her nipples, brushing against her core. 

Each minute was more exciting and pleasurable than the last as Jamie swept her into an erotic fog that shot firecrackers to her brain. When Jamie’s knuckles started their return trip, he nudged her legs apart and dragged a finger up her fold. Claire bucked in his arms and she struggled to loosen the chains on her wrists. His long arm pulled the chains tight just before she felt his beard on the soft skin of her inner thigh. Pulling her legs apart he placed what felt like dozens of soft kisses between her legs, and inner thighs. Every few minutes the tip of his tongue would touch her bud nearly rocking her off the couch.

Claire didn’t think she could take much more without self-combusting. She felt Jamie shift his position and his hot, wet tongue slid into her, torturously slow as she gasped and arched her back seeking friction.

He would not be hurried with the beautiful dancer and intended to make this last, for both their sake. Claire was immobilized, without hands to distract him, so he set a slow pace and was thrilled the way her body reacted to him. He pressed his tongue deeper into her and his gigantic erection grazed the side of the sofa, hot and angry for being ignored.

Two long fingers replaced his tongue and he felt the walls of her pussy clamp down as he moved them in and out. She moaned and rocked his fingers feeling like she would explode. Jamie felt joy and satisfaction watching her fall apart. He lowered his head and flicked her bud viciously knowing the instant she left the earth. No longer on the plane of mortal man, she kissed angels and fell through layers of sparkling, raw sensation.

She felt the chains loosen around her wrist as Jamie kissed her deeply, preventing her full return to sanity. He wanted more, and she wanted to give it. He carefully negotiated the small sofa, pulling her knees up, creating a space to lay his long body as his tip pressed lightly against her opening. The intensity of his kissing made Claire’s hips rise to find him. Jamie smiled at her heroic effort to squirm under him until her wet pussy was pressing his tip into her. 

He held her hips still and slowly pushed into her, watching her expression, feeling her energy shift to acquiescence. She surrendered to his strength, his need, his promise. As Jamie pushed into her he laid claim to her mind, soul, and body. His hard thrusting was banging into her clit making her lose her mind. Jamie kissed her deeply and felt her body grab him as her back arched tightly against his chest. 

Jamie watched Claire’s orgasm second by second. She was wild, uninhibited, and completely under his spell. He released the iron grip on himself, slamming into her at least a dozen times, fearing he would lose his mind from the stinging in his balls.

The banging cymbals leading up to his release suddenly stopped as he was rocked to the core with pulsing pleasure. He floated back to her and nuzzled her neck. They were slippery with sweat and Jamie gathered her under him to keep her warm while she dozed. When she would startle awake her arms clutched him around his neck like she didn’t want to be without him, making his heart ache for her. 

Jamie laid very still, watching Claire succumb to her exhaustion and kissing her quiet when she startled. He did not want this to end and letting her sleep added precious moments with her. He pulled her into a massive cuddle that overwhelmed her sluggish senses and she slept deeply for several hours while Jamie watched. 

He was not used to the intensity of their lovemaking that now filled his head. Remembering her body quaking under him, mouth and eyes open, chest heaving while he pushed his full length into her. He could feel his erection growing until it throbbed for her again. She startled and grabbed him wrapping her arms around him to hold him to her.

Jamie pulled her to his chest and wiggled under her as his large hands held her gorgeous butt against him. She kissed him like her life depended on it and when he broke the kiss, she chased his mouth until he was putty in her hands. When she felt his tip against her, she pushed back until he slipped into her with a gasp.

Control temporarily lost, he wrapped his hands around her shoulders pulling down and pushing his cock deeper inside her. Jamie almost came when he looked into the eyes of a woman who would shred this couch to get to him. She needed to come, like a powder cake ready to explode and only he could make it happen.

Jamie grabbed her shoulders and lifted her upper body, so she straddled him. He groaned when her body opened to him, letting him sink into her warm wetness. Claire glared at him, panting, hands splayed on his chest. The feeling was so intense she couldn’t help but move her hips until she felt Jamie’s strong hands on top of her shoulders, holding her down. He sat up so they were face to face and pressed her shoulders down again feeling his dick go deeper into her body. He watched her eyes, only inches from his own. She didn’t know what was happening and no longer cared. She trusted Jamie to see her safely through the explosions she knew were coming. 

We are almost there love, he thought, as he pushed her shoulders down and pressed his erection even deeper. Claire was wide-eyed and wanton when he impaled her, and he knew she had not been touched like this before. 

Claire knew something was about to happen, good or bad she was powerless to stop it. He touched her cheek and smiled, then he touched her throbbing core and watched Claire’s world spin out of control. She threw her head back and rocked him with her hips until she slowly came back to earth. Her eyes opened and she smiled her gratitude, breathing deeply. He touched it again and she flew even higher in a long continuous moan as her hips rocked his cock again. 

Jamie could not hold out any longer and flipped them pushing her legs over his shoulders for a dozen thrusts and stopped. Claire watched him get to his knees and push her legs open. He stared at her core for a long minute before he pulled her pelvis up and entered her again, watching the erotic show as his cock slid into her, over and over again until he shuttered and exploded deep inside her.

Jamie collapsed next to her panting for his life and refusing to let her go. He felt her hands on his cheeks as she kissed his face a dozen times, and then he felt nothing.

Some hours later Jamie woke up and smiled at the curled angel he held. He was leaving for his next job in Glasgow and wondered if he would ever see her again. He felt his heart swell at her trust and mutual interest. When he pushed the hair out of her face she smiled and pulled a lungful of air and opened her eyes.

Claire woke up to panic as the room was filling with light from the sunrise. Jamie could see the panic on her face and jumped up to dress quickly. He promised no words, so he kissed her softly and left.

She laid still with her heart ramming until she heard Jamie’s truck roar onto the road. Ten minutes later she was brave enough to get up and pull her sweatsuit on before disposing of the evidence of their magical night. She wondered if she would ever again feel a man touch her like Jamie did. 

Claire looked at her watch and counted the hours until Geillis would come to get this wig off her head. Geillis added dots of the glue around the entire wig, so she didn’t worry about it slipping. Now she couldn’t get even a finger under it. She dropped her keys on the kitchen table heading for the shower. Raising her leg over the tub she saw warm liquid from Jamie run down her inner thigh. She watched it until her tears rolled down her cheeks and she pressed her face into a towel and sobbed. 

Jamie pulled into Lallybroch and noticed Ian’s car in the driveway again. He looked up at Jenny’s window forming a possible reason before shaking his head and laughing. “It’ll never happen,” he said out loud. Ian was like a family member. Since they were lads Lallybroch was his second home and he often met up with friends and left his car overnight.

An hour later, Jamie tossed his suitcase, and briefcase in the back of his truck, the garment bag with his suits was hung inside the cab. With Glasgow just an hour away it hardly felt like he was going anywhere. How odd, he thought, that his last project would be in Scotland and so close to his home. 

Once his big black truck was pointed at Glasgow, he sat back and let his mind drift back to the trauma he felt leaving home the first year. He hugged Jenny for a full minute and looked at her crying eyes trying to be brave. His Da shook his hand beaming with pride and fighting his own tears. Jamie walked away to board a very large plane that would fly him to Ann Arbor Michigan where he would build his first store. 

The odds were stacked in his favor thanks to eight gentlemen that knew what factors influenced success and correctly matched the project to the manager. Putting Jamie on the other side of the world, where English was spoken, the winters were long and cold, in a college town with a superior football team, and thousands of coeds was no accident. 

The next year was Italy, after that France, then back to America, England, Australia, Italy again, Germany, Edinburgh, and now Glasgow. He always came home to Lallybroch to rest. Sometimes it was three months, many years it was less. 

Jamie’s natural charisma pulled people to him like moths to flame so he never felt lonely, or afraid. He saw his life as a never-ending string of new experiences, new challenges, and new people to meet, which became his Achilles heel.

Jamie remembered her still, the girl he cared for in Ann Arbor, the girl he left behind and then missed for the entire next year. It was a lesson to his heart to stay away from those most interesting, the most lovable, the most anything. He would find a lass or two in each town and move on quickly when they wanted more from him. It was a hard thing to do because he craved intimacy and feeling connected to someone. As his Scotland friends paired up and became a husband, Jamie realized he was going against the natural order, denying himself a heart to love. It got harder each year, but he never faltered from his plan. He would not leave a string of broken hearts in his wake.

The dancer crept into his thoughts and in his mind he reached for her, lovingly, protectively. Well, looks like yer comin to Glasgow with me. I thought maybe last night would cure me but here ye are. I’m no sorry. Ye are a rare gift to the world and I dinna want to let ye go. Not yet.

Geillis was losing patience, “hold still or I’ll spill this acetone in yer eye!”

She wasn’t feeling charitable this morning after being roused from her newest squeeze by a begging Claire. She dabbed the Q-tip into the glue as she pulled the hair from Claire’s skin. 

“I hope the sex was worth all this.” She paused for a minute. “This is when ye tell me all about it lass.”

Claire stared out her kitchen window with a blank face seeming not to hear her friend's inquiry. She felt him touch her skin with warm hands that made magic happen the whole night. She tasted salty sweat from kissing his face when he was still far away spinning in pleasure. 

“Claire!”

“What!”

“I’m talkin to ye lass. I’m gonna pull it off, ye ready?”

The wig pulled away and Claire instantly felt ten degrees cooler to her relief. 

“Meet me at the wig store after work. Ye canna wear that one until yer skin heals. We can find somethin else to use. I have to break land-speed records to make it to work on time. Sorry to leave ye with the mess.”

Claire crawled into her bed where she would dream of copper-colored curls that tickled her nose, and thighs, and back. 

For the next month, she spent a lot of time at the bookstore helping the new manager get settled. When she heard little voices yell her name she brightened considerably and watched tiny bodies run to the glass room with grateful mothers behind them. 

The second month came and went but the bookstore still felt cold and sterile to her. John was becoming a dear friend who craved her company because he was alone in a strange city. Compared to Jamie, it was child’s play to avoid John’s constant questions about her other job. Claire was rarely bothered with anxiety anymore, so life went on with no great highs and no great lows.

When Claire was reading to her pint-sized fans she reached across the circle and pretended to grab someone's nose as little people erupted in laughter. Claire giggled back to her sitting position and froze when she heard his voice. Her heart was ramming and her ears almost hurt as they were seeking another sound wave, his wave, his cadence, and burr. 

The story was over and the kids piled out to their waving mothers. Claire’s legs were hugged tight and tiny sets of eyes looked up to her smiling and waving. She waved back as the last few mothers led their children toward the exit. And there he was. 

Claire felt the air evacuate from the room as she watched his genuine smile and outstretched arms. She leaned into him, smelling something lovely and familiar, wanting so badly to touch his curls and face. She felt his vibrating laugh when she hugged him and then quickly righted herself back to the friend zone tucking away her wants and desires for someone forbidden. 

She smiled when John or Jamie made a joke but otherwise busied herself with cleaning up her room and flicking the lights off. She walked quickly to the exit and felt strong hands grab her arm pulling her to a halt. She knew that touch, those big hands, and felt herself shake inside.

“How is the new project going, Jamie?”

“It’s been a bitch, still is, but I’m done-in from all that anxiety and deadline insomnia.” He smiled at her, so relaxed and looking genuinely happy to see her. “I’m goin back tomorrow once I conclude some business here in Edinburgh, part of which is you.”

Claire looked up at him trying to look coy and relaxed. “What pray tell would that be?”

“Next weekend is Easter, Claire. I want ye to come to Lallybroch and spend the day with Jenny and me. Will ye come?”

“Yes, that would be lovely, thank you. And John? Will he be joining us too?”

“Who?”

Claire tilted her head to the upstairs office where John would be sweating bullets waiting for Jamie to announce the real reason he was here and hoping to have his job when he was through.

“Ah, yes of course lass, John too.”

Claire offered her hand and saw the change in Jamie’s face. “Until next weekend then.”

Jaime climbed the steps to the manager’s office feeling off balance at Claire’s stiff goodbye. His mind was in constant flux between two women since he left. The dancer reigned supreme in his thoughts and dreams, but he missed Claire in his life. 

He felt his body calling to her, the dancer, and he knew it would take wild horses to keep him away from her tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

Claire leaned into the mirror, well her small part of the mirror and applied her signature red lipstick hearing Geillis complaining behind her.

“Christ almighty I feel claustrophobic in here, what is going on tonight?”

“Omar is trying something new to increase business. He’s advertised this for two weeks, it’s a group dance that Madu choreographed. Isn’t that cool?”

That’s when Geillis realized they were all wearing the same costume in different colors. They all looked great and she could feel their excitement.

“Madu has a table tonight. If you want to watch, you can sit with him.” 

Claire knew Geillis had the hots for her teacher and hoped Madu wouldn’t mind. She could barely keep her mind on the dance knowing Jamie Fraser was in town, wondering if he would come tonight.

The girls ran into the fog on the dance floor and circled into their routine as Claire smiled at the stuffed restaurant. All around the tables, she saw people standing, with a drink from the bar of course and she did her best to make them want to come back. 

On one of her turns, she caught sight of copper-colored curls and blue sparkling eyes. Like she was moving in slow motion she looked again on her next turn. There he was, with a dinner plate? It took several turns for Claire to see that John and Jamie were having dinner. Talking business most likely and they decided to come here for the first show? 

Claire had prepared all afternoon for Jamie, just in case. She felt crushing disappointment while she smiled at the overcrowded room. She wanted to fall on the floor and stomp her feet like a four-year-old but that wouldn’t do. Maybe Jamie met someone he is falling in love with, she wondered. That would explain the three months with no word from him. By the end of the dance, Jamie and John were already gone and Claire felt a tremendous loss in her happy existence.

Omar pulled Claire outside before she could follow the others back into the dressing room. His face was red and his smile huge. He kept lapsing into his native tongue, quickly shaking his head and starting over. Claire was starting to get it. His idea worked, people were staying for any table that opened, his reservation list for the week was filling up. He grabbed his chest and took a deep breath making Claire laugh. 

“You are the magic here and the restaurant is full. They will come back to see you. Be my best invitation, Claire.”

“I love you Omar and I will have them eating out of my hands tonight.” She smiled triumphantly and made for the dressing room door. 

Geillis was pushing armbands up Claire’s arms and fixing her blonde wig with extra pins and the built-in combs. She pulled the veil across the top of her head and looked at the finished product.

“Can ye even see with those heavy lashes on Claire? Maybe I can borrow them for the weekend. They are sexy and gorgeous.”

“He isn’t here Geillis. I saw him earlier and he left already.”

Geillis knew she was so excited to be with Jamie again and felt her heart break for her friend.

“Is Madu still hear?” Claire shook her head. “Well then I’m stayin, maybe Omar will give me a free one.”  
Claire grabbed her arm before Geillis could put her stuff down. Pointing to the door she smiled at her friend and promised she was fine. Geillis was reluctant but she left wishing Claire luck with the packed house. 

Claire heard Omar’s special knock and looked up at twenty-four long stem roses coming toward her in a beautiful crystal vase. Omar was huffing when he set them down and told her two minutes as he turned toward the door. 

Claire jumped to the flowers and admired how perfect and pink they were. The card was in Jamie’s hand.

May I see you after?

Claire squealed her delight as she spun around smiling. She heard the knock and she ran into the darkened room to pose.

When the music started Jamie looked for her in the dark room, he couldn’t wait to see her. When the light came up, she was there with a dance he had not seen before. He watched closely, appreciating each difficult move, loving the moves that made him weak with desire. The tempo of the music was increasing as was the complexity of her dance as she moved around the room. 

Jamie could hardly wait to touch her and kept telling himself to calm down as he watched her dance. Her spinning stopped right in front of him along with his heart. Her arms were out at her sides and she looked directly at him and smiled then she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. Jamie was stunned and motionless, but Claire apparently made a face that the crowd loved. She let her face tell a story of love and desire as she came back to Jamie again and again, kissing him, making him smile. There were smiles on the diners who were watching, and Claire continued to dance her story of pursuing this young man. 

For Claire, she danced her truth ending with a pose just for Jamie and a finger pointing at him, for anyone who didn't understand the flirty dance. She broke the pose and took a bow running to the off-stage door with swelling applause. Omar smiled and shook his head, she had done it again, broken ground that had been taboo, interacting with the crowd. He watched the crowd’s reaction and knew the folly of his ways. Greek food was great, but it had to compete with other favorites from the Orient, Italy, the Middle East, and so many others. But Claire was only here in this establishment, and she would be promoted in the future. Let them come for Claire, he thought, and imagined his business packed like this every night.

Claire ran through the dressing room lighting candles and rubbing oil into her skin. She looked at a drop of oil on her index finger and laid on the couch to press it into her bud. The intensity gripped her. Unexpectedly she felt her hips rise from the stimulation of the oil. She opened her mouth to breath, standing up to comb her blonde hair. Her fingers pressed into the counter and she closed her eyes, breathing deeply, quite sidetracked by the sudden heat between her legs. 

She heard light knocking on the dressing room door, opened it, saw Jamie, and pulled him in with a quivering need. When he bent to kiss her, she spun her back into his chest and grabbed each of his hands, slowly pulling them up her legs and to her core, pushing his fingers into her throbbing.

“Jesus lass, he panted, get them off, how do I get them off.”

Jamie felt her shudder against his chest and knew she was coming. When she pushed his hand away, he just held her against him, hearing her pant, and waited. When he felt her hands move up his thigh, he knew she was back on earth. He held her away from him and looked at the costume so he could help her out of it.

Claire pulled Jamie’s hand to each clasp, zipper, and quick release on her outfit while she unbuttoned his shirt and pulled his belt off. Pushing him onto the couch she pulled his boots off while he watched her intently. Her blonde hair poured into his lap when she bent toward him to pull his zipper down. He pushed them off and looked up at her smoldering eyes as she stared at his erection. He watched her focus on his cock and lick her lips, inching closer to him. 

Jamie’s heart was banging against his chest when she knelt between his legs and softly took control of him, reverently touching him. Rubbing the hot length of him against her cheek she turned her head, open-mouthed and closed her wet mouth on him, slowly pushing down on him as her tongue played with his tip, threatening his very sanity. Jamie’s chest was heaving as she ran her tongue up the length of him and pushing him into her warm mouth again. 

Jamie knew he was seconds from coming down her throat and he forced her up, lifting her legs onto the couch. She laid in his arms, across his hips and tried to kiss him. Jamie held her still, feeling out of control, he made her stop moving as his hand ran down her leg and back. They were both naked and he pressed his fingers into her knowing she was ready to come again. He pulled her up and turned her away from him guiding her body and pushing into her. 

It was exquisite to invade her wet body and Jamie pulled her back against his chest as she rode him. He was trying to gain control of his body and finally pulled her body up so they could separate. He wanted to wait a bit and let his passion cool but the look in her eyes and her heaving chest was his undoing. He pulled her to the floor and pushed her legs into the air as he jammed himself deep into her. 

“I’m sorry lass, I canna be gentle wi ye.” 

He held her pelvis up and let himself go, hoping she would forgive him. He pounded her without mercy, unaware of her second orgasm, space and time, or even his own name. He possessed her with the need of one hundred dreams and a thousand fantasies that rolled through his mind over the past three months. He growled into an orgasm that shattered him and he pumped himself into her and held her fiercely. 

Jamie panted for breath, feeling horrified at what he had done. He wanted more than anything to hold her close and kiss her, but he couldn’t bear her turning away from him, for being a brute, for manhandling her.

Claire watched Jamie struggle and rake a hand through his hair. His face looked so disgusted, then mad, and finally supremely sad. She got to her knees and held his cheeks softly before kissing his face all over. Light kisses that said he was the king of men, she would always belong to him, she was a slave to his pleasure. After a while, she felt his warm arm come around her and pull her close. She curled into him as he picked her up and cuddled her on the couch.

His mute beauty was in love with him, lost her heart to him, and lived each day waiting for him to touch her again. If she could talk, she would tell him she loved every minute of their lovemaking, she would tell him his touch sent her into the sun to burn with her release.

Claire felt his warm arms wrap around her and she yawned into his chest. Sleep pulled her but she didn’t want him to leave. Please don’t leave Jamie, stay with me she thought.

He hugged her to him and kissed her forehead, “sleep love, I’ll no leave until the sun chases me away.”

Claire slept on Jamie’s chest so when he started talking, even softly, she felt the vibration and heard the deep tone. She laid quietly in his arms and listened to him pour his heart out, even if he knew she was awake he believed she didn’t speak English. It was a rare opportunity to hear God’s truth from him and she felt guilty about tricking him.

He told her how often she was in his mind, from the first night he watched her dance and how he fought her presence there and cursed her until the night they made love. After that, it was easier when she invaded his mind. She was a part of him now. Claire felt her heart pound in happiness that she was his only interest.

“And then there’s Claire. She reminds me of you…somehow. I think of her too, and I miss her…that was unexpected. She’s a smart lass, and helps me at the store, even though I hurt her once. You both live in my mind but I love ye most. My sweet dancer. It was strange, unsettling I guess when I saw Claire today. I was excited to see her, and she smiled at me makin my stomach feel weird. She came into my arms and I wanted to keep her there. She looked up at me and I wanted to kiss her, feelin her pull me to her.”

Claire knew Jamie was falling asleep because his words came slower and his voice was almost a whisper.

“It’s you I want; can I kiss the Sassenach? She makes me feel calm. You are the one I want, I love you…somehow. I left for Glasgow thinking of you and drove back…thinking of Claire. I wish I could hold you forever…I wish.

Jamie’s deep, even breathing and warm arms pulled Claire into a deep sleep until the dawn. When she woke up, she looked into the most beautiful blue eyes. She wanted to lose herself in them, cling to him, say her truth and apologize for deceiving him. 

Jamie kissed her and rose to dress. She covered herself in veils and watched him. Why do I feel you are saying goodbye, she thought? Something is different in you today, what is it? He reached down and touched her cheek.

“Goodbye my little dancer, my sweetheart.”

Claire watched the door close behind him and suddenly felt adrift in the world, without a paddle, at the mercy of the currents to move her along. She gathered her belongings and slipped out to find her car that was always covered, protecting her identity.

The following weekend Claire picked up John and they followed a hand-drawn map to Lallybroch. Claire’s eyes were as big as saucers as she counted the chimneys sticking out of the roof of this magnificent home. Jamie came out as she parked in the driveway and he welcomed them both with a handshake and hug that left an arm around Claire’s back. It was chilly but the sun was bright, the food smelled amazing, and an Easter celebration would be had by all. 

When Claire was introduced to Jenny, she felt an instant affection for her and offered to help prepare the meal which Jenny seemed grateful for. The men drank whisky and told stories, watched sports and relaxed with grumbling stomachs. 

Claire moved through the various tasks Jenny gave her while they talked nonstop getting to know each other. Claire noticed the way Jenny would look at Ian whenever he came into the kitchen, just like Jenny noticed the warm blush on Claire’s cheeks when Jamie was next to her. 

With the side dishes made and cooking in the oven, Jamie took Claire’s hand and led her outside, wrapping a scarf around her neck against the cold. 

“Do ye feel like walkin Sassenach?”

“Yes, I would love to walk and see more of this enchanting estate. It feels like I’ve gone back in time.”

Jamie looked at Claire’s smile and wide eyes. She had the kind of face that told the world what she was thinking, and he wondered if she was even aware of it. No wonder you relax me, he thought. Jamie walked her to all the outbuildings that were still standing explaining their use and who built them. Claire was really loving the inside story from two centuries ago. She was lost in her mind, following Jamie by his voice mostly until she walked right into him and nearly tumbled over.

“If I wasn’t clumsy I’d be nothing, I swear.”

Jamie set her on her feet, at one point coming within a few inches of her lips and thought how easy it would be to just turn his head and kiss her. Something inside told him not to rush her, let her come to him. In the meantime, he would learn her every shrug and sigh.

Jamie was in his head, yer a kind lass, are ye nae, Sassenach. The words ye use are kind, spoken to others to encourage them to talk and open up ye. Ye make them want to talk to ye. They continued walking and Jamie mostly stared at her from behind. From the ground up she wore leather boots even he knew were designer. The collar of her dress was some kind of fur that looked exotic, expensive. What the devil do ye do for a livin Sassenach. Just as he was going to ask, she turned around abruptly and asked about a building close to the house, the other side from where they started.

“What’s that for?”

“Ah, that’s the barn, soon to be torn down and built new, for Jenny.”

“What’s it used for?”

“Animals mostly and their feed, some hay, and other very dangerous things. It is not for the faint of heart Sassenach. Once ye go inside ye can never unsee what’s in there.”

She was ten paces ahead already, laughing and making a beeline for the barn. Jamie caught up and held her back, bringing his mouth to her ear to make it spooky. 

“Take another step and there be no turnin back lass. Are ye quite sure you want to take that chance.?”

“What is in there Jamie?”

“I canna say, lass.”

“Dead animals?”

“No.”

“Mounted heads of cute little deer?”

“No”

“Tigers and such that eat humans then.”

“No, not even warm, yer mind is too pure to guess the evils in that barn. They know yer here, it’s too late to run. They’re comin for ye lass.”

Claire was giggling at Jamie whispering his warning in her ear, his hands were on her shoulders and her heart was melting in her chest. This intimate moment made her blush deeply and catch her breath. She felt Jamie stand up straight.

“Too late. I tried to warn ye lass.”

Claire spun around and giggled with pure delight as eight baby goats came running full tilt toward her. They were so tiny and fun, kicking their back legs and leaping into the air. They gathered around Claire jumping up on obstacles like playing king of the mountain.

“Oh my God, Sassenach. Hold onto somethin strong.”

She turned her head in time to see a huge litter of Australian Shepherd puppies trying to run toward the commotion. Claire was on cute overload and sat down on the cold grass and let them tackle her, and they did. Fortunately, they were romping three-week olds without enough power to do any serious damage. Claire laughed so hard there were tears streaming down her face as they practiced their stealth and growl. 

Jamie struggled to get his phone out and took a dozen pictures of her laughing face with sunshine bouncing off her happiness.

“Get down here this instant!” She giggled and it sounded like music to Jamie.

“Ah, no, I, I canna get down there, I’m too big.”

She reached for his hand and pulled with all her might. Jamie tumbled into the puppies with precise accuracy, so no one got smashed. His sister would kill him, revive him, and kill him again. They sat close to each other and giggled at the antics of all Jenny’s babies. Jamie put his hand on Claire’s hand and remembered his resolve to let her come to him. He folded his hands in his lap and smiled at her.

A bell was ringing somewhere close and Jamie stood and offered a hand to Claire. “It’s time to eat Sassenach.”

“How do we put them all back?” She was turning in a circle looking at them all nervously.

“It’s easy, watch.” He sprinted toward the barn and she heard some bumping sounds followed by the sound of cereal pouring into a bowl, but bigger. The puppies stopped in mid-romp, dropped the sister they were chewing on and ran for the barn. More noises inside the barn and the baby goats took off as fast as they could run. Jamie emerged, closed the barn, and smiled at her.

“Ready Sassenach?”

When she looked at him, his blue eyes sparkled like the sunlight bouncing off the blue sea and before she could stop herself “Wow” came out. Jamie reached for her hand and walked her to the feast.

It was the happiest meal Claire could ever remember attending. The food was delicious and she raved over the Highland recipes that felt like pure joy when she swallowed. Ian told stories about him and Jamie growing up on the estate and surrounding woods and Claire was thrilled to hear all about it. 

Ian looked at John with a gleam in his eye, “so, John, yer childhood was the same, aye?”

“John’s looked sheepish at Ian, “No I cannot say I had any such experience in my youth, my governess was a formidable woman who hated grass because it stained the clothes.”

Everyone got suddenly quiet, not knowing how to react to John’s statement and desperately wanting him to feel a part of their group.

“She is dead now. I would very much like to go find that rope you swing on and drop into the water.”

The air was silent and tense for about four seconds before the whole group laughed at John’s obvious desire to play. Ian slapped him on the back. John looked at each person and realized they were laughing with him, at the funny thing he said. He smiled for the first time that day and enjoyed being the center of attention. 

Claire held tears back as she watched John open like a flower, blushing hard but smiling. That one comment from Ian was like a pickax to a block of ice allowing John to fall in, a member of this group. 

Claire looked around at the ancient home and tried to imagine how many generations were raised here, what it must have looked like before plumbing, how much love was lived or lost here.   
Jenny’s soft eyes watched Claire and knew where she was in her head. 

“Jamie, Claire is seein ghosts why not take her to the attic to meet the ancestors. It’s a treat lass, especially when Jamie reads. Go on, I have these two strappin boys to help clean up the kitchen.”

Jamie took her hand and led her out of the kitchen and up the stairs, around the corner and up another set of narrow stairs. The door to the attic library creaked on its hinges and Jamie pulled her into a fairly large room with a desk, an antique chaise, and a wall of ancient books.

Claire almost fainted seeing rows of authentic first-person accounts of every year and decade since the early seventeen hundreds. She was mute as she ran her fingers down the wall of bindings hoping she would not wake up from a dream but rather touched the words of the ancients. 

Jamie watched her with interest. The look on her face was just like a painting he once saw. The title was rapture. He needed to know what she felt, this minute because her expression was taking him somewhere strange.

“What is it Claire, what is wrong with ye?”

She put her hand on a large book and held it. “If I open to a random page, will I touch the hand of the author? How many people have touched every page of these books?

Jamie blushed and scoffed, “we Scots arna much for readin, specially if we dinna have to.”

Claire was looking at the binding for dates completely overwhelmed. 

“This is my favorite. It’s the journal of the family that lived here during the time of the uprising, in 1745.”

“Will you read it to me?”

The way she looked at him he would have lopped his own head off if she asked. “Of course Sassenach.”

He led her to the chaise and gently pushed her back to recline because she looked like she would fly out the window at any moment from excitement. He lifted her feet to the chaise and carried the big book to the desk, sinking into the squeaky chair. He began to read.

May 1,1738  
Twas a beautiful sight I beheld comin over the hill. My horse, half-dead from hunger and work, myself, nearly starved from days of ridin and livin rough. When Lollybroch came into view I had the strength of ten men and felt my cheeks wet with tears. I was home, a wanted man for a crime I had no hand in, returning to the bosom of my family, to heal and protect me. I can see my sister hanging wash and my heart is nearly bursting with joy. My horse feels no such joy so I jump off and run, fast as I can. She is yelling my name now, runnin to me, cryin her eyes out, and I keep runnin, until her arms stop me. 

“Jamie!” He calls to me, runnin out of the kitchen, lookin up at the hill. He says it again and again, “Jamie!, my boy!” I embrace Da and the fears I have lived with for the past years are vanquished. I am home, Lallybroch.”

June 13, 1738  
I prepare to leave my family once again and my heart is heavy. Red coats have tripled their patrol here causin great hardship to the tenants. They want me, with a rope around my neck and almost succeeded on two occasions in a month. I will ride in the darkness of night to Castle Leoch for sanctuary with my uncles. Murta goes with me and will stem my loneliness and fear. When I can prove my innocence, I will come back and one day take my rightful place as Laird of this estate.

May 15, 1742  
A trunk of personal goods was received today from a Misses Fitzgibbons, at Leoch. Entrusted to us until the arrival of James Fraser! Brother Jamie is on his way home! I canna believe it, no word in four years, I thought him dead!

Jamie looked up at the chaise lounge feeling concern for Claire who was wiping at her eyes and sniffling. 

“Claire, sweetheart, I have made ye cry, I’m sorry. He sat on the edge of the couch and looked down at her beautiful, now sad eyes.”

"That is a first-hand accounting of a young man coming home after war? It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. Being here, hearing that, it’s completely transforming. I loved it.”

Claire was in a haze of wonder, eyes wide, mouth open, and seeing this man in Jamie. His great, great, great, great, uncle, raised here. “That was a fabulous glimpse into the heroes of the past Jamie, thank you. I want to lose myself in these books and accounts, but it is getting late. We have to be on our way.” The look in her eyes made Jamie feel like the strongest man in the world and the weakest all at the same time. 

Jamie was watching her chest rise and fall from her excitement and barely noticed she had stopped talking. His hand reached for her cheek, his eyes were unfocused. In Jamie’s mind, he was already kissing her when Claire stood up and smoothed her dress, bringing him back to reality. 

Joining the others, Claire raved about the treasure up in the attic and received an open invitation from Jenny to visit anytime, with or without her brother. The two women made take-home plates for everyone, giggling at John’s obvious happiness at eating this Scottish food again. 

She felt Jamie’s warm cheek on hers with a chaste kiss goodnight. The ride back to the city was quiet and relaxed but deep inside, Claire was shouting with joy. Jamie flirted with her all day and she thought he might try to kiss her at one point. She did not see this coming! It was exciting and new and she was too busy celebrating to see the rocks ahead. Images of she and Jamie ran through her mind like a slide show and every picture was full of love. Then the voice of reason derailed her vision and everything else she held dear.

“He doesn’t know, does he?”

“What?”

John turned his upper body toward her and had compassion in his eyes. 

“He doesn’t know you’re the dancer.”


	6. Chapter 6

Claire stared out the windshield, straight ahead, and felt a bomb go off in her stomach. Maybe she heard John’s question wrong. Yes, that is what happened. She is so filled with guilt about all this, she is hearing it from others. Take a deep breath, she told herself, and ask the man what he said.

“What? Sorry, I didn’t hear your question, John.”

“For some reason, he doesn’t see it and I wonder why wouldn’t he? Especially when he obviously likes you both.”

“Did he say that? I mean, does he like someone else. Who are you talking about?” 

John watched the normally calm, centered Claire almost meltdown right next to him. She could hardly drive at the moment and he obviously chose the most dangerous time to ask her about this. He had not thought this through, especially Claire’s feelings and fears apparently.

“Oh look, my favorite bar. Pull in and let me buy you a nightcap for all the trouble I’ve been lately.”

He did not have to ask twice. Claire turned into the bar like a practiced Nascar driver, jumping out with the motor still running. John reached over and twisted the key feeling worse about how shaken she was.

Claire reached for the shot glass full of whisky before the bartender could set it down in front of her. Her coughing and sputtering did not stop the man from hearing “another” and he promptly added another shot.

John cleared his throat seeing a side of Claire he would never expect. The girl was positively scared shitless and seemed so vulnerable. He signaled to the bartender to stop bringing shots and tried to calm his friend down. He took her hand.

“Jesus Claire! I am holding an ice hand…that vibrates! Please dear, you know I love you and would never hurt you. Not ever. Your life is your business and I’m sure you have the situation well in hand.”

Claire lifted her miserable face to John like he was a babbling idiot. She looked for the bartender who was suddenly speaking with other patrons. She exhaled like the condemned and stared at the floor. 

“I wish I could hate him again. What he did to me was just a speed bump in life and I turned into something personal and wanted to hurt him back. As viciously as possible.”

“So you danced for him and saw that he liked it, then you continued dancing for him, do I have that right, Claire?”

“I was so mean to him for months, I’m so ashamed about that.”

John was struggling to understand what she did that she felt shame for.

“What on earth did you do to him?”

Claire looked at John like she would give anything not to tell him because she couldn’t believe it herself. She had put the situation out of her mind when she couldn’t deal with it anymore. 

“We are all capable of unspeakable actions against a person or, or a thing that hurts us. But then he tricked me with a fake book club and his sister Jenny helped him. We had a coffee and I didn’t hate him anymore. He explained why he built a huge bookstore on my street and shut my business down. It was too late to tell him because he would hate me then.”

John shook his head like a bug had flown into his ear and raised his hand for the bartender. He rubbed Claire’s hand to warm it up and waited the three seconds for her to enjoy her drink. He tried to think of terrible things this spit of a girl could do to Jamie. Have him beaten up in the parking lot, that would require too many people. Key his truck or spray paint profanity on it, the image of hot pink lettering “you are a bad man!” came to mind and he almost spit his whisky on the bar holding back laughter. He finally looked at her and asked the simple question.

“What pray tell did you do to him?”

“I danced for him, to him, seduced him and then shunned him. Pulled him in with my hips and arms and then turned my back on him and bowed to everyone else in the audience, like he wasn’t there. I never spoke to him or acknowledged him even though he sent tips, large tips, every night he was there.”

She looked at John and straightened her back, holding her head up in defiance to his judgment.

John giggled at her posture, so cute with her nose in the air and all…wait a tick, he thought.

“I dare say I have seen your bow and figured Omar must charge extra for the privilege of seeing it from behind. If I am to undo this evil you have perpetrated on dear Jamie, you must get to the good part so I can assess the damage you have done.”

John gave her an encouraging look to push her along and she stared at him wide-eyed and confused.

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking.”

“Ah…” John stared at her, mouth open to finish his sentence but his brain finally locked onto the horrific truth of what Claire had done to Jamie. She made herself beautiful, seduced him with her amazing body and dance and then shunned him by bowing to everyone in the crowd except him. 

“Oh…sweet girl, for what it will cost you, in the end, I sure hope he even noticed. I rather doubt it.”

John prided himself on helping people with their insurmountable problems, he was very good at that, but Claire’s problem would require some dedicated thought. He suggested he drive her home, or they could sleep off the alcohol in her cold vehicle. 

Claire promised she was fine to drive when she pulled up at his apartment complex.

“Well, you are certainly too drunk to know you’re too drunk to drive so please go straight home because I do love you dear one.”

Claire was tired of listening, so she pulled away with John jumping from the car and crossing himself. She didn’t remember doing this the next day, but she did remember that John knows about her double life and that was enough to push her back to the blackness for another couple hours.

Pounding on the door brought Claire up to consciousness and she jumped out of bed grabbing her robe. The pounding was ferociously loud making her heart pound. She unlocked the door and Madu pushed it open in a fit of rage. He stopped and looked at the floor taking deep breaths, when he turned around, he handed her his phone. There was a video cued and she could see it was her.

“Play it, Claire.”

She touched the screen to start the video and recognized it was her last dance for Jamie, the night of Omar’s promotion. The video had gone viral and there were already over a million hits. It was a very good quality video and Jamie’s face was clear, as was hers. Jamie blushed when she kissed him, every time, at one point she did rapid hip lifts bending backward and then kissed his cheek, skipping quickly to another section smiling like an angel and batting her eyes. His blush and surprised face along with her angelic facial expressions made everyone laugh. What was so terrible about that?

Madu looked like a snorting bull standing still. He glared at her and asked for an explanation. Claire barely had the energy to keep her eyes open let alone argue with him. 

“My second dance on promotion night. That man is a friend, so it was safe to tease him and looks like the crowd loved it. Oh, look at that, it’s gone viral so now gobs of people will feel good watching it.”

Claire was getting crankier by the minute. Her life was in the shitter and an egotistical Egyptian wanted her to kiss his ass and placate him. She wanted to stay in bed and mourn the loss of her secret life. She handed his phone back and pulled her own out of her purse. She snapped a picture of Madu and sent it to Geillis asking for assistance. It was Sunday so she was home, or in a shop, or having coffee with someone, enjoying her uncomplicated life. Claire walked back to her bedroom hearing Madu complain some more.

“I’ve called for a referee Madu. We can fight when she gets here.” Her slamming door gave a more accurate gauge of her anger and it made her jump. She pulled the covers over her head, and closed her eyes, remembering every second of her time with Jamie. She made a mess of things and now she couldn’t see a way out. 

She thought about the last time she was with him, how he lost his control with sexual energy and sent her into orbit, nearly cried afterward from his fervor. How long could she keep up this pretense of not speaking English? He is so free, so sexual with the dancer and just the opposite with her.

Claire remembered Jamie reading to her. His amazing voice and authentic burr transported her to the hill outside Lallybroch almost three hundred years ago. The young soldier’s depiction of returning to his loving family had crushed her heart creating a fountain of emotion she hadn’t planned on showing. She saw the change in Jamie’s face when he sat next to her and felt the electric jolt of knowing he intended to kiss her.

That could not happen. Not now, not ever. He would know straight away who she was if he ever got her naked. Her false eyelashes and wigs could not camouflage her hairless body or the moles on her back. She sank into her lavish bedding wanting to run away.

“Claire, wake up lass. It’s time to go to work. I calmed the savage beast in Madu to the point he apologized to ye. The man felt left out of your success is all. He thinks ye don’t appreciate what he’s done for ye and I set him straight on that. What happened to make ye stay in bed all day lass?”

“I’ve made a mess of everything Geillis, and see no way out. Jamie has feelings for me and the dancer. He thinks the dancer can’t speak English and if I let him get close to the real me, he will want to know where I live and what I do for a living.” 

Claire exhaled a long sad breath, “I wish we had time for him to choose.”

“Why is that so important to ye. Sounds like he wants ye both and I canna see a flaw in that.”

“I’m not her Geillis. Being loved by a man means he chooses you over all the others, right?”

“That’s one way to see it I suppose, as long as I dinna have to do it. That was a joke, Claire, tryin to cheer ye up is all. Ye look as sad I’ve ever seen ye, even though yer the talk of the internet, and ye just made Omar a rich and happy man.”

Geillis was quiet while Claire showered. She thought about each of her worries and suddenly the answers materialized in her mind while her smile grew. When Claire shivered into her fluffy robe, the look on Geillis’s face had changed dramatically. Claire took a double take and sat down to pull a comb through her hair. 

“Out with it Geillis, what are you thinking about?”

“I have a plan to buy ye some time so the handsome Jamie can court ye, fall in love, and choose the fair Claire over all the others, including the dancer. First, where ye live. Ye bring him here because you house sit for people that are away on long trips…and work for a service that places ye with people.” Geillis snapped her fingers in the air as she thought about each new layer, building a fake life for her friend. I dinna know how to explain the mirrors but we’ll think of something.”

Claire was looking bored, but Geillis noticed she was leaning forward. A true sign of interest.

“This next part will take some bravery and yer shirt must stay on for at least a week. Ye need those moles removed anyway, so do it now. And get a tattoo that looks like a birthmark. Somethin to distinguish ye from the dancer Claire.”

“When I change one, I change the other Geillis. Why can’t the dancer leave town on a family emergency? I can just take her out of the equation.”

“Yer star is risin Claire, this isna the time to disappear.”

“Fortunately, I have never aspired to a career in belly dancing. But I have dreamed of a fine man falling in love with me and giving me a family. I do not see a good fit for belly dancing anywhere in that fantasy.”

“Ye know ye’re breakin my heart here Claire. Ye think that button ratio, whatever you call it, is given to just anybody?” 

“Button to hip ratio also called an hourglass figure. Mine is really good for belly dancing and it might make other people happy, but not me.”

Claire’s mind was starting to speed up as each of her fears was set aside with their planning. She started thinking she could really pull this off and have a blissful month to herself, to be completely selfish to spend time with Jamie. She knew at the end of this time she would tell him the truth about everything, but for now, she could live her dream if he really wanted her. 

The thunder cracked and lightning flashed above the streets of Edinburgh as Claire drove home. The rain was falling in sheets as she ran to her door and tumbled inside shaking the water off her hair and hands. Coming out of the bathroom she pulled a towel on her head and when someone pulled it off, she almost fainted with fear.

“Jesus H. Christ, Madu! Are you trying to kill me with a heart attack? What the hell are you doing here anyway?”

“I would rather be warm in my bed, with my neighbor, but Omar sent me to speak with you about wanting to take a month off. He is very upset Claire.”

Madu was popping grapes in his mouth while he talked and took a bite of a large cheese wedge, looking at Claire for an explanation. 

“Are those my grapes Madu?”

“I don’t know I found them in the frig.”

“That means they are mine, just like the key that I accidentally gave you and I want it back please.”

“Omar is afraid he has done something, and you are not coming back.”

Claire looked up at her best friend and mentor and exhaled her frustration. 

“Please sit with me a minute Madu. I want to tell you what I’m doing. You deserve to know now that you’ve invested so much time in me.”

Claire dropped into a chair opposite Madu and started talking, starting with her life as an orphan at five years old, living in the jungle for the next eleven years with her uncle Lamb, and stumbling into his cousin's dance studio at sixteen years old. She described being shunned by the girls at school and feeling accepted and gifted by his cousin.

Madu walked into the kitchen to get more grapes and told her to continue while she rolled her eyes.

She told him about Jamie, the bookstore, her crippling anxiety, meeting Geillis, and dancing as if her life depended on it because it did. Her revenge against Jamie, his obsession with her, and how they became friends, and for the dancer, lovers. She had fallen in love with him and wanted this one chance to let someone love her back, as herself. 

Madu was shaking his head side to side, looking at her with tears welling up.

“You have mortally wounded him already Claire, he just does not know it yet. He will not be able to forgive your deceit. You know this, right?”

“It’s a possible outcome I suppose.”

“Thank you, Claire, for making me understand. I will help however I can and help Omar relax. If I cannot talk you out of this plan.”

“You can’t and thank you. Come with me, can you help me with this?”

Claire opened the door to the second bedroom and Madu started backing up. There were racks of costumes from one side to the other along with boxes and bags full of wigs, headpieces, hip scarves, armbands, and jewelry.

“If I rent a storage unit tomorrow can you help me move all this?”

Madu shook his head yes and walked to the door. He kissed her cheek and closed the door behind him. Claire smiled with relief that Madu accepted her explanation and would help her get ready.

It was three o’clock in the morning when Claire fell into bed. She would wake up a free woman, to do what she wanted for the next thirty days. She shivered with excitement as the thunder rolled and rain slashed her windows.

Jamie rolled out of Lallybroch the day after Easter and headed back to his project in Glasgow. For this trip, it was mostly Claire who stayed in his mind as he replayed his day with her, all her expressions, and reactions to everything Lallybroch. He had not been to the restaurant over the weekend, nor had it been hard to stay away. He knew the little dancer would be there and he could touch her again once he figured out his current fixation with another woman, her polar opposite. 

Monday morning was the start of another brutal week for Jamie and he felt an uncharacteristic reluctance to get out of bed. The project had been problematic from the start and he had grown weary of the constant struggle. On his way to the shower, he glanced at his phone and stopped in his tracks to read a text message from Claire. She was coming to Glasgow for work tomorrow and wondered if she could stop by the job site and see him. He quickly told her to come anytime and stay as long as possible, he would show her around. Getting the rest of the way to the shower was a piece of cake.

Claire spent Monday getting her hair straightened and cut by Joseph who kindly made room in his schedule so he could complain about Geillis, or the lack of Geillis. The poor man had fallen in love with the emerald green eyes and fiery soul of her friend.

When Claire could get away, she ran through a few of her favorite dress shops to add to her woefully sparse warm-weather wardrobe. There were so many pretty colors and gorgeous fabrics for spring and she dropped the bags on her studio floor and started to strip off her clothes just as Madu came out of the kitchen. 

“God Damit Madu, you almost saw me naked, and what are you doing here this time?”

Madu was bent at the waist, trying to cough up a piece of chicken he inhaled when she surprised him. Claire beat on his back until he could breathe again and turned angry eyes on him. 

“You said take your clothes away today and that is why I am here but where do I take them, Claire?”

She showed him her sorry face and patted his cheek before marching him into the spare room. Thirty minutes later Madu pulled out of her parking lot, buried in veils that caught the wind from his open window and flew in front of his face. Claire exhaled and hoped he could drive blind, then dashed inside to try her clothes on while she had the time. 

Claire’s heart was racing as she parked close to the partially erected building with men running around like ants. When she walked to the construction zone she was stopped while someone called Jamie. He walked up behind her and when she saw his face the bottom of her stomach fell out making her feel fabulously queasy and hopelessly in love.

“Everyone is so busy here I feel bad for intruding.”

Jamie gave her a warm hug that lasted a deliciously long time and then looked at her with excited eyes. 

“Come Sassenach, let me show ye this cursed project.”

Claire enjoyed the grand tour hearing the daily issues that had plagued Jamie since the beginning. When she would turn her head in the direction he pointed, he feasted on her curves and long legs from behind. Her hair was a bouncy bob that he wanted to lose his fingers in. They climbed into his truck and headed for Cafe Nero for Italian coffee and lunch, outside on the patio. 

Jamie stared a lot and Claire blushed a lot, both enjoying their time thoroughly. On the way back Jamie swung onto a side street and parked along the curb, then held his hand out for Claire.

“I’m countin on this to bring me buckets of sympathy for the next several months.”

They walked along an uneven stone path behind a large home that led to the backyard and a small stand-alone house, where Jamie lived. He gave her the tour of his rented home while standing still, Claire laughed at his pitiful face and stuck out lower lip. 

“When I was sad as a wee lad my mam would give me a kiss, but she isna here.” He moved next to Claire. “Ye are here Claire,” he whispered.

When she looked up at him, she was hyper-aware of every second it took him to make contact with her lips and felt an explosion of happiness, excitement, and arousal as the kiss deepened. Her arms went around his neck and she leaned into him as he walked her backward to his sofa. She couldn’t stop kissing him and wrapped her arms around him feeling the body she missed so much.

Jamie could feel her deep breathing, he felt her tongue inside his mouth, and when he kissed her neck, he felt her back arch and heard her moan. That means go, he decided and touched her stomach inching his way to her breast.  
Claire was so lost in the moment she wasn’t thinking about where this would lead until his warm hand covered her breast and he moaned. 

“Oh my God! I am late for an appointment Jamie!” She scrambled out from under him and headed for the door, quite sure he would never invite her again. 

He wrapped his arm around her neck pulling her to him and kissed the top of her head while he laughed and walked her to the truck. Claire was mortified and wanted to disappear. She had come perilously close to ending her magic month on the first day. How could she forget who she was with her clothes off, the dancer, who Jamie knew intimately? She needed to fix this quickly and arrange a do-over if he would even bother with her again.

“Ye look like ye want to murder yerself Sassenach,” said through giggles. “Come over here, just slide across the seat so yer right next to me, that’s a good lass.” At the next traffic stop, he put his mouth to her ear and whispered, “I can wait lass, so ye need to smile for me.”

Claire had not stopped blushing since her physical explosion on the couch, but she smiled and felt much better from what he said. There would be a second day of her magical month and this time she would think every step through.

The men were calling Jamie’s name as soon as they pulled in and Claire bid him goodbye so he could get back to work. Halfway home to Edinburgh she stopped shaking and ten minutes from home Jamie sent a text.

“I love kissin ye lass because yer so pretty and sweet. I promise my best behavior next time. Please make it soon.”

Claire smiled so hard her cheeks hurt. She pulled over and called a dermatologist who got her right in. An hour later she got back in the car and called Geillis.

“The moles are gone.”

“What moles? Oh, yer moles are gone! So, ready for a tattoo birthmark then?”

“Where should I put it?”

“I’ll come over tonight and we can decide.”

“Too late, I’m here at the tattoo place.”

“Jesus Claire, what’s got into ye?”

“I have no time to waste. So where do I put it and what should it look like?”

A very large man came to the front and called Claire’s name. He wore leather everything with a long ponytail and long scruffy beard. Claire looked up hoping he didn’t lure people in to eat them and stood on wobbly legs. 

She explained she needed a birthmark somewhere easily concealed by her work clothes. He pointed to her calf, her stomach, back, and thigh, finally asking her what she wore to work.

“Not much actually. How about near my hairline on the back of my neck? Small, about an inch at the most.”

The big man looked closely at her and busted out laughing. “I never figured ye for a criminal. Okay, I’ll have ye done in ten minutes.”

Claire found the experience intensely uncomfortable and walked to her car with her back burning and her neck throbbing. When she stumbled into the house Madu was asleep on the couch with cartoons on the television. Claire felt her volcanic ire bubbling up and decided, fuck it, and went to bed. 

Geillis told her the skin was healing nicely on her back and neck after inspecting the areas giggling. “A few more days should do it.”

Claire laid in her bed that night, a complete mess after what Jamie started and couldn’t finish. He had sent her one or two text messages each day and invited her to Lallybroch for the weekend to relax and play with puppies. She couldn’t wait.

Claire ran for her phone on Friday afternoon, thrilled to see it was Jamie. 

“I’m about to ride through Edinburgh and want to pick ye up. What’s yer address mo chridhe.”

She looked around at Madu on the couch in his cut off shorts, eating something out of her frig. 

“Ah, that would be lovely, good timing too.” As she hoisted Madu to a standing position and pushed him toward the door. 

When the doorbell rang Claire stood frozen for a moment. Jamie, her love, was on the other side of the door and for once she didn’t have to hesitate or lie, just be Claire. She exhaled and opened the door.

“Wow, I’d say ye landed on yer feet Sassenach, this place is amazing and ye have a room that’s empty?”

“It’s not my empty room, or house actually. I work for a service that places me in homes where the owner will be away and wants someone living there. This place belongs to some guy who travels most of the time.

Jamie stuck his head in the master bedroom. “He has flowers on his bedspread Sassenach.”

“I am so ready, let's go.”

Before they were out the door Jamie stopped her with a serious face. “Sassenach, I have to tell ye that Jenny is away with friends this weekend for a weddin. She willna be there but I promise ye will have a lovely room to sleep in and I will show ye places that will make ye happy. There is so much to see. Please, trust me, I willna make ye uncomfortable, I promise.”

Claire almost cried at the look in his eyes while simultaneously doing summer-salts in her mind. 

“We have the whole place to ourselves! Let’s go!”

When the truck rolled out of town Jamie looked at the seat beside him and then at Claire and then back to the seat beside him. Claire slid over and laughed at his boyish charm. Jamie pointed out places along the way that had significance in his life and Claire felt a thrill when Lallybroch came into view. 

Jamie carried the bags into the living room hearing Claire squeal happily in the kitchen.

“We have to feed the animals is what the note says.” She started jumping up and down with excitement and Jamie smiled at how cute she was. He held his arm toward the door for her to lead the way. As she passed him things changed in his world, never to be the same again.

“I really love baby animals, it’s the only thing in the world that would push my intention to seduce you to a later time.”

Her perfume wafted in her wake and Jamie followed like a possessed man. For the next hour, Claire was in puppy and kid heaven and Jamie quietly watched with a hungry smile on his face. In his mind he practiced telling her kissing was enough. She needn’t force herself to do anything she wasna ready for. He felt like he was ready for a chaste weekend where they would talk and get to know each other better. He took a deep breath. 

“Done!” 

Claire held her arms out and her smile was triumphant. “All babies fed and in their beds.”

Jamie pulled her happiness toward him and suggested finding something interesting to eat for supper. 

“Supper? Well…alright, I guess I can wait another hour.” When she looked up at Jamie her smoldering eyes told him exactly what she was waiting for before she laughed and sprinted to the house.

Jamie stared after her with a blank look on his face. “Ye mean to kill me with those eyes temptress. What’s gotten into ye lass?”

Jamie noticed Claire was out of sight and there was no one else there. He was alone in his stupor and it was getting dark with a questionable night ahead. His feet started moving.


	7. Chapter 7

Jamie walked into the kitchen watching Claire bounce from the frig to the stove happily going on about the ingredients she found to make spaghetti. He smelled the ground beef and onions frying and heard the knife cutting up tomatoes and carrots. Pans were pulled out and Claire pushed all she had chopped into one and turned on the flame.

She was humming and stirring the sauce in her bare feet, as happy here as she had been with the puppies. When the knife was banging on the cutting board again, he smelled fresh garlic and stood behind her. His hand came around hers and stopped the chopping.

On his best behavior, he hadn’t let his eyes look closely at her cut-offs but he looked now at how short they were, and the long sleek legs that were straight and shapely. Her ribbed, sleeveless shirt hugged her curves and exposed her shoulders where her muscles flexed as she moved through her cooking chores. He watched her long slim arms and thought how easily they would be held behind her back, at his mercy, until he wanted to let her go. 

Claire felt Jamie stop her chopping and turned around, shocked to find his body inches from hers. She looked up at him and felt his hands around her waist lifting her up to the counter where she could be eye to eye with him. 

Jamie noticed her eyes remained on his, she didn’t shy away. Right now she was his equal, powerful in her own right like he was in his. It nearly undid him because she wasn’t a meek soul he must protect, but a woman with her own mind, her own desires that she could act on if she found him worthy. 

She locked into his gaze and didn’t waver even when his hands, warm and soft, moved up her thighs. She stirred the sauce while he came to terms with her setting him free. It was a heady moment and he moved slowly, watching her.

She put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him to her until her face was pressed against his. 

Jamie still had not uttered a word since coming into the kitchen. It simply hadn’t been necessary yet, allowing him time to stay in his head. His hand came up and turned the burner off while he stared into Claire’s eyes sending a message of warning. Dinna start something ye canna finish lass. Fortitude is not needed but endurance is appreciated. 

“Turn the burner back on please I want you to eat so hunger doesn’t make its way into the equation tonight. It won’t take long to finish this and maybe bread and noodles to keep you focused on me until morning.”

Jamie took a step back so Claire could jump down. “Where might I find the whisky?”

He watched her pour two glasses of whisky and looked back at her eyes when she was not expecting it. 

“A moment of doubt. It’s normal Sassenach. Those fleeting moments when ye feel vulnerable and afraid of somethin much bigger than ye. Fear has no place between two bodies if the man yer with is trustworthy, and I am that.”

He stood close to her and watched her face give her secrets away. She felt his warm hands slide down her arms.

“Ye want me, I can see that, but yer somewhere new, feelin things that wake ye at night, wantin things that steal yer mind when ye try to work. Images in yer head of surrender and dominance. I know these things because I see them too.”

His blue eyes sparkled as he spoke softly to her and ran his hands up and down her arms. Claire watched his mouth, wanting it on every inch of her body, hoping he was a fast eater.

She had lost her way and struggled to pull her mind back and finish their meal. Jamie pulled her to him and pressed his forehead to hers.

“Somethin bad is happenin to the water Sassenach,” he said quietly with a gleam in his eye. 

“What?”

Jamie inclined his head toward the stove and she became aware of the sizzling, popping water boiling over the pot and nearly jumped out of her skin to pull it off the fire. He could see she was losing her focus on dinner and he smiled inside. He would stop teasing her until they were fed he decided, kissing her shoulder he sat at the table playing with whatever he found. 

Claire turned to the pasta, closing her eyes, she exhaled a ragged breath. How is it possible, she wondered, that he is far sexier now than he ever was at the restaurant? She took a calming breath and forced her heart rate to slow down by thinking of the puppies. That helped enough to serve the meal and sit down next to the object of her absolute desire. 

“What is that?”

“One of my sister's silly magazines. I’m taking a quiz to see how romantic I am, wanna play Sassenach? The first question is what is the most romantic setting? I said outside.” 

“A fireplace with all the lights off, like the one in the living room because it’s so big.”

“What is your sexual whip? A mode of dress or body type that you can’t resist.”

“That’s easy, braless breasts… that are big.”

Claire’s eyes got wide and she sat up and smiled. “Really?” She pulled her bra straps down her arms and contorted her arms behind her back pulling her bra out of one of the armholes. She held it in the air and smiled brightly at Jamie. “Like this?” She looked down and frowned, “not all that big I guess.”

Jamie could see silver dollar sized nipples under her shirt and his crotch was doing the macarena.

“They are big enough,” he choked out.

“I choose bulging muscles. I watched Superman as a kid, my first crush.”

“What heightens sexual arousal the fastest?” “Mouth” “Mouth”

Claire looked quickly at Jamie clearing his throat and squirming in his chair as he inhaled the remaining food on his plate, taking both plates to the sink as he reached for her hand. 

“I am feelin the fatigue of the day lass, suppose we have a nightcap in the living room before we retire to our rooms.” His raging erection was pointing the way and he kept his hips turned slightly away from her as he returned to the kitchen to open the door wide to the evening chill. 

He took a seat on the sofa and they talked about their days since she was in Glasgow. Claire shivered a bit, right on cue, and Jamie jumped up to light a fire against the evening cold. It was an enormous fire, unknown to a city lass, it was built with enough wood to last several hours.

Jamie watched her relax into the couch and smile with her little buzz from the whisky. She still shivered now and then from a push of cold from the open kitchen door. He would suggest a relocation to the floor when the time seemed right.

“You started something in Glasgow that we couldn’t finish because I had to get back. Do you remember? I believe we were kissing, vigorously, and you touched my breast. I love sofa’s, but wouldn’t it be nicer on the floor, closer to the fire? Without any lights, just the fire?”

Jamie almost jumped over her on his way to the kitchen to flip the lights off and close the door. He poured two more whiskys and found Claire had pulled the large couch pillows onto the floor and was reclining on one watching the blaze.

“The fire is beautiful Jamie. Will you kiss me now, please?” 

He slid next to her and on one elbow and bent down to take possession of her mouth. He was so impressed with Claire, more every minute. Not only was she smart and sweet, she had a sexual hunger for him and wasn’t shy about telling him earlier that day. They kissed, letting their hands touch lightly, experimentally. Jamie felt her hands loosen the buttons of his shirt and push it open, gazing wantonly at his muscled chest. She tried to say something, but she was too far gone. Jamie thought she was adorable, momentarily silenced by his bulging chest.

He pulled her under him and kissed her deeply. His tongue swept her mouth until they were both panting.

“Give me yer tongue Sassenach.”

She looked at him like he was crazy, “Do what?”

He pointed to his lower lip and asked her to touch it with her tongue. When she did, he sucked it into his mouth and Claire groaned wrapping her arms around his neck and moving her chest so Jamie’s probing hand would find it. His fingers closed around her nipple and they both moaned with pleasure.

“Take off yer shirt Sassenach, before I lose my mind. I need to touch ye lass and taste ye.”

Claire grabbed the hem of her shirt and almost dislocated her elbow pulling it over her head.

“Take my shorts off, please Jamie.”

Her eyes were closing by the sensation of Jamie’s mouth on her breasts and when he pulled a nipple into his mouth, she sucked air, arching her back and moaning. 

“What is this?” Jamie ran a finger over the tan lines of a bikini top, but when it made her breasts bounce, he was lost to her nipples again. Claire had spent time in a tanning booth to make those lines. Anything to look different from the dancer. It had been a month since Jamie was with the dancer and Claire’s body hair was coming in again so that she could shave it into a racing stripe. That and her new tan lines would hopefully be enough.

Claire was nearly lost in her preclimax throbbing, accelerated by Jamie’s beard scraping the tender skin of her breasts. Going from her nipple to her mouth was spinning her deeper into the erotic fog that was quickly stealing her mind.

She pushed his upper body down on a pillow and looked at him with lusty eyes. “Will I moan that way if I suck on yours? She zoned in on his nipple which he found crippling, especially seeing her round ass in the air as she bent over him.

Jamie pulled her away panting and pushed the volume of hair away that had fallen in her face. She smiled at him, looking almost drunk. He glanced at her full glass of whisky that she hadn’t touched yet. She was drunk on him, on the powerful lust between them. He held her face and kissed her, telling her how sexy she was, how different from the first time they met.

”This energy is from thinking about you, your body, eyes and lips, every night since we met in my shop Jamie.” He was melting. He laid her back on a pillow and looked at her.

“How many days in a year handsome?”

“Three-hundred and sixty- five days” he said into her mouth as he kissed her deeply.

“That’s a powerful need,” she panted. “Don’t you want my shorts off? I want my shorts off.” 

With that she slid out of her shorts and pushed Jamie against the pillow rolling her body on top of him, feeling his warm hands glide down her back and over her butt. He was about to lose it feeling her tongue slide up his neck to his ear and whisper her need to him.

Claire felt the denim slide away under her and smiled at the warm skin to skin connection. He was naked, and pressing against her abdomen, breathing heavy into her ear.

“Can I touch ye Sassenach?”

“Yes!” She panted, “touch me, Jamie, I can’t stand anymore.”

“Tell me what ye need lass.”

Just like a slap in the face her eyes opened looking confused, “What? Sorry, what did you ask me?”

Jamie was horrified at the abrupt change in her.

“I..uh..I asked if you need anything. Water perhaps, or juice maybe?”

He grabbed her nipple and shook it hard hearing her gasp.

Claire’s eyelids closed and dropped her head back, “more,” she purred.

“Yes ma’am,” he whispered, kissing her deeply and pinching her nipple.

“Oh my God Jamie,” she panted.”

“What ye need little lass, is to come.”

Jamie’s head was spinning but he recognized the painful expression one gets when pressure builds up behind the throbbing. She looked like she was in pain and maybe she couldn’t verbalize such a thing or maybe she didn’t know. It mattered not to him as his kisses descended her body, pushing her legs open and holding her open to his greedy mouth and tongue. 

Claire felt him push into her body with his tongue and felt powerless to control her needy body pushing against his mouth. Jamie was the only man who had done this to her, and she was falling suddenly, tumbling into a quaking orgasm while she moaned his name and clutched at his shoulders. 

He pushed up and kissed her deeply, holding her head he pushed into her, feeling resistance. He looked at her startled face, trying to control his heart, having little success. He stopped all movement and looked in her eyes.

“I want ye mo chridhe,” he whispered into her ear making her pant again. “Do ye want me to love ye lass?”

She held him with both arms, “yes, more than anything in the world,” she panted

“Open yer legs lass, and give me yer pussy.”

Claire pressed her legs open and felt this huge man take possession of her body moving in and out of her, pushing into the deepest part of her. 

Claire was feeling out of control, her hips acting of their own accord searching for friction to ease the throbbing. She couldn’t take it anymore and buried her face in his shoulder screaming his name. A second later she felt his big fingers push in and out of her as she ground her pelvis down on them. Her face still looked pained and wild.

“Sassenach, ye need to kiss the angels, right now.” He pulled her sensitive bud into his mouth and moved his tongue across it with growing intensity until she left the earth, her little body bucking against his mouth and then jerking reflexes as her lips fell on the cheeks of the angels.

Jamie saw her open lips smile and would have given a paycheck to know what she was seeing. His balls were stinging to the point of nausea and he entered her warm pussy with a grateful growl. Claire pressed her hands against the side of the couch and kept her legs in the air at his sides. Her face was the picture of surrender as her breasts bounced with every pounding thrust. Jamie watched her back arch against him and heard her ask for more. He could no longer stop and held her hips against him while he pounded into her body until he exploded in an orgasm that rocked him from head to toe.

Jamie was covered in sweat but held her firmly to him, not wanting to separate. He was panting for his life and dropped his head to her shoulder which felt so intimate to Claire. He dropped to his side and pushed her hair behind her ear so he could see her eyes sparkling, looking at her hero. He was profoundly moved by how she looked at him. Words failed him so he held her young body close to his warmth and never wanted to let go.

When Claire’s mind could focus and form a thought again, she marveled at how different it was, when compared to sex with Jamie as the dancer. The intimacy and touching were completely different, the way he looked at her, like a treasure, filled her with warmth. She felt a warm blanket settle over her naked body and Jamie spooned her, pulling her against his chest and legs, possessive and warm. 

“Goodnight Angel,” he whispered, and she gave up the struggle and dropped into the void.

What seemed like a few moments later she felt the heat of Jamie’s chest against her back and heard his whisper in her ear.

“I have a special treat for a pretty lassie that opens her eyes.”

She could feel his body moving as he struggled to hold the wiggling puppy. It was whining pitifully, whacking Jamie’s back with a wildly wagging tail. The puppy was through with containment and broke free to drown the little human in kisses. Claire’s arms came out and cuddled the puppy to her chest while she giggled from the wet tongue kisses. 

Claire sat up letting the blanket fall away and she tried to quiet the puppy down, kissing his face and stroking his soft body. Jamie was captivated by her moving breasts, temporarily mute, he watched them.

Claire looked up at him and snapped him out of his reverie. She could not stop giggling at the guilt in his eyes at being caught. Her giggling made her breasts bounce forcing Jamie’s eyes down to watch them making her laugh harder.

Jamie shook his head hard and pushed up to his feet. 

“I have another surprise for ye Sassenach. He picked her up and carried her upstairs still cocooned in the blanket. He pushed the door open to a large bathroom and a tub full of bubbles that smelled like heaven. He dropped Claire into a chair and handed her coffee as her eyes scanned a full tray of waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage, and juice. When Jamie added hot water to the tub he disappeared, leaving her to this glorious treat.

Claire had a permanent smile on her face for the rest of the day as they climbed the hills around the estate and looked out at the valley and house far below. She could see for miles snapping pictures with her phone of the landscape and Jamie. When the sky turned dark with fat storm clouds, they raced down the hill trying to beat the rain, laughing hysterically when the long grass got wet and slippery sending them both sprawling on the ground. When Lallybroch was in sight Jamie insisted on a piggyback ride to home. 

Claire was in fun overdrive and jumped on his back just as the rain came down. She wiped the water out of his eyes and kissed his ears making him walk so fast she feared they would both go down in the mud. 

There was a lot of laughter that day and long looks, as Claire felt him move into her heart and proclaim it his.

They were almost to the house and the thunder and lightning was crashing above them. Claire felt Jamie lose his footing and braced for the fall, laughing hysterically. Jamie twisted his body taking most of the impact, checking Claire for injuries, she laid on her back looking up at him, lips parted, chest heaving, her cotton dress was soaked through. 

Jamie could not think beyond getting between her legs and pushing into her velvet softness. He felt her legs open beneath him and he watched her eyes as he slid into her warm wetness. He tried to get the buttons of her dress open because he had to watch her breasts bounce when he pounded her. It was too much to watch her scream into the thunder and he felt his body prepared to ejaculate. He ripped her dress open capturing a breast in his mouth while he slid in and out of her. His hands held her against him as he battered her and growled loudly pumping his seed into her.

Claire’s teeth were chattering, and Jamie quickly built a fire and made hot cocoa to warm her. He pulled her sopping clothes off and covered her in fluffy towels, walking her to the sofa to warm up. He bounded up the stairs for dry clothes and stopped halfway looking at the beautiful girl bundled into towels sipping her drink. When her Bambi eyes looked up at him his stomach flipped over and he felt weak. 

“I am twenty-nine years old my beauty, and ye make me feel like I’m fourteen and just been kissed.” He smiled and Claire felt it like an arrow through her heart. The way he looked at her gave her hope that he would keep her with him forever.

“Will you read to me, Jamie?” 

He held his hand out to her and walked her to the attic where she laid in his lap and listened to the story of Jamie’s ancestor unfold.

June 4, 1743  
We traveled for many days, riding hard at first to put distance between us and the pyre meant to consume my wife. I slowed down after four days because my love was healing from the beatin laid upon her by simple-minded farmers whipped to a frenzy by a lyin vengeful girl. A whip was laid into her skin, many times, before I drew my sword and dirk against her accusers. 

We escaped to a wood where I tended her wounds and she told me of things too wonderous for a book to bear. The truth she revealed to me shattered my soul. I am but a mortal man, too ordinary to share her path, but I love her, like the earth loves the stars. I offered my love the gate to her freedom from this barbaric time, to go home to her own people where she has a home and a husband. It’s true she was forced to marry me or face her death, but I love her deeply and felt my heartbreak when I bid her goodbye. My grief almost broke my back that night and when full into my misery she touched me, and I held her close, crying her name. I canna ken what has kept her here, but I will thank God and her until my last breath.

My heart pounded with excitement as we neared Lallybroch. So many years have gone by since I was last home, and so much loss has befallen my family. She still walks with me and I just want to hold her close in the Laird’s bed, my bed. I am home to claim my land and tenants, pray over the bones of my father who walked taller than any man on earth. And have a family of bairns to bless my life, every day.

Jamie stopped reading and ran his fingers through Claire’s hair. He smiled down at her face noticing the sunburn and freckles across her nose from their hike. He carried her to his bed and kissed her over and over again. The room lit up with lightning and the house shook from thunder. They snuggled together listening to the storm, feeling sleepy and happy to be together. When Jamie heard her rhythmic breathing, he closed his eyes and rode his dreams, always full of promise, where he never fails.

Jamie hugged Claire goodbye in her kitchen. He kissed her forehead and said he missed her already. She smiled at the dashing man who had taken residence in her heart, wishing the weekend was just beginning.

Once on the road to Glasgow and his mental to-do list was made. Jamie sat back and pulled Claire into his mind where he saw her face in every activity they had done over the weekend. He was a happy man and the dancer did not exist in his world tonight.

Claire moved through the house, cleaning up the mess left by Madu, and washing two loads of laundry. She called Geillis who was otherwise occupied with her new boyfriend and sat down on the couch. It was eight o’clock and the night ahead looked long and lonely punctuated by the thunder of a coming storm still off in the distance. 

She felt the trembling start in her fingers, “no, not this, please.” She jumped up and ran around looking for something to do, anything that would keep her mind engaged and ward off this terrible anxiety attack that was working its way up her legs and arms seeking her heart. 

“I’ll organize the veils; Lord knows that needs to be done.” She dashed for the door and found an empty room, remembering she had removed everything connected to her dancing. The icy hands of her anxiety wrapped around her neck and started squeezing making it hard to breathe and her body filled with fight or flight chemicals telling her to run for her life. It had been a long-time without this debilitating anxiety, but it was back with a vengeance. Claire paced in the studio and when the banging started on her door, she jumped a foot off the ground. 

Madu was pushing into the door to escape the downpour. Claire pulled the door open and wrapped herself around his middle saying how happy she was to see him. 

He looked down on her and knew right away what was happening. He had seen this before, many times in the past. He started talking, filling her in on his weekend, every single thing he did as he moved through the house pouring a whisky for them and saying his Egyptian toast before throwing it back. He was trying anything to distract and clear her mind of this anxiety attack. 

“Look at this Claire, look!” Madu moved through a new routine but danced the female version shaking and popping his chest making Claire laugh at how ridiculous he looked. “Come, do it so I can know I am a gifted choregor. Come, do it.”

“It’s choreographer you goofball.” Her graceful arms held out to her sides, Claire made the movement look fluid and lovely adding a perfect front aerial.

“Show off.”

The knocking at the front door sent Claire running for the peephole and she pulled it open for Geillis to get out of the rain. She closed the door and it pushed back open with someone else coming in behind her. Claire ran for towels and then whisky and within fifteen minutes there was a party in her living room and the anxiety attack was banished. 

Claire fell into bed at three o’clock in the morning, completely exhausted. She was asleep recalling Jamie’s fingers in her hair and his breathtaking blue eyes looking down at her resting in his lap. 

By Wednesday, the sun was providing a lovely warm summer day for Claire to motor to Glasgow. The windows were down, the music was up, and her excitement was pouring out of her. She walked down the uneven stone path to his house twirling twice while her cotton dress flared in the breeze. The key was right where Jamie said it would be and she entered the tiny house with her arms full of grocery bags. Hands came out of nowhere and pulled them away from her. Before she could scream, her mouth was locked into a kiss, there were steal arms around her waist, and his smell spun her brain. 

Jamie’s kiss was soft and sweet as he told her he couldn’t wait to see her and come home for lunch. They kissed and they kissed with short sentences whispered in between. Jamie deepened the kiss setting Claire on fire, leaving them both panting as he ran out the door. Claire laughed and started to close the door only to have him jump back in and hold her at arm’s length to see her pretty dress and kiss her one more time. 

“When do you get off, I’ll have dinner ready.”

“Five o’clock but I’ll be here by three.” He was gone again, and Claire went looking for the kitchen.

Jamie watched the architect walk out of his office and he tried to get some work done. Try as he might his mind was at home with the girl he was falling in love with. She was his first thought in the morning, his last thought at night, and she drifted in and out of all the minutes in between. 

He surrendered to his need to see her and talk to her, flipped the lights off, grabbed his briefcase and left. Jamie pulled against the curb of a flower vendor and pointed at three bouquets and asked they be combined. The smiling merchant handed over an enormous bouquet and Jamie was heading home with a surprise for his love.


	8. Chapter 8

Jamie crossed the yard in front of his little house in seconds, came through the door filled with excitement, and what he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. Pretty feet were crossed at the ankle on top of the kitchen table. As he got closer, the ankles appeared, connected to long legs and the hem of a black dress, or shirt, midway up the thigh. A large cookbook was held open in front of her face and she lowered it and smiled at him.

He held the flowers out to her, and she squealed with delight jumping out of her chair spinning around smelling the beautiful flowers.

“Jamie, I have never seen a bouquet so beautiful.”

Once the flowers were in water, she kicked a small booster toward him and stood on it. She was slightly above his eye level, arms around his neck, lips parted millimeters from his, she thanked him for the lovely flowers. 

“Did it earn me a kiss from a beautiful girl then?”

She could feel his warm hands sliding up her legs and she pressed her lips to his and felt the magic like the fourth of July. Jamie’s hands continued upward, and he pressed his palms around her globes and then ran his finger under the elastic lace of her thong. 

Claire forced herself to stop kissing and stood still before stepping down so she didn’t fall. 

She lowered herself at the table and reached for silk stockings that she gently pulled up her legs while Jamie was immobile, watching her. Reaching behind her chair she set high heeled straps on the floor and put them on. Jamie was still standing in the middle of the kitchen, watching, not wanting to miss a single movement.

He noticed finally her hair was pulled up reminding him of a movie, but he couldn’t think of the name. Long pieces swooped down around her face. 

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s”

“What?”

“Yer hair”

“Yes, that movie made this hairstyle famous. In truth, it is the easiest updo ever created. Even so, you can’t touch it if that’s what you had in mind.”

“Why canna I touch it?”

“We have reservations all over the city tonight Jamie. Do you want to shower and change? The limo is coming in twenty minutes.”

“Why Sassenach?”

“Jamie, did you know that your oven and stovetop do not work?”

Jamie was running his eyes down her silk-clad legs licking his lips, “Why would I know that?”

“First stop is 21 where we taste the best whisky in the world. Then to Bordon Castle for Filet Mignon. Anything you want to do in between or after, just say so.”

He looked at this wonderful spontaneous girl and felt her contagious excitement. 

“May I ask the occasion lass?”

“My birthday, times eleven.”

Jamie looked horrified he forgot her birthday, but he looked into her eyes and grinned walking toward her as she backed up.

“Yer birthday is March 19th lass. Suppose ye try again.”

Claire was laughing and tried to run around him after he backed her into a corner. He caught her and pulled her to a chair and on to his lap. He ran a hand down her kicking leg and waited.

“I was orphaned at five years old, both parents died in a car crash. The only family I had was my Uncle Lamb who I never met. He took charge of me and we spent the next eleven years in jungles, deserts, remote islands, anywhere his work took him. He was an archeologist and I grew up among tribal people mostly. He brought me to Edinburgh when I was sixteen and enrolled me in school. He was very ill but never told me. One night he handed me a fat bag of gold and said happy birthday for the eleven years I never bought you a present.” 

Jamie was shaking inside listening to Claire’s truth. She seemed at peace with what happened, but his heart broke for her.

“He told me to spend the money doing something I would remember forever.” She looked in Jamie’s eyes and smiled, “this is it.”

Jamie was speechless and honored she would choose him as the memory she would never forget.

“Lass, I…”

“It was a long time ago Jamie. Lamb lives in my heart now and he would be impressed with how I planned this night. As a party favor, I will grant you three wishes tonight. Whatever you want, whenever you want it.”

“Can I see mo chridhe? Lift yer dress, show your world to me, as the Americans say.”

Claire stood up and her legs seemed a mile long with her high heels and very short dress. She pinched the sides of the dress and raised it an inch at a time while Jamie watched with rapt attention. Once he had seen the lace tops of the stockings and the tiny thong, she dropped the dress and looked at her watch.

“Ten minutes.”

It was like Jamie finally understood the potential fun in the night ahead and he dashed for the shower. I want to play with you tonight Sassenach, he thought, scanning his clothes for the right everything. He pulled out a white shirt made by the best tailor in England. A Christmas gift from the Board one year. Twenty-five measurements and exquisite fabric created a form-fitting garment that accentuated his muscular frame and flat stomach. He had saved it for a special occasion like celebrating eleven birthdays with an incredible girl.

Claire looked at her date and almost fainted. He looked like he just stepped off a GQ magazine cover. His hair was combed back on the sides, Slacks that hugged his butt and that shirt was absolutely the best she had ever seen. Even his shoes were shiny. She took his sport coat and held it out for him breathing in his incredible smell.

The limo driver looked at the two of them smiling and laughing with each other as they approached. He held the door for them and drove to the first destination. They talked together on the first leg of the trip and the driver was happy to oblige their every wish after that.

Coming back to the limo Jamie handed the driver a flask and said it was fifty-year-old whisky and just a taste. The driver was thrilled.

Dinner was in a converted castle on the second floor. They had a dark table outside where the castle army once stood with bow and arrow ready to kill invaders as they approached. The candlelight along the walls and near the table was soft and made Claire’s skin glow. She looked at Jamie’s beautiful eyes and felt like the luckiest girl alive tonight. 

They talked about every subject under the sun because conversation with the other was fun and stimulating. Claire dabbed her lips and exhaled with contentment. Jamie watched her Bambi eyes invite him to love her and his body answered yes, definitely. When her stocking foot pressed into his crotch he nearly shot straight out of his chair. Her eyes were telling him a story that he could not look away from until he had a raging erection he feared would alter his gate.

After dinner they walked the formal grounds of the castle, cuddling and giggling until Jamie could not stand it anymore. He had to kiss her. Pulling her behind a hedge he claimed her mouth and ran his hand up her leg to touch her thong.

“Yer beautiful Claire, so beautiful.”

“So are you, Jamie, it makes my heart hurt sometimes when I look at you.”

He kissed her deeply and then pulled her back to the limo handing a napkin full of goodies to the driver who asked for their next stop. Jamie noticed black glass now separated the front and back of the limo. He started a sentence that died midway through when he looked at Claire. 

“Sassenach, I’d follow ye right off a cliff lookin at me that way.”

He pulled her mouth to his, kissing her deeply, hearing her moan. He reached for the phone and asked for a continuous ride until further notice.

When his lips touched Claire’s, he knew they would blaze trails for the rest of their lives, finding the highest peaks, seeing the broadest landscapes. Life with Claire would be extraordinary. When he pulled the long zipper down her back the dress seemed to just fall off her, and she laid back on the limo seat naked except for her lace thong, stockings, and heels. 

“Take it off.”

“No.”

Jamie’s eyebrow shot up. 

“Do you want to use one of your wishes?”

“Aye”

He burned the image in his mind of Claire naked with sexy stockings and stiletto heels. It was the sexiest thing he had ever seen, and they gave each other the most erotic ride of their lives. 

With clothes back on and hair fixed again, Jamie called the driver and requested home. He tipped the driver fifty dollars and asked for his card. The driver watched Claire’s figure in the short tight dress, long legs, and high heels with Jamie’s hand caressing her globes as they walked away. It became his go-to image of success for many years.

Claire packed up her car and called Jamie on her way out of Glasgow the next day. She promised to be at Lallybroch for the weekend and closed her eyes listening to his voice. This was her magic month when someone would love her just as she was. It was like a dream come true so far. She warned herself that it would end in two weeks. Jamie will have had time to fall in love with her making him most receptive to her truth. He had not said he loved her, but she felt his love in every kiss, every touch, and gaze.

The closer she got to Edinburgh the more she felt like the dancer. Her mind filled with lessons with Madu, Omar’s health, costume changes needed, aerial moves added to her routines. When she opened the front door, she was the dancer.

Geillis joined Claire for dinner at their favorite Italian restaurant and they talked non-stop through drinks, main course, and dessert. Claire looked at her last bite of Italian ice and heard someone nearby laugh and call her the Greek dancer. She looked up in horror at the finger pointing directly at her and the sneering, ugly drunk it was attached to. 

The blood drained out of Claire’s face as Geillis pulled her to her feet pushing her toward the door to the outside. Once Claire was in the car Geillis locked her in and ran back to pay. Geillis found the offensive man drinking with his friends and she shocked him by putting her face an inch from his.

“I am calling for emergency help because you just accosted my friend. I’ll give a perfect description of ye, fat, ugly and drunk. Good luck with that.”

The men were stunned for about thirty seconds before they almost knocked the table over trying to leave.

Claire sat in the dark car feeling very exposed and scared. She did not figure this into the equation of her life as a dancer and certainly not in her life with Jamie. What if it was Jamie she was with tonight?   
Geillis jumped in the car and looked at her white-faced friend.

“What if I had been with Jamie when that happened?”

Geillis looked sharply at Claire and studied her for a minute.

“What if it had Claire? It would move the timeline up by two weeks. Right? Dinna get too comfortable in your denial Claire, it willna change the fact that you are the belly dancer that made him crazy with lust and ye took thousands of dollars from him in the process.” 

Claire turned her head away from Geillis and cried as quietly as possible. She expected Geillis to apologize but it never came, and Claire suddenly felt completely alone. 

Claire sighed with relief when she did not see Madu on the couch or in the refrigerator. She sat on the couch looking at the ceiling, feeling hot tears roll down the side of her face. Why was there no joy anymore without Jamie, she wondered? 

The vibration in her pocket meant she had to pull her phone out of her pocket and say hello. It was too much effort tonight. She would call Madu in the morning. It buzzed again; it must be Geillis finally realizing she was mean tonight. The third time it vibrated she grabbed it, irritated, and looked at the screen. 

“Jamie.”

“Did I catch ye gettin out of the shower Sassenach?”

“No. How are you?”

“Lonely.”

“How can I help, you know I would do anything for you.”

“Come to Glasgow. Stay with me, Claire.”

She was quiet for a full minute waiting for him to laugh or make light of her living with him, but he didn’t.

“I would love to stay with you for a while Jamie.” 

“Can ye get away tomorrow lass? I could use yer help with somethin I’m buildin. Say yes mo chridhe so I can fall asleep tonight.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll see ye tomorrow love, sleep tight.”

“Goodnight handsome.”

By noon, Claire had packed her clothes for an extended stay with Jamie which took all of twenty minutes. Madu came to bug her for the afternoon and hung his head like a neglected puppy until Claire told him to make himself at home. 

Madu had been sleeping at his cousin's studio since coming to America and it must have been quite lonely for him. He packed her car and pulled her to the couch.

“Claire, this will make the breakup worse for you. Why fall so deep for a man who will cast you aside when he knows the truth?”

The hair on her neck stood up and she wanted to lash out at him, tell him to mind his own business, but she got control of that first impulse and looked at his concerned face.

“Maybe I keep him in Glasgow until he is promoted to London or Germany, so he never has to know I’m the dancer. It could happen Madu.”

“The truth wants to be told, it will come out. When it does, you call Madu, I come to get you, okay?”

“She kissed his cheek, “please don’t wreck the house.”

Claire dropped her groceries on the kitchen table and her eyes went wide at the new stove in the kitchen. It was brand new and just waiting for her to roast, bake, sauté, and fry to her heart's content. In the bedroom, there were new side tables with a lamp on each and a stack of hardbound best sellers. The top drawer of the sink vanity was pulled out with a bouquet of flowers set inside. A note with a down arrow pointing at the drawers below said, “all for you.” She wondered how he could do all this in two days.

She looked at her watch and grabbed her purse. There was plenty of time to get more groceries now that she had an oven. 

Jamie could smell food cooking from his truck, and he smiled his excitement. The first hot meal in this place and it smelled like Italian heaven. The door opened to a dozen candles around the room all glowing with soft light and the beautiful voice of Enya filled the room.

Claire stood at the sink running carrots and green onions under cold water and humming along with the music. Jamie just looked for a minute. Her short cotton dress was inches from her core the peasant top hung off one shoulder. She could feel his heat behind her and turned her brilliant white smile on him as he lifted her to the counter, pressing her legs apart to move in for a hungry kiss that lasted five minutes.

Jamie carried her to the couch and found a comfortable position between her legs so they could kiss and whisper and build the heat. Claire fed her man with a happy heart, so thankful that he wanted her there and so anxious to fill his home with lovely touches just for him. 

After dinner, Jamie led Claire outside and around to the back of the house where stairs were newly built leading to the roof. She bounced up stepping onto a flat roof that was hidden from the front of the house. Behind them were fields and wildland for miles. Claire touched a large box and looked at Jamie.

“What’s this?”

“That is what I need yer help with Sassenach. It’s plenty early we can start now if yer not too tired.”

Jamie pulled wood pieces of various sized out of the box, bags of bolts and screws, and a booklet of instructions that he handed to Claire. He flipped a light switch that flooded the workspace with light and for the next two hours, they worked together building a double lounge frame and pulling a weather tolerant, high-density mattress from the second large box.

Claire was over the moon with their secret spot under the stars. She stretched out on the lounge and held her hand out to Jamie who accepted her invitation to kiss. The night was so dark they couldn’t see each other, and the light was too bright above them.

“I need to take your clothes off and kiss you right here,” she said, “and here, suck a bit here, and run my tongue from here to here. Can we take this inside so I can do all those things?” She smiled at Jamie who clearly agreed, and they left their rooftop hideaway for another day.

A whisky and a hot shower left them breathless and they spent the next hour lavishing physical love on the other. 

“Sassenach, I’m a trustworthy man and I have deep feelings for ye. I will be whatever ye need me to be for as long as ye let me. Goodnight angel.”

When he pulled her close and said that in the dark, Claire heard him say I love you and she snuggled into his chest and closed her eyes.

In the days that followed when Claire served a perfect roast beef, put a baggie of homemade cookies in his briefcase, and chased after him in the morning so she could kiss him one more time, Jamie heard I love you.   
As the third week came to a close, Claire was the happiest she had ever been in her life. She actually could not have anticipated or hoped for this much happiness because she never knew it existed.   
Each day of the fourth week was a roller coaster of blissful happiness and soul-killing sadness. The two moods would bounce back and forth as Claire could think of nothing else but telling Jamie the truth.

They had spent the previous weekend at Lallybroch with Jenny who had pulled Claire into a close friendship, reinforced by daily phone calls and giggling promises to get together for lunch or a movie. Her growing friendship with Jenny helped Claire overcome the gaping hole left by Geillis, not seen since the night at the Italian restaurant. It was traumatic for both of them, but she never thought Geillis was that thin-skinned.

To Jamie, Claire was everywhere, and he was intoxicated with happiness after nine years of living alone. He had a secret of his own, one that would join the volumes of classic love stories, if there had been a writer close by to hear it.

Claire cuddled into his arms sighing with pleasure from food, whisky, and gorgeous blue eyes. The Oasis, so named when Claire installed Kontiki torches, a small refrigerator, and a table that had Whisky and glasses. She made it beautiful and Jamie was always delighted to spend the evening up there, holding her, talking, or making love.

“Have ye considered living in another country mo chridhe? Like Germany perhaps? Would ye live with me in Germany, Sassenach?” He cupped her cheek and looked at her like she held the entire world in her eyes. “I love ye, like my da loved my mam. I canna measure the time ye’ve been in my life because ye’ve always been there. As a lad, daydreaming about my future, as a man so lonely for a soulmate, and every moment in between, ye were there. The first time ye gave me yer body I wanted to weep with relief and I almost asked ye where ye been all these years? I’ve been waitin for ye. It’s why I can love ye so deeply after a short time together and I have to ask ye, lass, do ye feel the same?”

He studied her face as her eyes filled with tears. He saw the heartbreak and loneliness of her life, her isolation, and fear from the years living alone. What made him laugh with joy was the unmistakable love she had for him. It pushed his heart into his throat and he kissed her soundly, hugging as tightly as he dared. 

“Lass, dinna cry, dinna cry for love ye canna lose. I will love ye for the rest of yer life, come what may. So take a breath and tell me ye love me for all time. If I live in yer heart already, like ye do mine, I was meant to love ye and ye to love me.”

He kissed her breathless and whispered, “tell me ye love me lass.”

“I love you Jamie, more than I ever thought possible. I love you.”

Between each kiss, she said it again, or he did until the kisses did not stop and they could no longer speak.

Claire was unable to stop the bliss of the last few days with Jamie. He talked about their future and she pretended it was real until he left for work and she fell apart. On Sunday evening, after dinner and making love at the Oasis, she led him inside by the hand and asked him to sit with her at the table. 

“I love you, Jamie, with every ounce of my soul. I must tell you about something I have kept from you. Her tears were flowing. I would trade ten years of my life not to tell you, but I can no longer keep this from you. John and Geillis are the only people that know. I want to start this story when my bookstore closed because you built a huge new store on my street and put me out of business.” 

“I didn’t make much money but enough to pay rent and eat. Knowing I was losing the store made me so afraid. No parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, no one to help me. I searched for a job doing anything, but no one would hire me. I was desperate.”

“Stop Claire, yer breakin my heart, so stop, please. I dinna care to know, how is that? Let’s just move on from here. If ye robbed a bank, who cares? If ye…I, I canna think what could be so terrible right now because I just want ye to stop hurtin so bad. It doesna matter lass.” He was pleading with her because he never suspected she could deceive him the way she had. She continued. 

“When we came to Edinburgh, my uncle taught at university and I went to public school. The girls were so mean to me and I just wanted to die. I saw some bullies coming down the street one day, so I slipped into the first door I found to hide from them. It was a dance studio and the owner was very nice. She offered me lessons if I helped her after school. She taught me for six years and gave me comfort when my uncle died. It was the only thing I knew how to do besides sell books.”

Claire completely broke down and Jamie pulled her from her seat and held her close, rocking her from side to side, speaking his low Gaelic voice. When she could breathe again, she sat down quickly desperate to finish the story and be done with this, whatever happened. 

“I had no money, my rent was late, and I would be homeless soon. My instructor got me an interview to dance as an entertainer and the sweetest man in the world gave me a job …belly dancing at his restaurant. I am a belly dancer Jamie. I am the belly dancer you came to see so many times, the dancer you made love to in the dressing room.” 

“I am so sorry for the deception.”

“I hated you at first and blamed you for my problems. I would dance for you and then ignore your request to speak with me. Until we had coffee, and I wasn’t mad at you anymore. We spent more time together after that and I fell in love with you. When you had to move, to build the new store, I thought you would be gone forever, that is when I let you into the dressing room. My heart was breaking, and I had to feel you touch me just once.” 

“That’s it.”

Jamie’s face had lost all color and he shook his head side to side as if that would make all this vanish. He stood up and paced in the kitchen, looking closely at Claire, then back to the pacing. 

“Why tell me now?”

“I have to go back to work tomorrow, my month of vacation is over.”

“Why tell me now?” He repeated.

“I love you Jamie and wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. To live my dream of someone loving me for me.”

“Why not tell me the first night I watched ye dance?”

“Because she isn’t me. That job was a means to survive, that's all.”

“I offered ye the manager job in Edinburgh, why didn’t you take it?”

“I didn’t trust you yet and couldn’t put my fate in your hands again.” 

Her voice was so low he could hardly hear her. Jamie watched her body shake from head to toe and he felt no desire to comfort her. Now that he knew, he could clearly see the dancer was Claire. 

“Did ye mean to make me love ye so completely before ye told me the truth?”

Claire was sobbing uncontrollably but nodded her head.

“Yer a cruel and selfish woman then. Months of lies, probably snickering behind my back and when I say I love ye, a bomb is dropped in my happiness. I dinna know ye at all Claire but for the heartache I will suffer for yer selfishness I can honestly say I dinna deserve it. I never meant to hurt ye with the bookstore and looked high and low for ye to make sure ye were alright. I would have found ye a decent job if ye let me know what was happening to ye.”

“Why belly dancing Claire. It doesna suit ye personality, or was that a lie as well. Yes, I can see it was. No wonder ye changed so much with yer makeover. Ye were goin back to who ye were. It's a twisted game ye played on me.”

“Jamie walked to Claire and pulled her face up to look at him. Someday, when my heartbreak heals, I hope to forgive ye.”

With that, he walked to his bedroom and closed the door, closed her out, closed his heart, and closed any hope she had of forgiveness. Claire cried until she was exhausted. Never had alone in the world felt so catastrophically bad. At four o’clock in the morning, she stumbled to her car with the possessions she could find without going into his bedroom. She cried as she drove home pulling over twice when she was out of control with her sobbing. 

Rain was coming down in Edinburgh when she parked her car and she stumbled into her house dripping wet. She sat in the dark and sobbed. Madu came out of the bedroom hearing her heartbreak and he held her and cried too. 

Jamie laid awake all night, hearing her cry and hearing her leave. Every five minutes he would remember something else she lied about as the layers of deception grew. Several times he sat up holding his chest feeling like a heart attack was coming and forced himself to calm down and breathe slowly. 

When the sun came up, he drove to work doing his best to get lost in the madness and problems with the building. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he left and drove to Edinburgh to see John. Jamie was sure he would drop his own bombs of truth, but he had to know.

Madu made Claire some tea and sat on the floor at her feet, ready to fetch whatever she needed. She finally dispatched him to retrieve her costumes just to have a little quiet time. She laid in her bed and closed her eyes but all she saw was Jamie, in love with her and then furious with her. She got up and turned the music on in her studio. Looking at her reflection in the mirrors she was disgusted at her slumped shoulders and puffy red face. 

“Hold your retched head up you conniving, lying bitch. He sent you back to where you belong so deal with it. How could you ever think you could stay with him? You are a fucking dancer you pathetic fool, so dance for your supper! Dance for your rent! Dance for your sanity and your very life! Dance!” She screamed.


	9. Chapter 9

Claire’s dance was torturous and punishing as she released her sadness, fear, and loss to the music. Her aerials were dangerously high as she was seeking the quiet solitude of… Madu pulled her to a chair and held onto her while she fell apart again. He was terrified by what he saw her do and wondered if she intended to smack her head on the wood floor. He didn’t care if she wanted space and alone time. He would hear her scream at him, but he would not leave her. 

John saw Jamie from across the store and jogged to him until he saw the rage on his face. So she had done it, and this was the result. He felt suddenly afraid for Claire. 

Jamie followed him up the stairs to the office and stood in front of John like a menacing mountain.

“Tell me what ye know of it then. Leave nothin out. Why did she tell ye who she was?”

“She didn’t, in fact, she nearly had a meltdown when I told her I knew. I recognized her the night we had dinner at Omar’s and waited a couple weeks to try to understand what was going on. I asked her about it coming back from Lallybroch last Easter.”

John did not like the energy coming off Jamie and felt no desire to sympathize or placate him. Clearly, it had not gone well for Claire and his heart hurt for her, but Jamie, he could care less about at the moment. Whatever long term pain he endured would be his own doing. 

“Did ye lie to me on her behalf?”

“No.”

“Did ye know she was moving in with me in Glasgow?”

“No.”

“How did ye have such a close relationship with her?”

“I didn’t Jamie. She was the kindest soul I had ever met but we didn’t confide in each other, never spent time socializing, except for Easter with you. She was very private and refused to speak about her relationship with you or her secret life. I tried a couple of times and she just didn’t answer.”

Jamie’s anger was collapsing, and he looked around like he didn’t know where he was, his whole body seemed to deflate.

“We had one conversation, on the ride home at Easter. She told me what she did to you, but I had to pull it out of her. She couldn’t cope with her own brutality and pushed it out of her mind.”

Jamie's face suddenly went back to rage as he prepared himself for another truth about this lying girl.

“She had done things to you when she still hated you for running her out of business. You and I both know there are ways of dealing with that situation that would have been much kinder. You opted for a different solution, get rid of the ugly bookstore by the fastest means possible. Yes, she hated you for it and she disgraced you by dancing in front of you and turning her back on you to bow to the rest of the audience, thereby shunning you. She said you tricked her into a coffee, and she didn’t hate you anymore, but the deed was done. She had laid the hurt on you so to speak and now didn’t know how to undo it.”

John watched Jamie’s face go from murderous to contemplative to baffled. He looked at John like he had not a clue this was going on. 

“I told her you wouldn’t know that type of retribution even if someone pointed it out at the time. But to her, it was unforgivable and she was already in love with you.”

John spoke softly hoping his words would pierce his heart like a sharp sword. People like Jamie were used to playing the almighty with the lives he disrupted in the capacity of his job. A heartless existence that he fell back on when she was pouring her heart and soul out to him apparently. 

“Tell me, when she told you what she had done were you thinking of her life, her heart, her reasons, or did you focus on your own?”

Jamie’s eyes bounced around the room like he was a caged tiger. John’s questions were upsetting him, and he could not face the answers he knew to be true. He felt worse and more confused than when he pulled into the bookstore, at the time believing he would hear more poison about her character. His head was spinning, and he launched from the couch where Claire had laid last winter when she passed out in his store. He left quickly, running down the stairs and out of the store. He sucked air into his lungs and felt tears coming. Tears he denied the night before when she was crumbling in front of him. What had he done to the woman he loved? He became the heartless businessman, a thick skin so natural after nine years of hurting people. As her truth, and tears came pouring out, he slipped into the man without a heart and abandoned her. 

Jamie walked the streets of Edinburgh like a lost soul, finally his right mind was correctly attached to his heart. He replayed a mind video of Claire sparkling around his house, jumping on him when he came home, cooking all afternoon for his pleasure, becoming a goddess when he held her. When the real Claire finally came back to his judgment he started to hurt, really hurt, deep in his soul until he could hardly put one foot in front of the other.

Madu escorted Claire to the dressing room, looking away when she shot arrows out of her eyes at him. She felt the sting of tears when the normal smells of the restaurant brought her memory back. She sat on the couch and made a heroic effort to push back on the tears. She heard a voice. The voice of her best friend sounding sad and sorry. Claire looked up at Geillis standing in the corner, with her own tears shining in her eyes. Claire ran to her and the women cried together, Madu cried on the couch.

Geillis was the salve to Claire’s heartache and broken spirit. She coo’ed her sympathy and dabbed her eyes with a tissue, telling Claire she had a full and glorious life to look forward to. Geillis loved Claire like a sister and had feared this outcome from her confession to Jamie. It is why she stayed away so long, she couldn’t stand knowing what would happen to her friend. Now she had to help hold her together until she could start to heal and let Jamie’s memory fade. 

On the other side of town, a car full of girls celebrating a bachelorette party came gunning for the restaurant. The girls were already high from whisky shots and a shared joint. They laughed hysterically and passed an advertisement for the world’s best belly dancer coming back from her time off. The girls did their best impression of a belly dancer and the car rocked with laughter. They were heading for the restaurant and a party sure to become legend. 

Geillis helped Claire into her costume and gushed over how pretty she looked while Claire concentrated on pushing her tears back. Geillis sat with her on the couch and held onto her while Madu left for a bit. He took long strides through the streets, head down, hands stuffed into pockets. He felt like the world was ending because his world existed in the eyes of his dancer. He passed a big man on a sidewalk, head down, looking like he lost his best friend. That snapped Madu back to reality and he crossed the street to get back to Claire.

The pile of girls burst into the restaurant and Omar came running, recognizing the large number of girls who were here to spend money on a memorable night. One of the girls had become snarly and pissed off, telling the others how her brother had been hustled by the belly dancer here. The more she talked about it the madder she got. When the group was seated, Jenny got up and made her way to the door near the stage. She figured it was the dressing room and the bitch would be inside, counting her ill-gotten gains no doubt.

There was no knock, no warning of impending doom. When Jenny crashed through the door Claire looked up and nearly fainted. 

“Claire? What the fuck is goin on, why are ye dressed like that? Why are ye cryin darlin?” Jenny looked around the room, looking for the belly dancer. There was no one else there, just Claire and some redhead. The truth started kicking her brain with a force that nearly laid her out. Eyes narrowed and she pointed at Claire as the memory of her broken brother filled her head. She lost it and closed the gap between her and the Jezebel in veils.

“It was you, ye dirty fuckin, lyin whore!”

Claire stood and tried to reason with Jenny until ruthless hands came out of nowhere and launched Claire into a makeup station. The force was so severe two of Claire’s ribs cracked in half, dangerously close to her lung. Geillis tried to pull Jenny away from her and was screaming at the top of her lungs as Jenny approached for another beat down. 

Claire looked up into the eyes of her friend as closed fists were thrown at her face sending her to the floor. Every object within arm's length was bashed into the dancer’s head followed by severe kicks to the sides of her body driving the rib into her lung. Jenny stood up looking for something heavy and picked up a side table holding it over her head to bring down on Claire. 

She was already unconscious. She did not feel the intensity of the blow that hit her face and brutally crushed her nose and eye orbitals. One lung was collapsed, and blood poured from every break in her perfect skin. Jenny stood to find another object and was pulled to the ground by her hair. A heavy knee pressed into her neck as Madu battled with the need to end her life. He could hear sirens coming and police were jerking him to his feet. The room was in chaos and the paramedics shoved everyone out as they worked to save Claire’s life. She was little more than a bloody pulp on the ground.

Outside, Jamie drove by the restaurant on his way out of town. In his exhaustion and depression, he didn’t look at the restaurant that had taken so much from him. He barreled toward Glasgow as Claire’s life slipped away. 

The paramedics had to shock Claire three times before restoring sinus rhythm to her heart. They ran the gurney to their vehicle pushing a line into her arm, the phone to the hospital pressed against a head as doors crashed closed and the siren wailed. The ER team did their best to pull her back to the living as blood, urine, and other tests were run to the lab.

Madu and Geillis sat in the ER waiting room looking shell shocked. White faces and vacant eyes were stuck on the floor and tears fell freely every now and then as they remembered the beating and the blood. The police had questioned them at length once they were separated. They tried the usual tricks to scramble their minds as they rapidly barked questions, finally concluding they were both reporting the attempted murder of a dancer. Jenny was arrested but her buzz had worn off and her girlfriends had left without her. She wailed like a stuck pig demanding they call her brother and screaming it was self-defense. 

Claire was wheeled into surgery an hour later to remove her ruptured spleen and when Geillis looked at her friend, she was unrecognizable. Several hours later the doctor approached Madu pulling off his mask and asked him for a word. The two men stood in the corner, heads bent, and Madu cried and shook his head no. Geillis thought her heart would stop as she watched him. She stood and waited for him to come back and deliver the news, whatever it was. Madu walked back to Geillis wiping his tears with his sleeve and taking a deep breath. He held Geillis’s hands and exhaled.

“We may lose beautiful dancer.” Madu broke down and Geillis held onto him fiercely telling him she would survive, she won’t die.

At three o’clock in the morning, an officer approached and sat next to Geillis. He spoke while looking at his notepad and asked Geillis several questions. He stated there were several death threats received at the restaurant after Claire was taken away. The owner signed his permission for the police to use their technology to identify the phone numbers that were hidden by the caller. 

“Do ye know someone with the last name of Dunsany?”

“Yes.”

“What about Hawkins?”

“Yes.”

“Ye need to come to the station for a statement. It’s important to yer friend.”

Geillis asked Madu to stay with Claire and she has led away to a squad car.

Jenny screamed like a banshee from her cell all night long. She was promised a phone call when she stopped screaming but it didn’t stop her, and the phone call was withheld until well into the next day.   
The hospital staff asked Madu for the names of her family members and learned there were none. The administrator pumped him with questions to jog his memory of a brother or distant cousin to which Madu shook his head. Several hours later Madu was allowed to see her for five minutes. He almost fainted at the sight of her face swollen beyond recognition, but he dropped to his knees and whispered something in her ear, and this continued until he was escorted away. 

The hospital staff hoped Madu would bring her out of the coma so she could start fighting for her life. They watched her closely after Madu’s visit and like the miracle they hoped for, her eyes opened several hours later.

Next Geillis could see her for five minutes and the two women cried and gripped each other until the nurses pulled Geillis away. Claire was inconsolable and was finally sedated. 

A nurse spoke to Madu and Geillis asking them to go home and get some rest so they could be of help to her when she was stronger. They finally agreed and left the hospital with hollow eyes laced with fear.

Jamie slept fitfully in Glasgow. He had walked for hours finally returning to his truck long after the bookstore had closed. Knowing Claire was doing the dance of seduction at that very moment made his knees week and his heart pound. He had to get away from this city and his crumbling heart. 

He saw her clothes and belongings all over his house and dropped into his bed once it was pitch dark and nothing left to see. Sometime during the night, he dreamed he was making love to the Sassenach, her face smiling up at him as she shattered. His eyes opened and he looked for her until he remembered, and his world fell apart anew. 

The following day Jamie’s phone vibrated in his pocket during a meeting with the architect and a contractor who were at each other's throats. He ignored the call to play referee wishing they would both just disappear.

An hour later Jamie was hanging off a very high ladder feeling his phone vibrate as he inspected wiring laced through the metal slats that reinforced the walls on the second floor. He felt the phone vibrate and ignored it. 

At eight o’clock that evening he was hunched over his blueprints after hours of unsuccessful focus, but he felt better here, protected from the reality of his life. He didn’t want to return to his home and see her clothes, or her handwritten notes making his heart hurt with her memory. His thoughts turned to John’s weird behavior at the bookstore the day before. He acted like Jamie was the enemy and brute that had hurt her deeply when he was the victim in this mess. 

He reached for his vibrating phone and took his last breath in the sane world he had controlled his entire life. 

She was screaming into the phone with what little voice she had left. Something went wrong at a party and one of the girls tried to kill her. She needed Jamie to come to Edinburgh and sort this out, get her out of jail. She was crying hysterically and Jamie ran out of his office to save his sister. He pushed his speed well beyond the legal limit and was in Edinburgh in forty minutes. He tried to post Jenny’s bail but was told she was held over to see the judge. 

He asked to talk to someone in charge about his sister’s charges. She had played the victim card on the phone and he was shaking mad they were keeping her. One of the responding officers pulled Jamie into a private room and calmly explained what she was arrested for. Jamie just stared at the officer like he didn’t believe him. The officer exhaled a long breath and pulled several Polaroids from a file pushing them toward Jamie.

Jamie looked at Claire’s face and body, beaten and bloody. His adam’s apple bounced in his throat as he tried to swallow, feeling the fear almost strangle him. He launched from his seat with the officer calling behind him, but he never heard a word he said. 

The officer had seen enough to know this was a crime of passion. The girl would be charged with manslaughter and probably spend the next ten years in prison. Before he reported this to the chief, he called the hospital to warn them Jamie was coming. 

Jamie jumped out of his truck at the entrance to the ER, motor running, door hanging open. When he crashed into the hospital looking wild-eyed asking for Claire two armed security guards flanked him and peacefully let the nurse tell him she was alive so far and he could not see her. Jamie went crazy and tried to claw his way to the patient rooms. He felt painful electricity hit his neck and his body collapsed long enough to be handcuffed and roughly set into a squad car.

On the other side of the world, a man’s voice greeted the caller in Arabic. His eyes went wide with alarm and he clutched the phone with both hands.

“Madu?”

The sobbing voice of his long-lost son hit his ears like a weeping sledgehammer as he consoled his beloved son and promised to fix whatever had befallen him. He waited for his son to gain control and speak to him about what was happening. The servants in the wealthy household alerted Madu’s mother something was terribly wrong, and she came running to her husband, wide-eyed and worried.   
“Madu, we are here loved son, we will help, tell me what has happened.”

His father could hear the sweet voice of his sister’s daughter, Kamilah, also lost to America for many years, He almost cried knowing he would tell his sister tonight that her daughter was alive, and she was with Madu.

Thirty minutes later his father hung up the phone and waited thirty seconds before barking orders to his staff to prepare for an emergency transport that would bring the children of the family home. He held his sobbing wife and told his assistant to order a medical transport from America and report hourly. The staff jumped into action while Madu’s father led his wife to their bedroom where he would soothe her worry. 

Madu collapsed after his father clicked off. He listened to the rushed questions from his cousin before turning his head to look at her, “you are coming too”, he said to her shocked face. Kamilah loved Claire, from the first day she stumbled into her studio asking for refuge from a group of bullies. She would do anything for her star performer and friend, except face her father. 

The days passed, Jamie was tazed and arrested again at the hospital, each time he was kept as long as the law allowed, three days in a cell pacing like a wild animal. Praying all night she would live to forgive him. When he walked into the hospital the third time, he was calm and fighting his impulse to crash into every door until he found her. His little Sassenach.

Jamie blinked at the nurse and asked again. Again he was told that Claire was gone. She had been taken out of the country for protection. That very nurse had flown with Claire to the airport by medical helicopter, and watched over her until relieved by the doctor staffing the medical transport. The nurse squeezed her hand and wished her luck.

“She is gone Mister Fraser, never to return and afraid for her life. If you had something to do with Claire’s attack it will come out in court. God save ye then.”

Jamie looked at the fat nurse and wanted to shake her and tell her he could never hurt the Sassenach. But he had hurt her, twice he had wielded his power against her. She had reached out to him, sobbing and crumbling, and he walked away from her. 

They should have been allowed the time to heal the wounds and come back together but his sister had seen to that. He drove back to Glasgow in a trance. The only thing he knew for sure is he would not be working on Jenny’s behalf. Let her rot in prison with no hope of a reunion with him. 

The days turned to months and then to years. Claire haunted him, year after year. She spoke to him in his dreams and drifted through his mind during the days. He was never so sure, it was she who attached her soul to him. His soulmate, gone forever. 

When Claire finally woke up from her medical coma the first person she saw was Madu. His presence calmed her, but her surroundings were screaming sirens in her head. She reached for him, “Madu”.  
Their eyes connected and he spoke about how he was able to get her out of Edinburgh. There were threats against her life, and he had taken her to safety. 

“Where are we?”

“Egypt.”

Claire felt the ground come up to smack her in the face as she fainted against her pillows. Madu called to the in-house medical staff as Claire spun into the darkness that calmed her. She found loving hands there, to hold her close, a voice that promised love and protection. Eyes that beheld her like a treasure. She fell into Jamie’s arms and remained there for many days while the doctor tried to revive her. 

Claire’s challenge was finding enough in her life without Jamie, to stay alive for. She couldn’t find anything that would make her tortured life worth living so she gave up, refused to wake or eat, making the doctor concerned for her life. 

The first time she was pulled to consciousness, Madu sat on her bed and took her hands. 

“By some miracle, your gift survives Claire. You must fight for that life, he or she is depending on you to fight.”

Claire stared dumbly at Madu trying to understand what he was saying. 

“What?”

“It was the size of a pea when you were attacked, and survived against all odds.” 

Claire’s eyes were wide and frightened. Her hand moved across her swollen abdomen and she freaked out. 

“What the fuck Madu, what is this?”

It has been months you have hidden from the world, deep in sleep, but the baby grew. The doctor says you must get up, and walk, eat and drink. Please Claire. 

It was unthinkable to condemn this child to a life without parents, or a parent at least. The baby growing in her body gave her a purpose and a strong will to survive. It was a hard recovery, but she dug in and made the progress that everyone around her said was miraculous. She worked and she worked until her strength came back along with her reason to live. 

Geillis reached for her phone hearing the airy sound of a caller far away. She dropped to the floor hearing Claire's voice and cried. It had been almost a year since they took her away and she feared the worst all this time. Claire cried with her and the girls tried to speak and catch each other up. Geillis knew she would never come back and it touched her that Claire would call. 

Two years later, Geillis was living in Glasgow and ran to her ringing phone. She held it to her ear and smiled at the news of a growing boy and his loving mother. The women talked for twenty minutes and Geillis prayed she would not ask about Jamie Fraser. Geillis clicked off the call. Heartsick from missing her friend, relieved there were no questions about Jamie. He was getting married to Geneva Dunsany in two months. He worked in Germany, made a fortune, and was living large without Claire. Geillis would walk over fire not to tell her about his happiness. 

Her phone rang again and Geillis answered before looking at the caller, it was Claire again. 

“I couldn’t stop myself because I have to know. How is Jamie?”

Geillis clicked off, knowing she had delivered the death blow to her friend's broken heart. She prayed that Claire would find the strength to get through this. It was the second-worst day of her life.

Claire slept on the floor, next to her son’s bed for the next four months. Her grief wrapped around her throat first thing in the morning and hung on until she fell asleep. Her only break from the agony was when her wee son smiled at her with his sparkling blue eyes, just like his father. The pain and loss grew less painful as the months rolled on, but each year on his birthday she cried for a whole day.

Claire sat on the train, hearing her stop called out, she made her way to the door. She had been hired by a dance company in London and relocated one month before today. She was finally getting her feet under her and her confidence inched up daily. When the door opened, the crowd of people behind her pushed her out the door with enough energy to lay her flat on the smooth concrete. That hurt, she thought. 

Big hands reached for her pulling her to her feet, “there ye are lass.”

She looked up at eyes so blue they took her breath away, the burr in his voice pulled her heart to his, waking her sleeping soul. 

“Sassenach! Are ye alright?” 

Jamie was in shock seeing her after so many years. The girl who would not leave his thoughts and dreams was standing right in front of him. They were frozen in time, staring at the face that was seared on their hearts. Claire suddenly came to her senses and quickly looked around, for a wife, who would take his arm and lay claim to him. She decided to live the rest of her days without that memory and broke away walking as fast as she could.

“I can keep up with ye easily Claire so ye might as well slow down, or give me that heavy bag yer carryin.” 

Claire looked around again for a woman walking toward him. She took off again, telling Jamie over her shoulder it was nice to see him. She walked toward the exit, breathing hard from the effort. Looking back he was nowhere in sight. Guess the wife caught up to him. Coming out to the soggy day she felt relieved to have some natural reason for her wet cheeks. She squeezed her eyelids closed so she could focus and there he was, right in front of her.


	10. Chapter 10

Jamie’s image swam before Claire’s eyes. He was breathtakingly handsome even six years later. She wanted to speak but couldn’t and suddenly felt strong arms pick her up. She heard him try to wake her and kept her eyes closed wanting the closeness for another moment. 

“I’m alright Jamie, please put me down.”

Ye fainted lass. Let me help ye home.” He walked her to the curb and whistled for a taxi keeping hold of her hand.

“I’ll see ye home Sassenach.”

“No, no. Not important, I’m sure you have people waiting for you.”

Claire looked around for a wife to come and take him away from her. Jamie looked around following her eyes.

“Are ye runnin from someone Claire? You keep looking for somethin. Are ye in danger lass?”

“Yes. I don’t want the memory of seeing you with your wife Jamie.” Her tears fell again and she gave up her attempt at bravado. It looked like she crumbled in front of him and he whistled again for a taxi.

“I havena a wife Sassenach. It’s true I tried to fill the whole ye left in me, but it didn’t work. I never married and left the relationship.”

He spoke softly to her, not wanting to cause her any more pain. She was just as beautiful, but her face told a different story. He could see the pain she had endured but there was a new light that came from within. He desperately wanted to know what that was. He chose his words carefully.

“Will ye have coffee with me so we can talk? Just for a bit.”

He seemed so desperate to keep her there and she felt her tears come again. Maybe if they could start fresh, strangers that just met, but there was a traumatic history between them.

“No Jamie, I can’t. I will get into a taxi and let you get on with your day.”

He held her arm like she was a lifeline, “I’m not strong enough to do that Sassenach.”

Claire’s mind was like a tornado standing so close to him. She felt love pulling her to him like six years had vanished from her memory. But it hadn’t, and she couldn’t face going through all that again with him.

She looked into Jamie’s blue eyes and thought about eyes that very color waiting for her at the daycare. Her heart was closed to him but her son’s wasn’t, they had a right to know each other and forge their own relationship. She pulled a notepad from her purse and wrote her address.

“Would you come to dinner tonight Jamie?”

Jamie pulled against the curb in the late afternoon and looked at the address on the mailbox. The small house seemed to suit her, he thought. He wouldn’t care if they were meeting in a cardboard box, he was just happy to spend more time with her. 

His heart pounded after he rang the doorbell and his ears strained to hear footsteps coming toward him. The door opened and he smiled at air until he noticed movement below him. Dropping his eyes he saw copper-colored hair, soft and curly, and blue eyes peer at him like he was a giant. 

“Mommy! Da is here to eat with us!”

Jamie felt his world tilt as the boy opened the door another three feet and smiled up at him. Jamie looked around for Claire feeling like he was dreaming of this child that now took his hand and pulled him inside before running to find his mother.

Claire came around the corner wiping her hands on an apron. 

She smiled at Jamie with a look he could not read. Dropping to her knees next to her son she held him and smiled excitedly.

“Are you happy to finally meet your da, sweetheart?”

The boy shook his head and his curls tumbled against his face. He broke away from his mother and ran down the hall. Before Jamie could think of something to say the boy came running back with a large photo album and placed it on the couch. He scrambled up and pressed his back against the cushions asking Jamie to look at the pictures with him.

Claire was not offering to run interference for them, her son had things well in hand and this was for him, for them, so she went back to preparing dinner. She washed her pans and set them to dry hearing the conversation continue in the living room. She pushed back hard on her tears, wishing it was she who sat closely and talked with excitement. So many feelings, love, fear, abandonment, desire, hope, and hopelessness were swirling in her heart. She pulled her shoulders back and closed them out of her mind. Tonight was for Brian and his father. 

Jamie looked into this beautiful boy’s face and saw his own eyes and jaw, his mother’s cheeks and forehead. He was a picture of both of them, and each time the child smiled he felt more of his heart melt. 

“What is yer name, how old are ye?”

“Brian James Beauchamp, I’m five.”

Little Brian pointed to pictures saying the names of the people in his life. Page after page was filled with pictures of Jamie and Jamie with Claire. Brian knew the back story for every picture, the puppies attacking Claire with the baby goats in the background. Jamie looked at her face, the way the sunlight seemed to light up the joy in her eyes and smile. 

“This is when you and mommy climbed up a mountain and saw your house way far down there. This is a room on the top of your house where you kept all your toys. This is mommy in her fancy clothes and a big car to drive her to a party. That’s you da, laughing with mommy.”

“This is Geillis, my Godmother. She comes to stay with us and makes Mommy laugh. I can stay home all day when Geillis is here.”

Jamie could not hold his tears back any longer. He was overwhelmed with meeting his son for the first time, a braw lad with an infectious joy like his mother. He pulled the boy closer and asked him to continue. 

Claire held dinner back a bit to give them some time. Brian was over the moon at meeting his father and Jamie was understandably shell shocked, but they seemed to be getting on. 

“This is Jadda, and this is Jaddati.” 

Brian seemed to linger on their pictures and Jamie could feel how much he loved them. He didn’t want this pictorial of Claire’s life to end so he asked about the other pictures as it became clear she had lived in Egypt for some time. Someone had captured Claire kissing the nose of a reclining camel in front of the great pyramid and another of her holding Brian near the Sphinx. Brian got quiet and ran his finger over the picture of a man. Tall, dark curly hair, kind eyes. 

“This is Madu. He went to heaven without us. He is Habbi.”

Jamie could feel the boy going inside to his grief and turned the page asking about other pictures. Brian looked up and smiled at his mother running her fingers through his hair. 

“Da likes our pictures, Mommy.”

“That is most wonderful sweetheart will you two come and eat please?”

Jamie tried to catch Claire’s eye, but she averted them and kept him from seeing her all through dinner. He wanted so desperately to talk to her about all that happened in the last six years. It stole his appetite and made him feel weak. 

“Get to your bath young man and then come and say goodnight to da.”

Brian was very reluctant to leave and took Jamie’s huge hand. When he looked up at his father Jamie felt his heart jump and wanted to pull him into his arms. Brian did it for him, he lunged at Jamie’s waist and clutched his father with all the strength he had. Jamie looked down at this beautiful boy hold him and he sucked air to the blinding tears. The innocence of that moment, a boy clutching the father he always wanted was Claire’s undoing. She jumped up to start clearing the table and running water into the sink, looking every few minutes as Jamie spoke Gaelic in his soft voice and Brian held on. 

Claire tried to think fast. She knew that Jamie wanted to talk, and she was afraid of the emotion and love she still had for him. She had lived a completely different life in Egypt, accepted into a family of parents, cousins, sisters, and brothers. They pulled her into the only family she had ever known and prayed she would stay in their household after Madu died. They helped her heal from a devastating betrayal of someone she loved. Now, here he was wanting to talk to her and leave his footprints all over her heart again.

Claire found Egypt to be as foreign as living on the moon. She loved Madu’s family but decided it was time to go back to an English-speaking country. London was her choice because she would never return to Scotland. 

Jadda, Madu’s father held her close and promised to send support once she was settled. Jaddati, Madu’s mother cried and held onto her saying blessings and kissing her cheeks. Jadda sent one thousand pounds every month and lavished Brian with gifts on his birthday. Claire was ever grateful for their support but had started sending any funds back she didn’t require. 

Claire thought back to her first six months in London when all she could afford was a studio apartment. She worked as a cashier at the hospital cafeteria, but Brian’s daycare costs were more than she made working full time. It was a dark time for her. Jadda called to give her an address where she could live. He told her little about how he knew of this place and she always suspected he bought it so they would have a decent place to live. Especially since the rent was eighty dollars per month. It was like moving into a mansion on a quiet street where Brian would later walk to school from each day. That was three years ago, although it seemed like so much longer. 

Brian still held Jamie’s hand and looked at his mother with tears streaming down his face. His look was breaking her heart because he didn’t want to leave Jamie. 

“Sweetheart you will see him again. Your Da and I will talk about it tonight so don’t worry, okay? Now, little man, to the bath.” 

Brian seemed to feel much better about letting go of Jamie after his mother’s promise and he ran out of the kitchen leaving two shattered hearts alone with each other. 

“I’m sorry for the shock of it Jamie. I couldn’t find the words to tell you this afternoon, so I just had you come over. I’ve wanted to find you since we’ve been back but there were things I couldn’t face. I always thought one more year and I’ll be strong enough. I’m sorry.”

Jamie just stared at her letting his love and compassion for her show in his eyes. He knew they had to talk about what happened to them before they could move forward but Claire was unwilling, too afraid. 

“He is a braw lad Sassenach. You have done a spectacular job raising him. Ye made a decision this afternoon that will forever change all of our lives, and I thank ye for being brave enough to do it. I’ll no ask for more than ye want to give. if I can be in his life, I will be forever grateful.”

“I have told him stories about you since he was too young to understand speech. He took to you like I’ve never seen him do to anyone. Do you want to come for dinner once a week and see how it goes?”

“Thank ye Sassenach. Can I help ye clean up?”

“No thank you, this is the easy part.”

She remained on her feet and suggested the same night next week. Jamie stood and said goodnight, feeling his heart hurt as he drove home. Claire had drawn a line between them and made it clear that her life was closed to him. 

The next week Brian gave him a painting he made in school and Jamie’s heart nearly burst. He and Brian would spend the hour before dinner, talking and laughing until they were called to eat. Claire was always cordial but remained closed off to him. As the months went by he managed to come extra days when there was something to fix in the home, and he was rewarded with a second dinner. Brian would erupt with joy on these nights because he was his father’s assistant. Sometimes Jamie would coax him to do the repair himself, always under the watchful eye of his da. 

Jamie would steal long glances at Claire when her back was turned. All attempts at seeing her as just the mother of his child went straight to the trash because he would never see her as anything but his love and soulmate. 

Claire ran for her train pulling her phone out and panting hello to Geillis. They talked through the train ride and Claire’s walk home. Geillis listened to the incredible story of Jamie’s re-emergence and meeting his son. She was incredulous at Claire’s cold heart.

“Yer forgettin that I know yer heart lass. Why don’t ye talk to him, tell him how ye feel. Maybe he has a story of his own. Maybe he will win yer trust back. It sounds like he’s tryin Claire. I did hear that he was arrested twice at the hospital tryin to see ye. They had to tase him in the neck because he was a raging bull.”

“Oh, well, I didn’t know. Did you ever hear what happened to Jenny?”

“Still in prison. Abandoned by her girls and Jamie I guess. He didn’t show up for her trial.”

They talked another fifteen minutes and clicked off. Claire sat down hard on the couch and thought about the new information. Jamie had tried to see her and abandoned his sister. That is not what she had led herself to believe but it changed nothing. 

The next time Jamie showed up for dinner Brian let him in and his eyes got huge at the triple bouquet Jamie handed him. He pointed to the kitchen and Brian barely got them to his mother due to their size. 

“Mommy! Take these because they’re heavy!”

“Oh! Aren’t they beautiful!” Claire looked at the card that said, “Happy Birthday to the best girl.” She smiled at Jamie because he remembered.

Jamie came back into the kitchen after saying goodnight to Brian. He watched her back while she finished dishes. 

“I have lived a life of bein right, always. I have taken it for granted that I’m always right and never question my actions. But there was one night I was dead wrong, my thoughts, my decisions, my actions, and what I allowed to happen, they were all wrong. Every single minute of this night I was wrong, and I haven’t found my way to the other side yet. I’m stuck there, watchin each minute unfold, like a torturous nightmare night after night. Jamie’s eyes were lost in his memories and his voice grew quiet.

“I loved a girl once; she was pure as the driven snow. She made me see the stars at night and hear birds in the morning. Before long I was looking up each evening to watch the sunset.”

“She made me feel whole and brought my heart back to me. I wanted her with me all the time because she took the sunshine with her when she left. I still see her in my dreams, lookin at me bursting with love. I fear I will never be the same without her. I have tried and failed because she is my soulmate. If I could just tell her what an ass I was, how wrong I was to judge her and turn her away I might find some peace. I fear she thinks I didn’t love her. I did. I was hurt and jealous and handled her confession in the worst possible way. I will bear the loss of the purest heart because of what I did. I cannot bear her thinkin she wasn’t loved and cherished. She was and is.”

Jamie had inched closer to her as he talked. This was his big gamble, so he threw caution to the wind and put his heart within her striking distance. For months she had kept to her own space, and he was dying inside so he took this chance. 

If ye hear nothin else lass, please know you were loved for who ye are and I was wrong about everything. And I…

Claire dropped the dish she was washing and yelled “enough!” Jamie looked at the ground and started to turn around until he felt her arms come around him and hold him close. She hugged him as hard as she could and cried. 

The impact of her body made him gasp as his arms went around her in a lifeline hug. 

“Jesus Sassenach, ye feel so good, I’ve missed ye so much. I meant every word lass; I was wrong on the tallest order and so much heartache followed. Don’t let go love, please, don’t let go.”

He acted purely on what his heart told him to do in the next minute. He picked her up and laid on the couch with her so she could feel his strength and warmth, come what may.

Claire could not let go. The six years of heartache and loneliness for him locked her arms around her lost love and she felt frozen there. Jamie spoke to her in Gaelic. Softly, he told her the story of true love, loss, and finding love again. She pressed her head to his chest and listened to his voice resonate and vibrate deep inside him. She fell asleep and he still held her, to keep her warm, and give him as many minutes as possible to touch her. 

“I love ye Claire, yer the best person I’ve ever known and I am sorry, truly.”

Claire had woken up in time to hear every word of that sentence. She was crying again but that didn’t stop her from pulling herself to his face where she kissed him over and over. She didn’t care about the consequences; she didn’t care about anything except feeling his lips on her and his body pressed to hers. She knew the truth of what he said, they completed each other, they would live half a life without the other and he would bring the light back to her wasteland existence. 

She clung to him and cried and kissed like her life was coming back online after a long hibernation. 

Jamie picked her up and walked her to the bedroom where he laid down with her and took over the kissing. He held her face and kissed her so softly she nearly cried again. He felt Claire unbutton his shirt and she pushed it off his shoulders before pulling her own off with her bra so she could feel the skin that she had missed. Jamie held himself back and let her lead, not wanting to make a single mistake. It was getting harder as her nipples pressed against his chest as she gasped for air between kisses. 

“Please love me Jamie.”

From her lips to his heart he touched her softly, hesitantly, as if she would change her mind any minute. He was so gentle with her, so giving of his warm hands and mouth and when he pushed into her, he was focused on her eyes the entire time. It was the sweetest moment when two hearts surrender to each other. 

Jamie slipped out of her bed as the sun was rising. He pulled the quilt up to her chin and watched her for several minutes. He left a note on her side table asking her to bring Brian to his office as soon as she could. He had something to show her. 

Two days later, Claire moved slowly down the road looking for the address of Jamie’s office. She parked close by and when she got out of the car, she almost fainted. The address was a used bookstore and the sign above said, “The Sassenach’s Books.” 

Brian was in no mood to walk at his mother’s slow pace and he pulled her along by the hand, anxious to see his da. Once inside, Claire’s eyes went wide at the two stories lined with bookshelves, music, artwork, a wall full of announcements, schedules of free classes, and book clubs. A man approached carrying a stack of hardbacks that blocked his view and he crashed into a display table as the books toppled.

“Dear God.” 

Claire spun around at the sound of his voice, one she remembered from long ago. John looked like he was seeing a ghost, a very missed ghost. He hugged her for a full minute and noticed a small person with copper coils looking up sternly at him touch his mother. 

John stuck his hand out and formally announced he was John Grey. 

Brian shook his hand but was very shy toward him allowing time for John to fill his eyes with his good friend Claire. They talked for several minutes before John leaned closer.

“Jamie is here Claire.”

“Yes, I know that is why we’re here.”

“I really don’t know why I feel you two even like me since you never shared anything before, and he doesn’t share anything now. It’s okay. I am so happy to see you, fit as a fiddle. And the wee man behind you is Jamie’s son, is he not?”

Claire smiled at John and nodded her head. 

“Da!” Brian broke away from his mother and ran to Jamie when he saw him. Jamie tousled his hair and looked up for Claire. When he found her, his stomach flipped over and his heart rate shot up. She was more beautiful than he remembered with her long graceful body and special eyes. His mind video relived her taking a leap of faith the other night, acting on her desire to hug and kiss him, thank Christ he thought. He replayed feeling stunned when she pushed his shirt off and then her own. The exquisite feel of her skin was intoxicating, and he was drunk with the feel of her. When she fell asleep in his arms she jerked herself awake, twice, and scrambled to hold onto him, like he might escape. He cried both times because it was just like the first night with the dancer. They were the same woman, with the same needs, and the same love for him. 

Claire smiled shyly at Jamie and he at her. Brian looked from one parent to the other a bit confused because they seemed to be talking without using any words. This was weird but he was pretty sure his mother liked what they were saying. 

“I have a special room Sassenach, I want to show ye.” He led them to the other side of the store and pointed to an arched doorway. Above the door it said, “Classic collections” and below that, “My Sassenach’s Heart.” When Claire walked into the room she smiled and touched the volumes of Tolstoy, Dickens, Hemingway, Wolfe, and many others. She felt the presence of the great writers and somehow felt them say welcome back. She looked up at Jamie with tears in her eyes and shook her head because she couldn’t believe how he had kept her with him all these years. 

Brian was not happy with this turn of events and moved between his parents with a warning look at Jamie to stop making his mother cry. Jamie took a step back from them to show little Brian he meant no harm. 

“Yer mam is the most important person in my life lad. This room, this store, and the work I do is a tribute to her ever-present spirit in my life. You were both lost to me for many years, and this is how I kept the joy in my life. I see her name every day, I bargain for her favorite authors, just in case she walks in here, or the other six stores, she will find her peace and loved literature in the store that bears her name.”

Claire was overcome by Jamie’s words and the way he kept her alive in the special name he gave her long ago. She flew into his arms and held him so closely, sniffling back the tears that came pouring out with his admission to his son. With both arms around his middle she looked up at the eyes she loved, and they kissed like it was the very breath that kept them alive. 

Brian was confused until he felt Jamie’s hand in his hair, then on his shoulder, pulling him into his father’s side, letting him know he had one arm for this mother and another arm for him. 

The End


	11. Epilogue

Jamie spent every evening with Claire and Brian, enjoying family dinners, outings as the weather warmed up, and he held Claire in his arms before he went home. Try as he might, his upbringing prevented him from sleeping with Claire, at least to Brian’s knowledge, before they were married. Most nights they would make passionate love while Brian slept and came close to being caught only once in the first three months. 

Several deals were struck after the fateful day at the bookstore. Those included a timeout for discussing what had come to pass during their separation. A date was set like a business meeting eight weeks in the future. On that day they met at the bookstore and shut themselves away from the world until all the facts had been heard and all questions answered.

Jamie started with the events after Claire left his home, heartbroken, and drove back to Edinburgh. He described his despair at seeing the photos of Jenny’s beating, arriving at the hospital in such a state he was tased, handcuffed, and arrested, twice. He was kept in jail for three days each time. The third time he went to the hospital he remained calm and learned she had been moved to an undisclosed place. He spoke about disinheriting his sister and having no contact before or after her trial. She was still in prison but would have a parole hearing in the coming year that he would not participate in. Lallybroch was boarded up and Jenny’s animals sold. She would live there upon her release unless she violated the rules of the court.

Jamie was promoted to Germany, as he expected and functioned at a low level for two years trying to find his joy again. On a trip to Edinburgh, he met Geneva Dunsany. After a long-distance relationship, she demanded marriage or else. He just felt dead inside. A letter was given to John at the Edinburgh store to be forwarded to Jamie. John could only say the pretty woman had red hair. The letter stated that Geneva was one of the drunk friends who participated in death threats against Claire the night of the beating, showing her support for Jenny. Geneva was put on the next flight to Edinburgh and never seen again. 

Just before he lost his mind completely, he resigned his position that he had worked so hard for, endured so many lonely years for. 

“I hired a private detective to find ye but ye just vanished. I knew ye were alive, somewhere, because I would feel the difference in the world if ye were not. I bought a used bookstore, renamed it and put the classics room in first thing so I could see yer name on the outside and the inside every day. I thought ye might come back to London someday and wanted to put the stores everywhere so ye would see one and go inside. It felt like ye were workin with me, seein yer name every day. It made me feel better. I brought John back to London and put him in charge of the new stores once they were up and running. So, now I am CEO of a growin chain of upscale used bookstores because of you. On yer birthday, every year, I spent the day in the classics room, my Sassenach’s heart, and I read until the store closed, always with..." Jamie's head dropped and he took a deep breath, "a fresh bouquet in yer honor love.”

Claire sat on his lap and hugged him, hearing his tears for his heartbroken existence.

“Thank you, Jamie.”

They kissed for a bit and Jamie held her arms panting. “It’s yer turn lass.”

Claire explained she was in Egypt before she knew what was happening. Her friends Madu and Kamilah were from wealthy families in Cairo and Jadda, Madu’s father, arranged everything. Madu later told her the surgeon that removed her spleen told him about the pregnancy, but they expected she would lose the baby. In Cairo, she didn’t eat or awaken for many months so she was fed by a stomach tube. Madu forced her to listen and wake up, telling her about the baby that had continued to grow while she slept month after month. She explained the painful journey back to the living and how Madu’s family was always there to encourage her. Jaddati, Madu’s mother, started calling her abnataya, the Egyptian word for daughter. When Brian was born the whole family was eager to care for him and his Jadda and Jaddati fell in love with him, as did Madu. 

“It was a special time for me, being held into a family because I never had one. Madu, Brian, and I were inseparable. I tried so hard to love him romantically and my failure to do so was as painful for me as it was for him. Without warning, Madu dropped to the floor one night when an aneurysm ruptured. He was dead before anyone could reach for a phone to call emergency. He was my best friend, my savior, and my family. I miss him every day."

Jamie lifted Claire to her feet and pulled her into his lap where he held her while she cried for her amazing friend. He realized Brian was too young to remember, but he knew all about Madu and felt sadness at his passing. 

“Yer an incredible person Sassenach. Madu will live on in Brian’s heart because ye shared yer memory of this special man.”

Claire sat down in her chair again, ready to continue. She told Jamie about Geillis and how devoted to each other they had been. How they cried when Claire called after two years and were now besties again with regular visits to London.

”The house we live in was arranged by Jadda, I think he bought it so we would have a decent place to live. Right after we moved in I couldn’t find Brian and I panicked until I opened the front door and there he was, standing near the curb of our street. He told me Habbi, told him to stand there and wait for me. Habbi is Madu. I had Brian baptized when we returned to London, Geillis is his Godmother and Madu his spirit Godfather. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I canna think of two better people in the entire world love.”

“It’s your turn,” she whispered.

Jamie realized that Claire was spent emotionally. He led her to his office and turned out the lights before pulling her into his arms to lay next to him on the couch. She could hear his Gaelic speech through his chest and found great comfort there.

They hugged in silence for a while until Jamie gave her every reason to change course and draw that line between them again.

“Sassenach, love, will ye marry me?”

Claire’s head lifted abruptly to look at him and her mouth slowly smiled as he watched the answer play across her face. 

“C’mon lass, dinna say no to yer soulmate," he teased. "I figure you will be my partner in the bookstores and bring yer magic to the enterprise. We can open a new store each year and Brian will see the world living short term in each location. When he starts school, we take off for cities near and far in the summer, like a three-month vacation every year. Do ye know anythin about a website?”

“Whoa Sassenach, tears? Dinna break my heart love.”

“I have a new job at the cultural center, one Sunday each month, we dance exhibition and I am the lead belly dancer. It’s in Madu’s memory I want to dance Jamie. How do you feel about that?”

She watched his eyes and saw him go into his head, still smiling, she waited and worried. When he looked at her several minutes later his skin had a rosy glow and his eyes sparkled.

“This means I get to keep both of ye Sassenach.”

“I suppose it does” she giggled.

**************************  
“Ma'am?”

Claire pushed her sunglasses up her nose and handed Geillis her drink. She thanked the waiter and handed him a tip before laying back on her lounge. The girls were treated to a spa day compliments of Jamie and it was a slice of heaven for both of them. 

“Mmm, what a fantastic buzz and a beautiful spa. Remind me to thank Jamie. What is up with your weird drinks Claire? That looks like bubbles in water for Christ's sake.”

“It is club soda, on the rocks. Why you ask? Because I can’t have alcohol for the next year. I’ll have to give up belly dancing before long also.”

Geillis rolled her head toward Claire and pulled her sunglasses down. “What?”

Geillis’s eyes grew wide and she sat up looking at her best friend. “Are ye sayin ye got a bairn in there again?”

“Almost positive. That’s what happens when the love of your life shows up and you’re not on birth control. Please, not a word at home. I am telling Jamie tonight right after Brian goes to bed and before he goes home of course.”

“Thank heavens he can stay at yer house after tomorrow.”

Claire was on pins and needles through dinner while Geillis chatted on and on with Jamie and Brian. She needed to calm down and excused herself from dinner. Sitting alone on her bed, she remembered a sadness so deep and a country so foreign, it stole her reason to live. Now her life was so full of blessings it was hard to feel connected to that person anymore.

When Jamie came in, he pulled her into his arms and just hugged her.

“What is it, love? Are ye havin second thoughts?”

She shook her head and pulled him down to the bed to lay next to her. They could hear Brian and Geillis laughing in the kitchen and felt no need to rush. 

Jamie watched her face, waiting. He felt his heart rate shoot up as her eyes locked on his. 

“The three of us won’t be going to Florida next month. We are actually a family of four now.”

She pulled his hand to her abdomen as the tears were squeezing out the side of her eyes. She watched Jamie’s face go from confused to enlightened and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he tried to swallow.

“Is there …a bairn… comin …lass?” His voice was a croaked whisper like he was afraid to say it out loud. 

Claire nodded her head and Jamie exhaled the breath he was holding as his smile grew. He kissed her long and hard followed by dozens of kisses on her face with I love you’s in between until Claire was panting for breath and laughing. 

Jamie kissed his bride after a civil ceremony with Geillis standing for Claire and Brian standing as Jamie’s best man. He pressed his forehead against hers and felt she had gifted him with a second chance at life. He was so grateful for her strength to survive, her heart to forgive, and the joy they made together.

Five hundred and thirty-five miles north a prisoner held court while her underlings brought her food and cigarettes. Jenny smiled at her hard-won position in the unit and daydreamed about returning home after so many years. 

But that is another story.


End file.
